Strongly considering giving up on girls

March 17, 2014

I am 32, i do not consider myself old but some of you guys in your 20`s???? What is going on here? When i was in my 20`s it was a laugh a minute (Sort of)
Look guys i came to LS because i was dumped by what i thought was the `love of my life` . I was wrong. Stop trying so hard for that perfect rs with that perfect woman, one made of breasts probably. Try to enjoy the time a bit more.

"Perfect relationship with a perfect woman"? Heck, I'd settle for getting my first kiss from a nice girl.

Just think about that for a moment. There are 14 year olds who are more experienced than me. Now that's depressing...

March 17, 2014

Ok, then maybe you are trying too hard? What`s your idea of making a woman interested in you? Do you scrub up well? If not you can change that. Are you being yourself when you chat to a woman? Not just what you think they want/need too hear? If you are true to yourself there is someone out there for you.

"Perfect relationship with a perfect woman"? Heck, I'd settle for getting my first kiss from a nice girl.

Just think about that for a moment. There are 14 year olds who are more experienced than me. Now that's depressing...

March 17, 2014

Ok, then maybe you are trying too hard? What`s your idea of making a woman interested in you? Do you scrub up well? If not you can change that. Are you being yourself when you chat to a woman? Not just what you think they want/need too hear? If you are true to yourself there is someone out there for you.

I don't know the answers to any of these questions. I mean I don't have a Grizzly Adams beard and I wear clean well fitting clothes.

Outside of that I don't know. I just know that whenever I ask a woman out I get turned down. I often get the feeling that the attention is unwanted too...

March 17, 2014

I don't know the answers to any of these questions. I mean I don't have a Grizzly Adams beard and I wear clean well fitting clothes.

Outside of that I don't know. I just know that whenever I ask a woman out I get turned down. I often get the feeling that the attention is unwanted too...

Don't worry man.

I'm also a virgin in my 20s. Never had a gf before, but just got a gf recently. It can happen. 2 months ago I would have said anyone who had suggested she would be into me was mad.

Just don't give up. Also I don't know about cold approaches. If that's what you're doing maybe that's the issue.

I've seen female friends approached countless times and it has never worked on them. I'm not saying it will never work but I've just never seen it work.

Good luck!

March 17, 2014

Judging from your avatar, if that is really you, I can see why women want to approach you.

Not hating you for it or anything but you got an advantage most males would love to have.

That avatar is not him. Still that does not invalidate what he says about getting hit up by women. It bugs me when I see some people post how chatting up a woman is hard for every guy. No its not...not for good looking men, though it depends to an extent on how beautiful & successful the woman is, the guy is trying to impress. A number of my good looking friends get hit on quite often. A couple of drinks and lots of women get pretty brazen for a good looker. Even if the guys initiate the conversation, the women are often very enthusiastic, and you can tell in a very short time she's a sure thing for him.

March 17, 2014

That avatar is not him. Still that does not invalidate what he says about getting hit up by women. It bugs me when I see some people post how chatting up a woman is hard for every guy. No its not...not for good looking men, though it depends to an extent on how beautiful & successful the woman is, the guy is trying to impress. A number of my good looking friends get hit on quite often. A couple of drinks and lots of women get pretty brazen for a good looker. Even if the guys initiate the conversation, the women are often very enthusiastic, and you can tell in a very short time she's a sure thing for him.

Who says this? The only things I've ever seen people say on this forum is either girls respond well to all guys or they respond way better to good looking guys.

I mean I'm considerably short, but have a good looking face. Even I rarely get totally blown out and have considerable success at bars and clubs (I get approached occasionally for my looks too....but not nearly as often as the guy that you specified claims to).

However, most girls that respond well to me are only looking for sex, which is why I stopped cold approaching.

March 17, 2014

Who says this?

I've seen it a number of times over the past few years from both men and women (but more so guys) and its in response to struggling guys who say they are having a hard time getting a positive vibe back from women. Its just a 'feel good thing' to say to them.

My friends that got hit up were basically in 2 categories. The good looking long hair surfer/rock musician/alt scene guys and the alpha type - tall, broad shoulders, solid build, management position guys.

March 17, 2014

Who says this?
I've seen it a number of times over the past few years from both men and women (but more so guys) and its in response to struggling guys who say they are having a hard time getting a positive vibe back from women. Its just a 'feel good thing' to say to them.
My friends that got hit up were basically in 2 categories. The good looking long hair surfer/rock musician/alt scene guys and the alpha type - tall, broad shoulders, solid build, management position guys.

Yeah of course looks matter a ton. If you are short or not good looking, you can still get the girls that you want. You'll just have to put in way more effort.

As I said, I'm a short good looking guy. Occasionally, girls will approach, but I basically had to cultivate an extremely attractive personality. I still have to put in a ton of work though for the top shelf girls (which are generally all that I try to date).

