bubbletown Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Hi! I have been seeing this guy for 5 times now. We met on tinder as I was just wanting something casual. Really i was just expecting to hook up once or twice...but he's been surprisingly a gentleman and has made me feel incredibly confident and sexy. I guess that's why I keep returning. He has come out of a 7yr relationship 8 months ago. I also came out of a 6 yr relationship around the same length ago and am just wanting to get back out there without being too focused on something serious. So casual encounters was what I had in mind for a brief while. As mentioned I wanted something quite casual (once or twice) i'm actually getting confused because he's asked me out more than that. We always head out before going to his, except for the last two times where we went to his and played board games/movie for several hours before going to bed. He'll randomly hold me and just rest his head on me and so forth. Now, I'm getting confused if he's starting to want to develop us further? If i continue to see him...is he expecting it to grow into a relationship? Or is he just making this a long term casual thing? We used to flirty text. I still do, and while he acknowledges it he refers to it as 'joking' and 'banter'...and doesn't flirt back...but asks how my weekend is looking? This is so we can arrange to meet. We used to meet weeknights, and now he wants weekends and has no qualms about me staying over until past midday the next day. He even offers for me to bath there and have coffee etc. Seems a little nesty to me. I met his friends once while out...but not again since. However, he refers to all his friends by name with me as well as his family. We used to not use each other's names. He asked me the other day if i had a nick name. I told him what my friends usually call me..but he's started using one of his own. I've always initiated texts mostly, he does so 30% of the time due to his busy schedule...When I text I try to keep it interesting by telling him vaguely what I've been up to...but will put in flirty things. I didn't hear from him from our last meet up...but I knew he had a funeral a couple days later so I thought he'd be having a rough week and didn't push it. 4 days later I didn't hear from him but thought i'd text him anyway. Didn't think anything of it because I mostly initiate anyway. I texted something about my week and added: Was thinking about your pashes today, oh wait, maybe i was thinking of my own. We should lock lips some time soon! When he didn't write back that day, I thought it was a sure sign he was off the radar. I was part relieved part bemused. So, i sent him a text the next early the morning saying "aww, no mischeif? too bad, you were fun. anyway, you know where to find me"...and within two hours I got a lengthy text back with an apology, and details about his weekend and family events (like he told me his grandma is turning 90 this weekend, and his friend Darren and he booked tickets to Greece for later this year, and he's heading to a 30th of a chick- the wife of his friend Michael..?!). But he wasn't flirty but was enthusiastic. There were plenty of exclamation marks, 'hahaha's and also referenced specific things i said and still asked how next weekend was looking for me? If he was sort of interested but not keen...I was expecting him not to write back. It was an opportune time to let it go. Writing back like that seemed to be an indicator he wants us to keep seeing each other? But the lack of flirt confused me. Is he trying to slow it down? Or just being a gentleman? In my experience of one other casual relationships, i was expecting it to be guarded, more impersonal...eg no names and details of our life etc. I was always straight to the intended activity and then gone. Like I will talk about my life...but have not opened up about names or family yet other than the vague mention of siblings and nieces etc. I started off wanted casual, but I enjoy my time with him. I am just wondering if he's wanting more and if I should also let my own walls down more and see where it goes. Note, I still always am the one to initiate correspondence...but he seems to keep writing back. Help would be great. I just want to know if this is still casual or developing into more. Once I can get perspective on that then I can decide whether to continue to let it develop or not...I've been hurt before with my last relationship and was wondering if this is something i should let myself be more open to...? Thanks. Please dont judge me about my involvement in something casual after my long term relationship...I have just wanted to get off the singleton bandwagon without anything too serious yet. Thanks.
Stay Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Nothing wrong with being casual, don't be ashamed of that. It takes two to tango. Anyways why don't you just go with the flow, take it day by day and if it takes you somewhere then it does. If you strictly want casual then you should tell him, maybe he's looking for something like that also but he was so used to the long relationship and doesn't know how to do the casual thing either.
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