Strongly considering giving up on girls

[Ryan R.]

I am considering giving up on girls. It seems to me that no matter what I do or try, I fall flat on my face. I go out with my friends and stuff but it's no good. I just end up being the guy who goes home alone. What really factored into this decision is the fact that I'm 22 and still a virgin. That's late. I made it all throughout my college years without a kiss or anything. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that I'm not attractive. At this point what else could it be. Pretty much everyone I know is better looking than me. I possibly can't see how a girl would be attracted to me.

 

All of the guys I know, they get sex as if it's their job so they wouldn't understand. The most I would hope for is a drunk lay. I dunno. These past couple of weeks have got me so demoralized, I don't foresee myself having sex or a girlfriend.

[King Bowls]

I can relate to this, I am in the same situation and I'm 20. I'm in a panic and I have had to hold myself back from going into an emotional tear with anger and HATE

[travelbug1996]

What's the alternative?? Date guys? Come on. Grow a pair. Rejection is a part of life and we all go through it.

[Copelandsanity]

What's the alternative?? Date guys? Come on. Grow a pair. Rejection is a part of life and we all go through it.

 

Hey that might end up being a new trend in America. Straight guys dating straight guys

[pickflicker]

What's the alternative?? Date guys? Come on. Grow a pair. Rejection is a part of life and we all go through it.

 

And the ironic thing is, the only thing that makes rejection easier to bear, is more rejection. You build a certain 'immunity' to it. And once you become that person, you become a hell of a lot more attractive.

[travelbug1996]

^^^^ True. you got to develop thick skin when it comes to dating. Get online. Get a makepver and remember for guys its a numbers game. Keep throwing the bait out and eventually somebody will bite.

 

 

You can't just give up. You are waaaay too young to do that.

[pickflicker]

^^^^ True. you got to develop thick skin when it comes to dating. Get online. Get a makepver and remember for guys its a numbers game. Keep throwing the bait out and eventually somebody will bite.

 

 

You can't just give up. You are waaaay too young to do that.

 

Also, complaining about how could someone possibly find you attractive will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You'll project an image of "No one wants to be with me", so no one will want to be with you.

 

You have to create the kind of attractive, interested, fulfilled person you want to be with. Once you do that, you'll attract the same.

[Medium.Lumo]

I am in the same boat. 22 and a virgin.

 

I have tons of female friends but that's it.

 

I have made out with one of them but I don't know if she is just playing around with me or what.

 

I understand your frustration. When I go out I always end up either alone or passing out on a friend's couch.

[ascendotum]

And the ironic thing is, the only thing that makes rejection easier to bear, is more rejection. You build a certain 'immunity' to it. And once you become that person, you become a hell of a lot more attractive.

 

Eh he's going to need a score every so often, otherwise rejection on rejection just becomes disillusioning and you start to think you're really undesirable, then lose your spirit. You got to be in it to win it though.

 

OP - Lower your expectations maybe to get some action (though that's not popular on here with using women for practice). Also go to the gym, build confidence and more desirable you at the same time. No quick fix, but it will definitely help if you are skinny, or chubby. Also don't say no to the drunk lay....find the drunk lays. : )

[Els]

You'd be astounded by how many 22+ yo virgins I know. Most of them are doing just fine.

 

It's not your virginity that is the main problem in your life.

[topaMAXX]

And the ironic thing is, the only thing that makes rejection easier to bear, is more rejection. You build a certain 'immunity' to it. And once you become that person, you become a hell of a lot more attractive.

 

It's a sign of a declining society when caring less about each other is considered something to strive for.

[pickflicker]

It's a sign of a declining society when caring less about each other is considered something to strive for.

 

I would argue that rejecting someone that I'm not interested in, is doing them and myself, a favor.

 

Rejection is a part of life. So long as it's done politely, one needs to just suck it up. Living live to the full means occasionally getting knocked back.

[pickflicker]

Eh he's going to need a score every so often, otherwise rejection on rejection just becomes disillusioning and you start to think you're really undesirable, then lose your spirit.

 

 

That is entirely his responsibility though, as you pointed out. Fortune favours the brave. Our "no hide, no Christmas box", as my grandfather would have said.

[topaMAXX]

I would argue that rejecting someone that I'm not interested in, is doing them and myself, a favor.

 

Rejection is a part of life. So long as it's done politely, one needs to just suck it up. Living live to the full means occasionally getting knocked back.

