Eivuwan Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 You said a lot, but to me, the only thing that matters is that segment I quoted above. You are living the "I can fix him!" girl's wet dream. Many women fantasize about making the bad boy, rude assh*e who proclaims he "hates everyone" and/or "doesn't like people"fall in love with her. You are delluded by this fantasy that you are so special and wonderful that this badboy/asshat loves you, depsie his hatred of everyone else! Because for a guy like that, who says things like that to be "sweet" to you, means your special right? No, more than that, it means you're extraordinary! That is why you stay. A woman like this will put up with all manner of insults, abuse, and yes, even cheating so long as she still feels like she is the special snowflake that won the love of the self-proclaimed unloving (and unlovable) man. You think he's better than everyone else because he's like a drug to you. By being with him it's like you are mainlining constant validation and now...you're addicted. Truth be told, it's a sickness. You thrive on the notion that you have this epic romance, that deep down he is really this sweet, gentle, caring guy but it's you and ONLY you who can bring out that side of him. In reality, this man is a cheater and a liar. Think of it this way: he's an ass who doesn't really like anyone.........but he liked at least 3 women enough to cheat on you with them. To really drive this point home, your boyfriend has been inside three (or maybe even more) otherwomen during the time he has been with you. All the while lying to your face until his own self-imposed DDay. He has flirted with, complimented and seduced other women. Maybe he's even taken them on romantic dates. He has looked into their eyes as he undressed them and finally, had sex with them. These other women gave him orgasms. They've tasted him and he them. They shared an intimacy that was supposed to be reserved for you. AND, he can't even promise not to do it again. He just said he'd "try his best" . I'm sorry if it seems I'm being harsh with you but it's not out of malice. It's because I'VE BEEN THERE. I WAS YOU. But near the end, I wished to Christ someone would have sat my delusional ass down and told me I was in a fog and no, my misanthropic, I-just-wanna-watch-the-world-burn boyfriend saying he loved me did not excuse him of all his other utterly unforgivable behaviors. And trust me, my guy was "deep" in his hatred of everyone and everything. I'm not going to make this about me but not only that, but the whole thing had a "forbidden love" feel to it. I felt so damn special. Ugh. No, drop this cheater NOW or relegate yourself to being a doormat forever. This sums up the whole thing very nicely. OP, you should listen.
Eivuwan Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I don't know whether it is right to say what he told me as the reason of him being hostile to people; it made total sense when he described the years before he developed this personality, he said that during elementary school and middle school he was always smarter and much more well behaved than other children and sometimes adults but they all gave him a hard time by calling him an idiot when he knew he was right, (they made fun of him when he explained why he didn't believe in god, etc) he was never a bully (He said that the only reason he wasn't bullied was that he was taller and stronger than other kids otherwise everybody in the school hated him enough to bully him) he didn't have any friends and his mother forced him to hang out with people his age whom he didn't consider his equals; one of the reasons he doesn't respect his mother's opinion is that she is okay with social intractions with people from lower cultural tiers(his opinion not mine). he does all this not out of being immature, he is misinformed about the nature of people based on his childhood exp, I know this to be true; he intracted with people who were below average in terms of cultural sophistication and intelligence and now he considers almsot everyone the same. I think such beliefs could be easily fixed. NO. 10 characters
BHsigh Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 as a med student I understand that some men cannot be with one women simply because their hormones do not allow them I'm a little late, I know, but as a student in the medical field (and incidentely, we just so happen to have gone over the endochrine system this semester), I have to disagree with you here. Androgens do raise a males libido, no argument there, but decision making is not controlled by hormones. It can influence, sure, but control, no. He made the choice to cheat, don't blame his hormones. 3
HPrynne Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I know this man. Couple years down the road. You're married with him and taking care of your two young children. He's lost his limerence with you and now treats you badly like he's treating everyone else. You rejects him like hell and won't let him touch you. He's richer and more powerful and hasn't lose an ounce of his attraction to women. He's hopping from one bed to another whenever he gets his chance. You are broken and miserable but you can't divorce him because you rely on him financially and you don't want your kids to lose their father. But you know what, that is the price you pay for marrying a rich powerful handsome man who already told you before marriage that he will be sleeping around. I'm sorry for the harsh words, but your destiny tomorrow depends on your choices today. Good luck. Exactly. You said he treats everyone - except you - like garbage. I don't think he's treating you well now, but let's assume that you feel he is treating you well now and if he continued to treat you this way, you would reconcile yourself to his cheating and be happy. That will NOT work out well, because in a few years, he will be treating you like garbage, too - just the way he treats other people in his life. And the awful things he says about his mother? He will say equally derisive things about you. In fact, I would expect that after some period of time following marriage, he would become verbally abusive towards you. It is not uncommon among his personality type - narcissistic, entitled, superior, etc.
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