M30USA Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Please don't post if you're still in the "honeymoon" phase of the next relationship. I only want to hear from people who've been with the next person for at least a few years and can say objectively that the grass IS greener.
Author M30USA Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Yep. Super green over here. How long have you been with this current one?
Jaaded Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Unbelievably green! I've been with my fiancé for 3 years......best 3 years of my life I should've left my ex YEARS ago!
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I was in a dysfunctional relationship for 12 years. There were parts that were amazing but I knew something was off & always wondered what if . . . First relationship post break up clarified a few things about the dysfunction in the LTR. Now that I'm married, the process of being engaged / getting married gave me the elusive closure on the LTR everybody always wants. Although we had it relatively easy, the stress associated with wedding planning showed me that the grass is much greener with DH because the LTR guy & I never would have survived the trials & tribulations of getting married.
Janesays Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 How long have you been with this current one? A little over 3 years. Grass just gets greener every year, too.
anne1707 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I know we have had our share of problems but we got through them together. Twenty years together and the grass is definitely greener
CarrieT Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I left an 11-year relationship when I had GIGS and the first 18 months -- the honeymoon - was definitely amazing and then it spiraled down to the extent that the ending of *that* relationship is what brought me to LS. Now, six year later, I had to go through insane amounts of OLD, hundreds of convos, 50+ coffee meet-and-greets before finding a guy I eventually did marry. Thinking back on that 11-year relationship? It should have ended much soon, actually... Like year TWO. I just needed the impetus of something better (even though it ultimately wasn't) to move on.
central Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I was in a bad relationship for 24 years. Now I'm in an extraordinarily good relationship, and we've just passed the 14 year mark. The grass is greener, thicker, healthier, softer, and well tended and fertilized! 5
Author M30USA Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 (edited) The strange thing is that after 2 years of divorce I'm starting to think that XW will also be happier with a new person. She will find a "yes man" who doesn't expect anything from her and keeps her dysfunction enabled by being her scapegoat. There ARE men like that. She will find one. And she will be okay. Same with me. It all works out in the end. Edited March 16, 2014 by M30USA 3
FortunateSon Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 The strange thing is that after 2 years of divorce I'm starting to think that XW will also be happier with a new person. She will find a "yes man" who doesn't expect anything from her and keeps her dysfunction enabled by being her scapegoat. There ARE men like that. She will find one. And she will be okay. Same with me. It all works out in the end. I am certain my ex is looking for and will probably find the exact same thing.
Author M30USA Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 I am certain my ex is looking for and will probably find the exact same thing. She will find it. Just like you will find a woman who knows what respect and reciprocation are. It all works out in the end. "Jack shall have Jill, nought shall go ill." 2
EverySunset Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I'm only a year or so out, a few months away from it all being legal (filing process and waiting periods inbetween where I live are unreal) and I do already have someone else. But I know, without question, the grass is greener here, even if I remain single. Forever. Because I found out that grass CAN be green. It was yellow, fraying, and utterly dead on the side I knew. No amount of religion, familial pressure, or rose coloured glasses can convince me that dry yellow grass is healthy for anyone. 2
noelaniella Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I left a 7 year relationship and had a wonderful year with someone else. After that ended, I still feel happier being on my own than in my first relationship. I think there's always a reason you are looking at the greener grass. You aren't satisfied with how your relationship is going and you need change. I think after 7 years my ex and I were in a rut that neither of us could get out of and walking away was the best thing for both of us. However, now my grass is green because I make it that way. My happiness is not dependent on other people. If I want someone I make sure that they're not going to yellow my grass because I deserve better.
iris219 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 No amount of religion, familial pressure, or rose coloured glasses can convince me that dry yellow grass is healthy for anyone. This is a fantastic way to put it. I can't imagine anyone leaving a bad/unhappy marriage and regretting it afterwards.
notbroken Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Not many people would admit they made a mistake that big so 'of course the grass was greener, my spouse was still bad, and I had to get away'. Most will continue to blame their ex and not face up to their mid life crisis. They were justified in cheating. They will not admit it was just more grass on the other side. Different grass, but grass nontheless.
