confused about my ex and very upset

[NatB]

my ex broke up with m back in august he said that I was never to contact him again so I left it at that then out of the blue on the 8th dec he started to contact me again asking how I was. I didnt know why

 

Ive been having more contact with my ex he has been IM me. we have kept the chats light and I have been very nice too him so that he felt comfortable talking to me. none of us mention the break up and its really strange we are talking like nothings happened. I never let him sense how upset I am I never let him know. when I get off the computer I have a cry. I dont know where the IM are leading too.

 

Because when he broke up with me in august he told me that he wanted nothing more to do with me. he didnt want me as a friend or as a girlfriend so I tried to move on and never contacted him than just out of the blue he sent a email asking how I was. I dont understand it after all that he said to me he acted like nothing had happened. since then we have had little chats online and I thought that something was coming off it and I was hoping that he was missing me.

 

I know I shouldnt be snooping but i know he spends alot of time on ebay if you know the members name you can see their feedback and what they have bought online I was just interested and I noticed that he had purchased some photographs of someone else's girlfriend. as you can imagine it broke my heart again I know we are not together but I thought that we were making progress. I never thought my ex was that type of guy hes 33 and I thought that he was more mature than that it got me thinking that he might have been cheating on me when we were together. im 24 and hes 33 and I was his first girlfriend I love him so much

 

Im now scared that if we did get back together that I woulndt be able to trust him. I hate feeling this way because i always thought he was a decent bloke. I just dont understand why he contacted me if he doesnt want anything more. I had my graduation yesterday and he asked about that and he said he would like a photo

 

please help me Im so upset by all this

[curiousnycgirl]

Sounds to me like he is trying to feel you out, see if you may still be open to his advances. Sounds like he was pretty brutal, so it makes sense that he's taking it slow.

 

I guess you really need to ask yourself if you truly want to get involved with him again. I know you think you do - but what does your head say? Are you sure you are not just in love with the idea of having what he could have represented - a relationship? I would never put up with someone being so callous!!!!

 

It sounds to me like you are letting him call all the plays - he wants you totally out of his life, so you go. He wants to chat, so you chat - what about what YOU want? I can hardly believe you want more of what he's given you in the past!!!

 

As far as the pictures go - I really wouldn't worry about it - its just like porn. Men are very visual, it doesn't necessarily mean they are going to do anything about it. Its the rest of this stuff that I would worry about.

 

Perhaps I am missing a bunch of history here that would make my answer totally different - if so I apologize. Whatever you decide, I hope it makes YOU happy.

[vhshowdown]

NatB, I really feel for you. I have been there as well. My ex and I broke up last January/February. We both started seeing someone else, but it was obvious we still had feelings for each other. Then at the beginning of March, her new guy tells her to stop talking with me, so she proceeds to tell me never to call her again, that she is happy now, etc... So, I was so upset, I did just that. She then calls me a month later. But I did not answer the call, nor did I call her back. She contacts me again a week later from another phone number. We eventually see each other, but I was very skeptical about the whole thing. We never did get back together. She contacts me again in October, but I never called her back. Well, she contacted me last week by surprise. She has changed in some areas, just the same in others. So I dont know. We have been hanging out a couple times recently, dont know what the stars have for us though. We did hang out last nite, and all went fine again, but I have feelings of what are we doing?

Part of me wants her, and part of me is so confused.

 

I am sure you are thinking you do want the second chance, but not sure!! The best advice I can give you is do what you want to do. If you hang out together, make sure there are no strings attached. Have the attitude we will see what happens, just 2 people hanging out with each other. No reason to be exclusive right away. Trust shouldnt be an issue right now. Let the relationship breathe a little. You dont want the same ole thing that broke you all up before.

 

If you dont try to get back together, then you really need to get back the no contact, at least until you feel you are over him for the most part. You are still vulnerable right now,

and the last thing you need is more heartache. Take some time, get your emotions in check, then maybe you wont even want to try again, you have moved on......