cliche1 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 So I have finally found an amazing woman, who is my equal, and understands me , appreciates me... well you get the idea. Now there is an age gap, I am 28 and she is 43. Not a problem for either of us, we are really happy, so are our friends. Now I popped by my parents house and they knew I was happy, mum asked about my girlfriend and asked how old, and I said "well, shes older than me" to which mum interjected "well, as long as shes not more than 5 years older". luckily before she queried further a phone call distracted her and was able to switch subjects, but I know this is the woman I have been waiting for and she feels the same about me, and I want to be honest about her, do not want to hide her.... so how should I approach my parents, particularly Mum?
Michael91 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 So I have finally found an amazing woman, who is my equal, and understands me , appreciates me... well you get the idea. Now there is an age gap, I am 28 and she is 43. Not a problem for either of us, we are really happy, so are our friends. Now I popped by my parents house and they knew I was happy, mum asked about my girlfriend and asked how old, and I said "well, shes older than me" to which mum interjected "well, as long as shes not more than 5 years older". luckily before she queried further a phone call distracted her and was able to switch subjects, but I know this is the woman I have been waiting for and she feels the same about me, and I want to be honest about her, do not want to hide her.... so how should I approach my parents, particularly Mum? That is a huge difference in age, especially for a younger man and I cannot relate to how you could find her acceptable. Regardless, invite her over to your parents for dinner [perhaps Sunday dinner] and, without indicating you are interested in marriage, see how your parents react.
isisisweeping Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 That is a huge difference in age, especially for a younger man . Math is not my best subject, but I'm pretty sure 43-28 always equals 15, regardless of the order of the genders. OP - if this is something you're serious about, all you can do is tell your parents this is your decision and they need to respect it. That's always the case when making decisions others will have questions about. Then, you demonstrate that it is the right decision by going forward in life and letting time take care of it.
OhThatGirl Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 OP, I get it. But.. You're actually still pretty young as far as men and settling down goes. Unfortunately there is more at play here than just the age difference affecting the dynamics of a relationship with her.. And also the relationship with your parents... That is.. Have you decided you don't want to have kids? Ever? Because while you could possibly still foster or (maybe) adopt, the chance of you being able to have your own biologic children is very very slim. Have you considered that? If you were my son this would be my primary concern as 28 is still young to make decisions that will affect the rest of your life. If you've thought long and hard about it or knew before meeting her that you never wanted kids of your own, you should have in mind this could be an issue they bring up and prepare to respond to it. Gotta tell you, I'm pretty liberal about age difference and dating but this is pretty extreme.
Author cliche1 Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 OP, I get it. But.. You're actually still pretty young as far as men and settling down goes. Unfortunately there is more at play here than just the age difference affecting the dynamics of a relationship with her.. And also the relationship with your parents... That is.. Have you decided you don't want to have kids? Ever? Because while you could possibly still foster or (maybe) adopt, the chance of you being able to have your own biologic children is very very slim. Have you considered that? If you were my son this would be my primary concern as 28 is still young to make decisions that will affect the rest of your life. If you've thought long and hard about it or knew before meeting her that you never wanted kids of your own, you should have in mind this could be an issue they bring up and prepare to respond to it. Gotta tell you, I'm pretty liberal about age difference and dating but this is pretty extreme. I should have mentioned that I already have a child from a previous relationship, she has 2 children, neither of us want anymore so thats not an issue. And I am ready to settle down, I've never seen it that I'm too young to settle down, I feel a bit older in mind. I've never been into casual stuff, and whenever I've been in a relationship I've always been fully committed in the hope it goes far. I have So so much in common with this woman, when we are together no one sees the age gap as she looks like she's in her late 20s early 30s, so no one can tell. I have had nothing but dating disasters in the last couple years, I've now met someone who is a keeper and I don't want anything to ruin it.
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 You are a grown man. If this is truly meant to be your parents will get over it.
Gaeta Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Leave out the *this is the woman I was waiting for* This is a new relationship and even though it feels like it's the one it can go sour any day. Just tell your parents she is an amazing person to be with and right now she is the one you want to spend your time with. Your parents won't go on the defensive that way and they'll come around as they get to know her.
TAV Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I have had nothing but dating disasters in the last couple years, I've now met someone who is a keeper and I don't want anything to ruin it. Then what is the problem? If you are so convinced she is the one, I am sure you can convince others of that too, including your parents. If you are sure that when she meets your parents they will see just how amazing she is and how well you work together, I really don't see why you are getting so anxious. I'm in a LDR and, trust me, had my fair share of people criticizing me or being concerned about my welfare but it did not matter to me; I know it's him I'm meant to be with and my convictions shine through in my stories, my actions and the simple joy they see when we are together. Trust your feelings.
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