Jay77098 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Hi all - I just broke up with my gf after (an admittedly short) 2 months. We hit it off big time on our first date, had a torrid relationship and agreed to date exclusively after just a month. We met on Match.com, and when we agreed to be exclusive, we said we would take down our Match profiles. Two weeks ago, we had a fantastic week together. We saw each other a couple of times, she was incredibly affectionate and loving, and she even introduced me to her brother, who was in town visiting. Everything was just fine. That same night, I took her out on a date and she was acting really strangely, and out of nowhere she said she was overwhelmed and wanted to slow down. I was shocked, floored, confused and angry. When I dropped her off at home after the date, I went to kiss her good night, and she turned her head and said she had a sore throat. I got very suspicious and logged on to Match.com. She was online right then and there. I couldn't believe my eyes, but she was on the site. And, she had updated her profile with new pics since we had the talk a month earlier. I broke up with her two days later, after inviting her over for a talk. She swore up and down that she wasn't interested in seeing other men, but I can't think of a single reason why she would still be on Match, and updating her profile to boot. So now the relationship is over, and I am dealing with the normal questions about whether I did the right thing. I am terribly prideful, and I see her actions as disrespectful at best, and out-and-out lying at worst. Did I overreact? Or do you agree that she was shopping around and wasn't being truthful? I would appreciate your comments.
robaday Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I dont think you over-reacted as such, you had every right to be pissed off. BUT after a month of dating you became exclusive? it seems pretty soon to me. One month is only about 4 dates or so, even two months isnt very long. Is it possible you pressured her to say you were exclusive? Im not making excuses for her what she did was cowardly and dishonest but how much in agreement were you two about exclusively? Big fan of taking things slow when you start dating someone
Author Jay77098 Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Hi, Robaday and thanks for your reply. Well, we actually saw each other a ton during that first month. We really hit off from the start and got together often before we had the talk about being exclusive. As background, here's a quick summary of how that talk went. I told her that it seemed like we were really doing well together, and I asked her whether we were still going to see other people or whether we were exclusive. Her reply was that she thought it was understood that we were exclusive and she acted surprised that I had even raised the question. So I really don't think it was an issue of me pressuring her on that issue. Thanks for your comment; I appreciate the feedback.
TAV Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I don't think you overreacted. Trust is very important. Was meeting her brother a test? Maybe his opinion mattered a lot to her? Not saying that that is ok, just wondering.
Author Jay77098 Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 TAV - Thanks for your reply. I don't know; maybe meeting her brother was a test. I thought the meeting was good, so I don't know why that would have been a deal-breaker. The sequence of events is just hard to comprehend.
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 A lot of people on OLD have GIGS. If she agreed to take her profile down but didn't & was actively on the site, she wasn't trustworthy. Next.
TAV Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 TAV - Thanks for your reply. I don't know; maybe meeting her brother was a test. I thought the meeting was good, so I don't know why that would have been a deal-breaker. The sequence of events is just hard to comprehend. Yes, really strange. Sorry this happened to you. I hope you find a way to deal with it and move on. Nothing wrong with being prideful by the way; I don't think you were unreasonable.
Author Jay77098 Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 All - Sorry, but I am new to the site. What does GIGS stand for? Thanks!
Author Jay77098 Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Thanks again, TAV. I appreciate your kind words. Onward and upwards...
Author Jay77098 Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Thanks, d0nnivain. That was my exact conclusion. She isn't trustworthy, so it's time to move on.
deathandtaxes Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I don't think you overreacted, OP. I think you acted in haste. You mention the conversation where you asked about her match account and she swore she wasn't interested in seeing other men. Was there more to that conversation? Did you at least ask why she was active? Did you ask why she updated her profile? There's also the fact that you weren't trusting her at the moment and it caused you to check to see if she was on match lately. Losing trust is a bad sign in a new formed relationship. GIGS is Grass Is Greener Syndrome. Very prevalent in the online dating world. People are always thinking that the next guy or gal will be better than the first. It leads to horrific multi-dating and non-committal people.
Author Jay77098 Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Thanks, deathandtaxes. I appreciate your comments. Yeah, I think that's it exactly: GIGS. When I asked her about her profile, she just said that she wasn't interested in other men, and she was emphatic that she had not uploaded new pics, but I know for a fact that there were two pics there that I had never seen before.
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