The One That Got Away

[kcahsevoli]

I'm 18, and I fell in love with this girl who is a year older than I am who I had known since primary school but we hadn't been in contact for years until I organised to meet with her. I was 17 at the time. She walks into the café and I am entranced -- so ****ing lame, so clichéd, but it was love at first sight, I just didn't know it.

 

The second time we met up, we saw Moonrise Kingdom (which she thought was so cute -- it was) and then afterwards, she invited me back to her place where we watched La Dolce Vita and a few other films before turning the TV off. We would talk through the night lying on her couch, with her only a few inches away from me the whole time... I feel like both of us wanted to do something, but of course nothing did. There was reasons for this. She had a boyfriend, she had severe depression (pills, crying all the time, everything, it was devastating). I was immensely attracted to her. I could feel her attraction to me - at least I think I could. We would continue talking until morning when it got light, and that's when she fell asleep on my shoulder and I fell asleep with her sleeping on my shoulder, where I passed into a surreal dream which was covered in a shade of red and nothing felt real. Time had stopped whilst I was with her. We'd then go get breakfast after a few hours sleep and we walked on the beach (she has a house on the beach). I then said goodbye to her, and we had an intensely passionate hug and it was the greatest hug I have ever had in my life. It was insane. The rest of the day was a blur... and I was essentially from then counting my days down until when I would see her next.

 

I would see her one last time. The last time seemed normal, it was amazing, of course, and when we said goodbye, I kept checking behind me to watch her as she walked away and into the crowd, and she did the same... her distant face looking back at me before turning round the corner was the last I would see of her.

 

She wouldn't contact me for months. This was due to the depression. She says she has no friends (except for one who she sees occasionally) because her depression is too strong for normal communication. Her mother and sister take care of her. Did she overcome her depression to see me a few times? I don't know.

 

All I know is that she would send me a text 5 months later, saying that she can't see me, or anybody, and that I should have a great life. This girl I know I loved but I don't... I don't know what to do from here. It feels like the one who got away, for all the wrong reasons.

 

I know I'm young but **** that, love doesn't have a ****ing timestamp on it of when it becomes 'valid'.

 

I've met at least 40 girls since I've met her but everyone feels dull, samey, homogenous... boring. No one even mildly excites me. These girls are conventionally attractive, and would be normally attractive to me, but for some reason, I don't feel attraction. I don't really feel much attraction to anyone anymore. Everything has been dulled since I last saw her. It's been over a year.

 

What do I do?

 

How do people find love, meaning, excitement all over again?

 

I feel like everyone else I meet will forever be judged against her, who is perfection in my eyes. I know I shouldn't compare, but do you ever really get rid of the feeling of losing 'the one'. Do I settle?

 

What do I do... I can't take this...

[soLoveIS]

I'm 18, and I fell in love with this girl who is a year older than I am who I had known since primary school but we hadn't been in contact for years until I organised to meet with her. I was 17 at the time. She walks into the café and I am entranced -- so ****ing lame, so clichéd, but it was love at first sight, I just didn't know it.

 

The second time we met up, we saw Moonrise Kingdom (which she thought was so cute -- it was) and then afterwards, she invited me back to her place where we watched La Dolce Vita and a few other films before turning the TV off. We would talk through the night lying on her couch, with her only a few inches away from me the whole time... I feel like both of us wanted to do something, but of course nothing did. There was reasons for this. She had a boyfriend, she had severe depression (pills, crying all the time, everything, it was devastating). I was immensely attracted to her. I could feel her attraction to me - at least I think I could. We would continue talking until morning when it got light, and that's when she fell asleep on my shoulder and I fell asleep with her sleeping on my shoulder, where I passed into a surreal dream which was covered in a shade of red and nothing felt real. Time had stopped whilst I was with her. We'd then go get breakfast after a few hours sleep and we walked on the beach (she has a house on the beach). I then said goodbye to her, and we had an intensely passionate hug and it was the greatest hug I have ever had in my life. It was insane. The rest of the day was a blur... and I was essentially from then counting my days down until when I would see her next.

 

I would see her one last time. The last time seemed normal, it was amazing, of course, and when we said goodbye, I kept checking behind me to watch her as she walked away and into the crowd, and she did the same... her distant face looking back at me before turning round the corner was the last I would see of her.

 

She wouldn't contact me for months. This was due to the depression. She says she has no friends (except for one who she sees occasionally) because her depression is too strong for normal communication. Her mother and sister take care of her. Did she overcome her depression to see me a few times? I don't know.

 

All I know is that she would send me a text 5 months later, saying that she can't see me, or anybody, and that I should have a great life. This girl I know I loved but I don't... I don't know what to do from here. It feels like the one who got away, for all the wrong reasons.

 

I know I'm young but **** that, love doesn't have a ****ing timestamp on it of when it becomes 'valid'.

 

I've met at least 40 girls since I've met her but everyone feels dull, samey, homogenous... boring. No one even mildly excites me. These girls are conventionally attractive, and would be normally attractive to me, but for some reason, I don't feel attraction. I don't really feel much attraction to anyone anymore. Everything has been dulled since I last saw her. It's been over a year.

 

What do I do?

 

How do people find love, meaning, excitement all over again?

 

I feel like everyone else I meet will forever be judged against her, who is perfection in my eyes. I know I shouldn't compare, but do you ever really get rid of the feeling of losing 'the one'. Do I settle?

 

What do I do... I can't take this...

 

kcahsevoli, my dear, this is Unconditional Love. Yes you might in your life time find this feeling again. Some say it is Soul Mate Love. In my feelings/opinion, In life you will come across certain people that "was meant to be". There is a reason for it. For you to help them or for them to help you. I know this may sound corny, but down the road, it will some how help another part of your life or a future experience of your life or will some how assist you when you need it, or in her case, when she will need it in theirs.

 

Please don't feel sad,, Try to continue to live life normally "Don't Wait for this kind of Connection" because it could prevent you from receiving or giving True Love. Yes you may not feel the same with another, but You Can Love Again. It was a Gift you and her had this special experience together in both of your lives.[/i]