Second date and she drops a bomb

[Bantosm]

I had my second date with my new girl. The last one ended on a bad noted and this one did as well. For this date, we went on a double date. The other couple was friends with the girl I was dating. I was really nervous because I have never been on a double date. I had it mind that I was going to be judged and it turns out I was right.

 

I headed on with the thought that just to have fun and see what happens. I pick up my date and she looks pretty and we go to town to meet up the other couple. I wished I had met them before and not on my second date. Anyone once the date was on I felt relaxed. We meet the other other couple and I find out they've been dating for almost 8 months. Here I am on our second date. The other couple kept asking me questions and I could tell the my date was having her friend ask me questions that she didn't want to ask. For the most part, I mostly was joking around and wasn't serious with my answers.

 

The date ends and I'm bit angry and frustrated. We have this long talk. She said she needed the advice of her friend to help her make a decision. She tells me that she is currently dating 4 other guys. I happen to be the newest.

I told there her that to consider me out of the running but I didn't feel like competing. She wants to me me on Monday but don't think I have anything left to talk about. I feel like I wasted too much time. She said she was single. Anyone have any experiences similar?

[travelbug1996]

What's wrong with dating her while she's dating others? Not until you two decide you want to be exclusive, you both should be dating others. Don't be mad because she has a rotation. Get yurself one. jk

[mr_dave]

I had my second date with my new girl. The last one ended on a bad noted and this one did as well. For this date, we went on a double date. The other couple was friends with the girl I was dating. I was really nervous because I have never been on a double date. I had it mind that I was going to be judged and it turns out I was right.

 

I headed on with the thought that just to have fun and see what happens. I pick up my date and she looks pretty and we go to town to meet up the other couple. I wished I had met them before and not on my second date. Anyone once the date was on I felt relaxed. We meet the other other couple and I find out they've been dating for almost 8 months. Here I am on our second date. The other couple kept asking me questions and I could tell the my date was having her friend ask me questions that she didn't want to ask. For the most part, I mostly was joking around and wasn't serious with my answers.

 

The date ends and I'm bit angry and frustrated. We have this long talk. She said she needed the advice of her friend to help her make a decision. She tells me that she is currently dating 4 other guys. I happen to be the newest.

I told there her that to consider me out of the running but I didn't feel like competing. She wants to me me on Monday but don't think I have anything left to talk about. I feel like I wasted too much time. She said she was single. Anyone have any experiences similar?

 

That sounds pretty crappy, bringing her friends along just so they could grill you. If you're not comfortable dating someone who has four other guys on the go, then don't. She could even be having sex with all of them. Fancy sloppy fifths?

[OhThatGirl]

Second date? Of course she is still seeing others. Did you meet her online? Keep in mind with dating among adults there is a cyclic dating thing where you will date several people and narrow it down as you get to know them more, rule people out based on deal breakers, and find someone you are compatible with for a long term relationship. It's entirely fair.

 

Now... The other thing... Going on a double date for a second date is a terrible idea. Having her friend ask you questions she can't ask herself is incredibly lame. And then for her to say she needs her friends opinion on you so she can make a decision is the last straw.

 

How incredibly immature. Find a woman that can do the questions and conversation herself, that knows what SHE wants (not what her friend wants for her) and turn down ideas for a double date until you know each other well and are in an actual relationship.

 

This double date idea the second time you went out is horrible. Especially when it was essentially an interview for you. You'd be better off to be much more annoyed by that than the fact she's seeing other people.

 

Tread carefully. She sounds immature.

[Gaeta]

Wow! I would be upset to have been put through an interrogation like this. This is no way of making a good impression on a nice man. Honestly she deserved to be dropped on the spot. Do you want to date a woman that cannot make up her own mind? and if she decides to date you is it her decision or it's her friend's decision.

 

As for the multi dating, there is nothing wrong with it. As long as it's just casually going on 1-2-3 dates to get a feel of each other you don't owe each other exclusivity.

 

Believe me, if she put you through this silly interrogation she did the same with the other guys she's seeing. Most likely she will end up with zero prospect at the end.

[Hello_is_it_me]

I had my second date with my new girl. The last one ended on a bad noted and this one did as well. For this date, we went on a double date. The other couple was friends with the girl I was dating. I was really nervous because I have never been on a double date. I had it mind that I was going to be judged and it turns out I was right.

 

I headed on with the thought that just to have fun and see what happens. I pick up my date and she looks pretty and we go to town to meet up the other couple. I wished I had met them before and not on my second date. Anyone once the date was on I felt relaxed. We meet the other other couple and I find out they've been dating for almost 8 months. Here I am on our second date. The other couple kept asking me questions and I could tell the my date was having her friend ask me questions that she didn't want to ask. For the most part, I mostly was joking around and wasn't serious with my answers.

 

The date ends and I'm bit angry and frustrated. We have this long talk. She said she needed the advice of her friend to help her make a decision. She tells me that she is currently dating 4 other guys. I happen to be the newest.