March 17, 2014

If you don`t know what you want how can you expect to attract a girl? Or anyone come to that? I mean what is your opening line? These things should not be planned. Think about what you are like and how you would like to be seen. Women are not some alien species that needs to be conquered.

I don't know the answers to any of these questions. I mean I don't have a Grizzly Adams beard and I wear clean well fitting clothes.

Outside of that I don't know. I just know that whenever I ask a woman out I get turned down. I often get the feeling that the attention is unwanted too...

March 17, 2014

If you don`t know what you want how can you expect to attract a girl? Or anyone come to that? I mean what is your opening line? These things should not be planned. Think about what you are like and how you would like to be seen. Women are not some alien species that needs to be conquered.

We don't mind being conquered now and then...

March 18, 2014

If you don`t know what you want how can you expect to attract a girl? Or anyone come to that? I mean what is your opening line? These things should not be planned. Think about what you are like and how you would like to be seen. Women are not some alien species that needs to be conquered.

I don't know, with luck, common interests, my intelligence?

March 18, 2014

Ryan R.,

You don't have to "give up" on women - that's ridiculous. But it might do you some good if you would just stop thinking so much about dating, "getting women", how to approach and so on. (That's not the same thing as "giving up", not even close.) It's unhealthy to allow that stuff to consume you mentally. Just relax, go out and do stuff, try new things, have fun w/ friends, be sociable with people in general and don't lose focus on things like education and/or career. If you meet an interesting woman and if she seems receptive...go have a light chat with her about whatever and don't try so hard to be "impressive" or "funny" or whatever. Just go with the flow...it might lead to a date, or a new friend, or you two going your separate ways never to meet again.

Often, attractive people tend to be those that have lives of their own (interests, passions, etc.), that respect themselves, that don't take life too seriously yet know when to be serious, that like to try something new every now and then, and that take a genuine interest in other people and the world as a whole.

Look, the VAST majority of men eventually manage to have at least one girlfriend. Men ranging from bums to the hipsters to the shy to the Comic-Con goer to the adventurous to the PhD to the homebody and on and on. That has been the case for years, decades, centuries. It's not that hard to strike up a simple conversation with a woman and go on dates...but it's important to not get in your own way. (The "hard" part is finding the right person - although I dislike assigning a degree of difficulty to such things in the first place.)

Plus, attraction is unpredictable. One day some elegant and stunning woman may cross your path and might even say hi...and make your jaw drop to the floor. When that happens, your whole notion of "giving up on women" will quickly be reconsidered and almost surely tossed in the wastebasket. You want to spend more time with her and the temptation will be strong to make a move.

Tl;dr...if you can just get outside of your own head, things might start looking up for you.

March 18, 2014

Guys getting constantly rejected will not make them more confident.

March 21, 2014

Thanks for the feedback, people. It's appreciated. It's just hard to keep on going at this rate...

March 21, 2014

How many times is this thread going to be made?

You aren't the first to feel sh*tty about being a late bloomer and declare you're giving up - and you won't be the last. Best advice I can give you, unfortunately, is to do what I did - get over it. Seriously. It is what it is. The more you keep dwelling on it, the more difficult it will become. I'm not saying go out and get rejected a bunch of times, but I am saying that maybe you need to not take it so seriously. Explore other demographics if anything.

Also, amusing how Haydn is automatically "good looking" just because he's rejected a bunch of girls and that's why girls hit on him. Even I've been hit on a bunch of times .

Anyway, it's threads like these that brought me to this forum in the first place - it's also these threads that made me post a hell of a lot less - none of you ever listen .

March 21, 2014

I think you should do it, man. Give up on girls.

I'm turning 27 soon. I spent a good portion of my time from ages 20-26 chasing girls. I still pretty well in life, but, in the roughly 2 months since I broke it off with my FWB, became celibate, and stopped approaching women completely, I've gotten MUCH better at my job (to the point where I received a promotion), made pretty insane (natural) gains at the gym, and learned a new language (to the point where I can hold my own in a conversation....I will be fluent in 2-3 months at this rate).

If I would have given up on a girls years ago, I probably would be a Rhodes scholar and/or multi-millionaire by now. Waste of time.

To be fair though, I'm fully confident that whenever I do want to jump back in and date again, I will be successful. Because of my experiences, I know how to talk to women and know that they find me attractive.

March 21, 2014

OP, maybe you should give up on girls, at least for awhile. You dont sound happy. May I suggest finding a passion in another area of life?

I used to approach women constantly. I'm sure I have thousands of rejections under my belt. One of my friends cold approaches constantly. He was literally doing 100-200 approaches per month. Took him a year to get a girlfriend so that was literally 1k-2k rejections in a year.