iris219 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Not many people would admit they made a mistake that big so 'of course the grass was greener, my spouse was still bad, and I had to get away'. Most will continue to blame their ex and not face up to their mid life crisis. They were justified in cheating. They will not admit it was just more grass on the other side. Different grass, but grass nontheless. Cheating aside (many marriages are unhappy when there's no cheating), I still don't believe anyone would say they want back into a bad marriage. I've found people don't even realize how unhappy they were until it's over and they look back and wonder how they managed to suffer for so long. The only regrets many people have is staying as long as they did. 1
vanhalenfan Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Yep, very green over here. Though my situation may be a little different. I was married very young to an immigrant (obtained Green Card and eventually citizenship through me). I was 21, thought I loved the guy, ended in divorce with twin children 8 years later. (Very rocky marriage from the start, we were completely incompatible and I was very young and naive.) I am now 31 years old - have come to Christ, met a nice Christian man and have a wonderful relationship. It's never been better and I can't ask for more. This is it for me. So, yes. My grass is certainly greener
EverySunset Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Not many people would admit they made a mistake that big so 'of course the grass was greener, my spouse was still bad, and I had to get away'. Most will continue to blame their ex and not face up to their mid life crisis. They were justified in cheating. They will not admit it was just more grass on the other side. Different grass, but grass nontheless. I made a mistake. Actually i made lots. I'll own it. I stayed with a man who always talked dirt about abusive fathers, like the one he had. Went on and on about the "sad sacks" that cheat on their wives. Praised the virtues of a balanced husband and father, who could say no to too many drinks and then... slowly became all those men. In one package, that looked just like the man I married. I made a mistake. I believed him. I thought, he means it when he says "help me" then gets wasted every day before I could even get home. I stayed. A few months anyway... That's on me. I thought, he doesn't remember hurting me or yelling at the tops of his lungs at the kids. He didn't mean it. But broken bones don't care. I drove myself to the ER. And I stayed. So, my bad. And I certainly thought he was being honest when he blamed all those late nights on working late. Right up until I found a mountain of proof he was a walking playboy. I sat alone in the doctors getting a full panel of STD testing. And I don't deny it. In the end, yeah, my grass wasn't just yellow. I lived in a big patch of dirt that I realized would never, ever grow. And I was sick of being stuck, feet rooted in mud. So I got out and found a new place to live and I grow. I THRIVE. There's a world out there that doesn't have to hurt, or scare you. And it has green grass. And clouds, and blue sky. That's where my daughter and I live now. Actually I don't just live now, I grow too. Like green grass.
RonaldS Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 The strange thing is that after 2 years of divorce I'm starting to think that XW will also be happier with a new person. She will find a "yes man" who doesn't expect anything from her and keeps her dysfunction enabled by being her scapegoat. There ARE men like that. She will find one. And she will be okay. Same with me. It all works out in the end. It's funny, man....in reading your posts, our XWs seem almost identical. Mine might not eff with me as much as yours tries to (mainly because my XW knows I can hustle and everytime she's tried, it's blown up in her face), but the narrative is virtually identical. My XW found that guy and is on the fast-track to marriage. She found a guy who is just like her dad....a guy that is totally nice, non-confrontational, non-assertive, and she continue her family tradition of women walking all over the men in their lives. He's a decent guy. I've hung out with him a few times, and I have no issue with him. But their relationship dynamic is obvious to me. And my XW LOVES him. Never loved me....LOVES him. So, it worked out, and I'm happy for her. 1
RonaldS Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Also, to answer your question, with a caveat: For me, the grass has been greener.....mainly because I actually found some grass. I'm not in a serious relationship, nor do I want one, but in a 'life' sense, my life is a billion times better than when I was married. The relationship falling apart was set into motion a little bit by GIGS on my part, but I didn't actually follow through with any sort of relationship with the person I had an EA with. But looking back, I wish it had happened years before.
jwi71 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Please don't post if you're still in the "honeymoon" phase of the next relationship. I only want to hear from people who've been with the next person for at least a few years and can say objectively that the grass IS greener. Its only greener if you water it. 3 years M to my current W after 12 years to xWW. And I had 2-3 years of playing the field (that was fun too ) Couldn't be happier.
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