I told there her that to consider me out of the running but I didn't feel like competing. She wants to me me on Monday but don't think I have anything left to talk about. I feel like I wasted too much time. She said she was single. Anyone have any experiences similar?

 

I kinda don't see the big deal with any of this. I think double dates are usually more casual and fun anyways, as long as the other couple is cool. And you're getting mad at her for dating around?? You aren't exclusive, man! She was honest with you and you're getting too hot and bothered over some tiny things.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

What's wrong with dating her while she's dating others? Not until you two decide you want to be exclusive, you both should be dating others. Don't be mad because she has a rotation. Get yurself one. jk

 

 

I could see dating or or maybe two others but FOUR? That's a bit much. No one's calling for immediate exclusivity but lord, she's nearly juggling more men than there are days in the week .

 

Anyway, OP, her behavior is kind of crappy all around. First she invites you out on a double date which was little more than a thinly veiled interrogation and then she kindly informs you she not only has four other guys in rotation, but needs to have this friend make up her mind for her.

 

All I'm saying is, if, as an adult woman she still needs her friend's approval when it comes to her love life...she has a problem and it's probably to bow out now.

[Hello_is_it_me]

I wanna know what some of these "grill questions" are because I'm not saying OP is but I'm getting a vibe they might be an over-reactor. They may actually be pretty innocuous. Or maybe not. Examples, OP..?

[ktya]

I dont see anything wrong with this other than how the OP is taking it.

 

Ive told girls i was on 1st-3rd dates with that i was going on dates with up to 16 other people and on 3rd-5th dates that i was sleeping with one or two other girls.

 

Honesty is better than deceit my friend! She is not lying to you from the get go take it as a good sign.

 

Also if she takes the time to have a friend grill you you are obviously top quartile in her running.

 

Dont worry about her selection process just play along have fun and be yourself. Get a few other dates yourself in case you get knocked out of the rotation.

 

She sounds like a keeper who knows it looking for something serious and long term. Maybe shes had bad picks before man i sure could use a woman to grill my dates might have saved me a lot of years of hassles! Lol

[waiting4u]

Any girl who's stupid enough to TELL you she's dating four other guys is not worth your time. It's not the dating that's so bad, it's putting it in your face. Rude, in my opinion.

[bubbaganoosh]

If she needs a friend to grill you on questions that she didn't have the guts to ask, then to me that's a shallow person. You should have asked her when the date was over and she wanted to meet on Monday night if she had one of those little machines that you pull a ticket out of at the deli counter.

[HappyLove]

I wouldn't date her because she's immature with no class.

 

How old is this person?

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I dont see anything wrong with this other than how the OP is taking it.

 

Ive told girls i was on 1st-3rd dates with that i was going on dates with up to 16 other people and on 3rd-5th dates that i was sleeping with one or two other girls.

 

Honesty is better than deceit my friend! She is not lying to you from the get go take it as a good sign.

 

Wow, if someone told me that I'd head for the hills!

 

Anyway, I don't think the issue is so much her "honesty" here. Honesty can and should be respected, but you don't necessarily have to like or agree with what was said, nor does that alone make someone a good candidate.

 

If a guy told me he had been committed numerous felonies in his past or cheated on his previous partner, I would of course appreciate his honesty, but I would bow out then and there. Same deal here. This girl was honest in that she admitted she was seeing multiple other people but OP doesn't have to value this, nor admire her.

 

I also don't think it means she's "a keeper who knows it looking for something serious and long term". She could very well just be an indecisive woman who likes having a lot of admirers.

[SammySammy]

Any girl who's stupid enough to TELL you she's dating four other guys is not worth your time. It's not the dating that's so bad, it's putting it in your face. Rude, in my opinion.

 

Agreed.

 

I also think any girl who thinks going on a double date so her friend can grill you and "help her make a decision" ... on the second date ... is very silly and not worth your time.

 

Move on.

[Tayken]

I had my second date with my new girl. The last one ended on a bad noted and this one did as well. For this date, we went on a double date. The other couple was friends with the girl I was dating. I was really nervous because I have never been on a double date. I had it mind that I was going to be judged and it turns out I was right.

 

I headed on with the thought that just to have fun and see what happens. I pick up my date and she looks pretty and we go to town to meet up the other couple. I wished I had met them before and not on my second date. Anyone once the date was on I felt relaxed. We meet the other other couple and I find out they've been dating for almost 8 months. Here I am on our second date. The other couple kept asking me questions and I could tell the my date was having her friend ask me questions that she didn't want to ask. For the most part, I mostly was joking around and wasn't serious with my answers.

 

The date ends and I'm bit angry and frustrated. We have this long talk. She said she needed the advice of her friend to help her make a decision. She tells me that she is currently dating 4 other guys. I happen to be the newest.

I told there her that to consider me out of the running but I didn't feel like competing. She wants to me me on Monday but don't think I have anything left to talk about. I feel like I wasted too much time. She said she was single. Anyone have any experiences similar?

