SpiralOut Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Don't worry, I am not going to do anything bad to myself. I'm having suicidal thoughts again. It scares me. It doesn't even make sense, since I've been feeling more in control of my life. I have moments where I feel excited, like maybe my dreams can come true. THAT is when the "you can't do it, you should just kill yourself" thoughts start up. I will be on the verge of accomplishing something, then suddenly I am "too tired" and "too busy" to finish it. I think there is a saboteur in my head that wants to stop me from succeeding. It will say anything to stop me. Oh and it has gotten especially bad since I started working through a self-esteem workbook. I think "maybe this is the answer I've been looking for. I can do this" and another voice says "you should just give up." Has anyone else experienced this?
preraph Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 You're fighting depression. Make yourself also go out and do something you love, even though you are not in the mood for it. Go find your bliss. It will give you a little boost. You might also consider doing one hour of volunteer work a week. It will do wonders for your self-esteem, I promise. Google your city and "volunteers" and see if there's anything that sounds sort of fun.
STM206 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 You are dealing with a rough time right now. The difference in knowing that you aren't going to do anything to yourself is when you have the FEAR of actually hurting yourself. It might be a mild form of type O OCD. When you are indeed suicidal, you really don't care, you want to die, as opposed to actually wanting to live... These are intrusive thoughts that are more common than you may realize, I've been dealing with them as well and have been researching about it. Ideation and suicidal are two different things... However I would advise you to seek out a counselor for a proper diagnosis. When the chips are down, your mind automatically views the world in a negative light... Depression after a breakup is normal, but don't let it spiral.
robbysurfs Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 You should read this book the "power of now" by ekart tolle. Honestly you are the one that manifests these thoughts. Your false self eg:ego the one you have created in your mind lives somewhere else. When a task arises you start to associate that with false sense of self. These are your thoughts you are not your mind. When you do a action any action that gap in your mind is the true self. Search this you will find it to be true there is peace in the action and thinking is actually a disease it can be quite addictive. Your thought lives with fear that is not actually happening you are punishing yourself...read the book trust me and go to therapy;)
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