What do you have? Like 2 or 3 over your lifetime?

Up to 200 a month? Why on earth so many? In theory a man should have a 10 percent success rate, or so I've heard. Maybe he comes across as Johnny Bravo-ish to women?

Edited March 21, 2014 by hotpotato

March 21, 2014

1. Don't beat yourself up. I didn't get laid until 21.

2. Getting women has nothing to do with looks. It has all to do with being able to converse with them and bring them into your world.

3. Hit the gym hard and become an alpha male, albeit a nice one. Girls who say the want a sensitive guy, yada yada. It's all BS. They want a man who does manly things. Not a needy douche bag.

Once you get some stank on your finger, you won't be able to wash it out.

Edited March 21, 2014 by ponchsox

March 22, 2014

I have a friend who is, frankly, ugly and unkempt. He doesn't brush his teeth, rarely cuts his hair or shaves. He is 26 and *was* still a virgin up until a month ago. He had given up on girls and ever having sex.

He works in retail and at a leaving party for temps he made out with one of the female temps. She most certainly came onto him. He has zero confidence is his ability to attract women.

How did this happen? Because she saw him every day while he was in the zone, confident, dealing with the public.

He's been seeing her for about 6 weeks. She's into artsy films and they get together and watch different films and they are slowly falling into each other's world. He hasn't been out much recently because he's probably obsessed about this girl.

All he did was be available and, even without looking, he found someone. Imagine what you could do if you were proactive?

March 22, 2014

OP, maybe you should give up on girls, at least for awhile. You dont sound happy. May I suggest finding a passion in another area of life?

Up to 200 a month? Why on earth so many? In theory a man should have a 10 percent success rate, or so I've heard. Maybe he comes across as Johnny Bravo-ish to women?

It was all cold approaching. That generally doesn't work in the US.

March 22, 2014

It was all cold approaching. That generally doesn't work in the US.

I know what it's called, and I've heard the success rate is supposed to be about 10%. I think women are picking up bad vibes from him.

IMO I think it better for men to make themselves available and chance upon someone than to exhaust themselves by approaching hundreds or thousands of women. I'm a woman looking at it from the outside so I'm sure some will disagree.

March 22, 2014

I know what it's called, and I've heard the success rate is supposed to be about 10%. I think women are picking up bad vibes from him.

IMO I think it better for men to make themselves available and chance upon someone than to exhaust themselves by approaching hundreds or thousands of women. I'm a woman looking at it from the outside so I'm sure some will disagree.

It depends how you define "success". I've found that cold approaching at clubs with the intention of getting laid is actually quite easy (that's maybe around 10%). Getting a makeout is higher than that (maybe around 25%-33%).

Finding a girlfriend off cold approaches during the day (which is what he's doing) is very difficult. Far less than 10%.

Also, I'm not talking about a barista at a Starbucks that one frequents and often gives him signs that she's interested. I'm talking about straight up random cold approaches in malls. Very difficult.

March 22, 2014

It depends how you define "success". I've found that cold approaching at clubs with the intention of getting laid is actually quite easy (that's maybe around 10%). Getting a makeout is higher than that (maybe around 25%-33%).

Finding a girlfriend off cold approaches during the day (which is what he's doing) is very difficult. Far less than 10%.

Also, I'm not talking about a barista at a Starbucks that one frequents and often gives him signs that she's interested. I'm talking about straight up random cold approaches in malls. Very difficult.

The number is low is because he''s meeting so many people.

I get the same 2-3 people by chance/speaking to a few guys online.

I agree that cold approaching sounds hard. It also sounds exhausting.

Honestly, a lot of people just meet their SO at work, through friends, at some function. I'm questioning the value of so much cold approaching.

March 22, 2014

Cold approaches definitely don't seem to work. Before we started dating my girlfriend and I used to go out with other friends to clubs and so on and she and my other female friends were approached tons of times and never ended up with any of the guys.

Some of the lines were hilarious. One guy actually had me in stitches. If I wasn't 6'3 I think he would have smacked me for laughing so hard. I literally ran out of breath.

Yet some of these guys were hot, far better looking than me, yet I am with her now. I think it just has to do with getting to know a girl... just hang around enough and you'll have a chance.

March 22, 2014

The number is low is because he''s meeting so many people.

I get the same 2-3 people by chance/speaking to a few guys online.

I agree that cold approaching sounds hard. It also sounds exhausting.

Honestly, a lot of people just meet their SO at work, through friends, at some function. I'm questioning the value of so much cold approaching.

I agree, but a lot of problems that I see guys running into (and run into myself) is that you only have a limited number of women you can meet through work and friends (if you have any at all), while most of these women have limitless options (with methods like online dating) so you have to be absolutely perfect to get the girls.

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Strongly considering giving up on girls

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