Would it be weird to ask if he just wants to be friends?

[purplesoccer34]

I met a guy online, and we went on a date the other day. I enjoyed the date but I wasn't really interested in pursuing a relationship with him. He wasn't interested in taking it any further either, but I really enjoyed talking to him. I think it would really cool to be his friend.

 

After the date, he texted me saying that a relationship between us wouldn't work, and I completely agree. After that, we haven't spoken. Would it be too weird to ask him if he just wants to be friends? I really want to be his friend, but I have a strong feeling I'll just come across as weird if I ask him such a thing, so I'm leaning towards not doing it. What do you think?

[Ordinaryday]

I met a guy online, and we went on a date the other day. I enjoyed the date but I wasn't really interested in pursuing a relationship with him. He wasn't interested in taking it any further either, but I really enjoyed talking to him. I think it would really cool to be his friend.

 

After the date, he texted me saying that a relationship between us wouldn't work, and I completely agree. After that, we haven't spoken. Would it be too weird to ask him if he just wants to be friends? I really want to be his friend, but I have a strong feeling I'll just come across as weird if I ask him such a thing, so I'm leaning towards not doing it. What do you think?

 

what's the point?

 

I once dated a girl briefly who dumped me and hurt me a lot, and then she said she wanted to "stay friends". I told her no. she asked why, she said that we had a lot in common.

 

I had to explain to her that:

 

1) remaining in contact with someone who dumped you can damage your self-esteem and set you back, and prevent you from moving on.

2) we did not have as much in common as she thought. She talked about a lot of things on dates that I was not, or only marginally, interested in, and I just nodded along and said "yeah, sounds good" and things like that. she took this to mean we had "heaps in common". we didn't.

3) there is a thing called "opportunity costs", basically whenever you choose on course of action you LOSE the opportunity of pursuing the conflicting alternatives. to remain, and continue to give up my time for, in contact with someone who DUMPED me is ridiculous and rude to ask - if I was to give her an hour a week, that is one hour wasted because I could have better spent that hour trying to find another girlfriend.

 

in short, no, it is not appropriate.

[3ifbyair]

Usually not a big fan of the friend zone, but in this case he already acknowledged it wouldn't work out, so it's not like you're proposing the idea as a consolation to keep his feelings from being hurt. No harm in reaching out to him, but I'd mention something a little more specific than "just friends", maybe why you'd want to be friends.