 

OP...Sorry about your experience, and I think your date was really a jerk. The fact that she needed her friend's advice to make a decision shows that she has issues and can't make decisions on her own.

 

I would have said NO to the double date thing, never did it and will never consider it. A lot of women / girls are seeing other people when they decide to go on a date with you...you will be foolish not to do the same.

 

You handled it well though by telling her to f' off and go hook up with the others. how old is this girl if I may ask?

[somedude81]

Drop her.

 

The way she handled the date was bad enough. But also dating 3 other guys? How is she supposed to develop any feelings for any guy with so many in rotation?

[Bantosm]

I'm going to see what she has to say on Monday, but I don't have much faith that it will change my mind.

[Keenly]

To me the biggest turn off is her lack of her ability to make up her own mind.

 

 

If she NEEDS a friends validation to choose a prospect, I bet she will also break up with a boyfriend because her friends don't like him.

 

 

The real question is are you dating HER or are you vicariously dating her friend.

 

I'd be out of that situation. Actually no, I'd stop caring. I'd still go on dates, but be very aloof.

[Treasa]

Were you still with her friends when she told you that she wanted her friend's opinion about whether or not she should date you? If so, I would have told her to get a ride home with her friend, and then I would have left.

 

Dating other people aside, the fact that she needed people along to help question you and help make up her mind signals that she's not mature enough to handle dating an adult.

 

Move on.

[FrostBlaze]

I for one just wouldn't date her, sorry. Because of what the two before me have mentioned.

+ Maybe i am from another age/mentality or just my country and thing's are done different, but dating 4 other guys on multiple dates?.

I find that so wrong, and can see posibility for cheating, i knew a few cases.

[veggirl]

I wouldn't meet up with her Monday. She makes it sound like you'll be lucky if she chooses you...I guess the "winner" is whoever her friends like best?!

 

What kind of questions did she need her friend to ask you that she was too scared to ask herself?

[Hello_is_it_me]

I'm gonna be in the minority here and say that I think this girl is catching a lot of unfair hate. You're still so new with it being just the second date.

 

Is using a friend to ask questions lame? Kinda. But not deal-breaker level. Aaaaand, I'm still waiting for OP to state what some of the questions were. Because I'm getting the over-reacting vibe from him.

 

Is telling you she's dating other people lame? Maybe but maybe not. What was the context? Did she just randomly blurt it out? That's not too tactful. But at least she was honest.

 

And again... It was the SECOND date. You barely know this girl. I'd say give it another chance.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Any girl who needs to date 5 men at a time because she can't figure out which one she likes the most and has to bring a friend on a double date to get her opinion on the second date...which of course now makes her an expert since she's been dating a guy for 8 mons clearly capable of providing the absolute best advice as most female friends! needs to be passed over, respect yourself, respect your time and don't play any of these silly games, because this girl clearly doesn't know what the hell she is doing...period.

 

You were setup, I already saw it coming before you even said the specifics, this is just not a situation you want to put yourself in unless you're just really comfortable with this girl and don't mind being interrogated or probed at the least on "what kind of guy you are" and "what your intentions are" because these people are going to size you up according to an "ideal" likely far more ideal than the subject herself in question and frankly it's just way too early for that, I swear most of the time I see people do this the guy isn't even around in a matter of months anyway.

 

Don't waste your time or money, you shouldn't have agreed to this second date situation IMO but that's your choice ok if were you ok with this, but it seems you were a bit thrown off, I mean what did you expect to happen? unless you're like a teenager and going bowling or some shet, if it's adults you should know what to expect and if you didn't know now you know.

 

I would completely walk away, not only did you have a first date that ended badly (which for me speaks for itself) your second date was bizarre, I think that's good enough, would've been for me...hey, at least you can't say you didn't give it a "second" chance, sweep this one under the rug and try to find a girl with a little more common sense, she's been through the gutter if she's resorted to these tactics to find the right guy.

[GravityMan]

Regarding her dating other guys (in general) at the same time...well, you two aren't exclusive. But...FOUR other guys is unusual and it's understandable for that to give you pause. Seeing one or at most two others during early dating stages is more common.

 

Generally speaking, I don't see the big deal with the second date being a double-date. If one of the people in the group is a bit nervous then the group date setting might help him/her relax a bit. He wouldn't have to feel "put on the spot" so much. Two things however...(a) in such cases I think an activity date is better and (b) double-dates are best suited for more established relationships where all people involved know and are cool with each other.

 

On the other hand - having this double date with the sole purpose of her using her friends to ask questions about you is a big red flag. Also...who cares what the specific questions were? You (OP) were deliberately setup. To me that's a clear sign of insecurity on her part. And immature like others said. I hope she's young...like 20 years old, tops.

 

Walk away and don't look back.

[SpiralOut]

That's disrespectful to set someone up for an interrogation and just stand there and watch. I wonder what else she'll do, especially when she has an actual boyfriend. How will she handle disagreements and fights? I wouldn't stick around to find out if I were you, OP.