BlueSpiral Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Hey all. We broke up four months ago. Kind of messy and very unexpectedly. She is very (conflict) avoidant, and tends to either run or please. I followed NC too, and emailed her about our stuff three months later. I changed alot during NC (that stuff is briljant!). I started working out, took kung fu classes and guitar lessons and did a lot of soul searching as well as dropping my bad habits. Now i feel like the cool guy i was when we first met. No.. i feel even better But... i do still love her madly. We were great together. I know she worked on her avoidance pattern, which i heard from her brother. Í also know she still loves me and still pines over us. So.. could anybody advice me on if i'm doing the right thing by agreeing to meet? I kind of think she wants to check if she can friendzone me. She says she wants to hear me out about the soul searching during a walk in the park. If she just asks to be friends, i tend to draw the line there.. But i'm also kind of wondering if that wouldn't be an opportunity to reconcile slowly? I don't want to jump in the same relationship we left. I would love to slowly check out if we could maybe start dating slowly again. But i also dont want to put my healing process back to square one.. I would really appreciate advise. I'm feeling like an ambivalent schmuck
KevinC Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Well considering you still love her here's what i would do. Not sure if you are still NC or are willing to break it but i would ask her why she wants to meet in a short and to the point conversation. If she wants to meet for any other reason that to try and work things out i would stay away, its not worth the pain. Meeting her for anything other than that will just set you back and even then it might not work out in the end. Make sense? 1
lvroflife Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 I am in your boat right now. I met with my ex today. And it went well we discussed the bad of the relationship and cleared all the air from then old relationship. We are going to take it slow, but I am scared. She just left for a mini vacation and work in another state. We both want it to work. And I am afraid. And I don't know why? We just text each other and I am not reaching out until she reaches to me. I need advice on reconciliation the right way. 1
Author BlueSpiral Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Thanks both! Indeed it makes sense.. I was kind of juggling the same two options. I decided to just go ahead for the meeting and play it cool, as i might Always wonder what would have happened if i didn't. Not put my cards on the table, and ask her what she gets from talking. As soon as i find out it will be our last meeting, i politely call it quits and just say goodbye. If she still might think that if we take it slowly, we might be able to build something new, i might open up and talk it over with her.. I kind of feel some negative feelings coming back now, which totally surprise me.. I hope you and your ex will work it out! At least it's a good thing you felt the meeting went well, right? I figure you would indeed do good to hold back a bit. She might be feeling the same about your meeting now, and those feelings could grow into something bigger, i guess? Just protect yourself from new hurt, man! That's my biggest concern about tommorrow.
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