Stone Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 My b/f and I have decided to go to counseling twice a months, although I think our relationship is pretty much over IF it can't be salvaged maby we can work on being civil to each other for the kids and try to agree on parenting issues ect in our sessions. I have never been to a couples counseling before, if anyone can give me an idea of what to expect, or examples of past counseling experiences I would appreciate it.
tattoomytoe Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 first....so glad you two are trying to work out at least an amiable relationship(hopefully). make sure you BOTH like this person and feel comfortable with them. before you start the session, maybe just tell the b/f what ever is said in cons. will stay there, unless it is intended for ya'll to work on the subject out of therapy. i have had good experiences with group settings, although it was not couples, but individual cons. but i also like working with a team of counselors....that way there are different perspectives and ideas thrown around.
savethedrama4allama Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 I went to marriage counseling... The counselor will basically ask you questions (not TELL you anything, like what to do or what is right.) The first few sessions are really going to be the two of you telling the counselor what is up. What the problems are. How you'd rather things be. There may be some uncomfortable silence, its to be expected. The counselor may ask to see you both separately as well, which I found to be positive. The counselor could understand my needs, expectations and shortcomings better knowing my history. Not every counselor is right for every couple. Make sure you both agree he or she is a good fit. If not, keep looking. Pat on the back for both of you for shelling out the cash and going through the discomfort for the well-being of your baby and your relationship.
imokurnot Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 You say the counselors basically listen and allow you to I guess vent and get the issues out on the table(basically). They don't say what is right or tell you what to do. Well then what may be the circumstances when a counselor would tell some, "You are running". "You don't see things rationally". "This fight you are in, you are completely wrong and looking at it from a non-reality based perspective." These are things my ex's counselor has told her in the past. She also told her "You are the emotional equivelant to a 12 yr old." When I heard these start to trickle in I was at first happy. I thought, wow someone is finally telling her she doesn't see thngs correctly. My ex took some to heart and started working on some thngs. But on the other hand I thought, wow she must really have some serious issues for a counselor to flat out tell her these things because I had counseling (marriage once but went to a few individual sessions as weell) and they did what you said, listened and had you get to the root of the problems by getting it out and breaking it down. For her counselor to be so blunt may be telling? I guess that and the fact she also recommended a psychiatrist and has here seeing a psych. now too. Mybe that is just because her counselor has her on meds and the counselor couldn't prescribe strong enough meds. Is that normal, anyone? anyone? Buhler, Buhler?
Merin Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by imokurnot Is that normal, anyone? anyone? Buhler, Buhler? I love that movie! Stone.. I'm happy that he is doing something.. but honestly.. I wonder IF it will be enough? Ugh! I went to counseling too.. with my EX.. it was torture.. My EXH was/is a jackass.. and there wasn't any amount of counseling that was going to help with that! On a more positive note.. I do think counseling can be good.. BUT BOTH parties need to be about it.. OR it's not going to work no matter what is said or done in the sessions.. Good Luck with it girl
savethedrama4allama Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 Well, I was in marriage counseling, not hardcore psychiatrist counseling. Maybe if you have heavy issues, the therapist takes a heavier approach with you? "Counselor" can refer to anyone who works as a therapist. You can be counselled by someone with a masters in psychology or social work, someone with a Phd in psychology or a PhD in psychiatry. Psychiatrists are the only ones who can prescribe meds, they are technically doctors and went to medical school. Yes, it is normal for someone to start off with a social worker or psychologist and be referred to a psychiatrist if medications are thought to be needed.
Scott S Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by Merin My EXH was/is a jackass.. and there wasn't any amount of counseling that was going to help with that! On a more positive note.. I do think counseling can be good.. BUT BOTH parties need to be about it.. OR it's not going to work no matter what is said or done in the sessions.. Like anything else, the success of the endeavor is directly related to one's motivation to succeed. If the love partner is mule-headed & does not want to change, s/he will not change. At that point, the value of counseling shifts to helping the other cope, & also make up his/her mind on the future of the relationship. Merin, perhaps you should have done what they do with mules. Hit him between the eyes with a split-rail. You know, first, you have to get its attention!!
Author Stone Posted January 26, 2005 Author Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Stone.. I'm happy that he is doing something.. but honestly.. I wonder IF it will be enough? I also wonder if it is enough, but if it's not that's o.k. at least I can tell the kids I gave the relationship 100% and we decided to just be friends, if that is the route we decide to take we still need counceling because i don't want chaos as the kids are growing up. My son is not Greg's real father and he still wants to adopt him weather we stay togeather or not, more than Noah's real father has ever done so I don't want to ruion a friendship if need be.
Merin Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 Originally posted by Stone I also wonder if it is enough, but if it's not that's o.k. at least I can tell the kids I gave the relationship 100% and we decided to just be friends, if that is the route we decide to take we still need counceling because i don't want chaos as the kids are growing up. My son is not Greg's real father and he still wants to adopt him weather we stay togeather or not, more than Noah's real father has ever done so I don't want to ruion a friendship if need be. Well Girl, I commend you on trying here.. especially keeping in mind how things effect your little people. I know for me because of my little people, it was the reason I agreed to try things in counseling with my EX.. and it's still the reason now that we are friends (me and the ex) It is kind of sh*tty at times.. he does things that p*ss me off still regarding our wee people together.. but yeah Stone,you've got the right idea here in doing all you can to maintain some "good feelings" between the 2 of you.. I'm more p ssed at your BF right now because you're pregnant right now.. and it aggravates me to know that he isn't doing all he can to make this an easier time for you.
CurlyIam Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 Be wise. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Recommended Posts