 

In your statement, you were basically saying that getting rejected multiple times makes you okay with rejection, which basically makes you care less about people and situations. You stated that that would make one more attractive.

 

That's what I was responding to.

[pickflicker]

In your statement, you were basically saying that getting rejected multiple times makes you okay with rejection, which basically makes you care less about people and situations. You stated that that would make one more attractive.

 

That's what I was responding to.

 

But more rejection does make you ok with rejection. It rolls off your back much better. It builds resilience. It doesn't make me care less about people, I have plenty people in my life who haven't rejected me, I just stop giving a **** about people that don't like me, or don't want me.

 

And resilience is attractive.

 

What's the problem?

Edited March 15, 2014 by pickflicker

[topaMAXX]

But more rejection does make you ok with rejection. It rolls off your back much better. It builds resilience. It doesn't make me care less about people, I have plenty people in my life who haven't rejected me, I just stop giving a **** about people that don't like me, or don't want me.

 

And resilience is attractive.

 

What's the problem?

 

I feel that way too, but not because of rejection. You seem to confuse rejection with confidence.

 

When I was younger, I really bought into the rejection leads to strength and resiliency argument. For me, it was soul crushing. It made me feel MUCH worse about things.

 

What actually helped me was success in other areas of my life (much of which came against a ton of TRUE adversity). Men are strengthened by withstanding adversity. Rejection from women is not true adversity.

 

I'd be willing to bet that OP is not particularly successful in any area of his life.

[pickflicker]

I'm not confusing anything. Rejection does get easier. We agree to disagree.

[topaMAXX]

I'm not confusing anything. Rejection does get easier. We agree to disagree.

 

You're a woman, correct? If you are, you don't have the slightest idea about rejection from the opposite sex anyway.

 

You become qualified to discuss feelings about rejection by being a man and actually experiencing significant amounts of rejection.

[pickflicker]

You're a woman, correct? If you are, you don't have the slightest idea about rejection from the opposite sex anyway.

 

You become qualified to discuss feelings about rejection by being a man and actually experiencing significant amounts of rejection.

 

Excuse me? Get over yourself. Don't turn this into a gender debate. You have no idea about my own experiences. Just because I'm a women doesn't mean I'm not qualified to speak on rejection.

[topaMAXX]

Excuse me? Get over yourself. Don't turn this into a gender debate. You have no idea about my own experiences. Just because I'm a women doesn't mean I'm not qualified to speak on rejection.

 

I used to approach women constantly. I'm sure I have thousands of rejections under my belt. One of my friends cold approaches constantly. He was literally doing 100-200 approaches per month. Took him a year to get a girlfriend so that was literally 1k-2k rejections in a year.

 

What do you have? Like 2 or 3 over your lifetime?

[FrostBlaze]

Give up or keep trying.

I'm older than you and still haven't done it yet. I just managed to get to kissing.

None of them lasted more then a few months, curently single.

 

Noone likes a drama queen crying for himself and being rude because of his bad luck with women.

Maybe you need to work on yourself before trying.

Truth is i don't even try, i don't go out looking for women much, if at all, i just happen to meet one i like randomly, every few years >_>.

[pickflicker]

I used to approach women constantly. I'm sure I have thousands of rejections under my belt. One of my friends cold approaches constantly. He was literally doing 100-200 approaches per month. Took him a year to get a girlfriend so that was literally 1k-2k rejections in a year.

 

What do you have? Like 2 or 3 over your lifetime?

 

You seem to know my life better than I do, why on Earth would I consider having a mature discussion about itwhen you clearly aren't interested in anything that doesn't push your own barrow?

 

Poor you, your penis is such a burden!

[Bruce Leigh]

You seem to know my life better than I do, why on Earth would I consider having a mature discussion about itwhen you clearly aren't interested in anything that doesn't push your own barrow?

 

Poor you, your penis is such a burden!

 

If you are a woman who goes after what she desires then fair play to you but you are in the minority.

 

Back to the OP:

 

I would consider giving up on girls, at least in the short term and just concentrate on yourself.

Focus on something positive either that you currently do now or want to do and let yourself grow from there.

Pour out that negativity, your cup is full of it.

[BDL]

It's a numbers game. Meet and talk to 100 girls, you will get about a dozen dates out of it. Of those, you may end up sleeping with 2-3 of them.

 

Confidence is the key. Confidence will open doors for you, but with your mindset and air of desperation, it will turn off all women. Meeting women means detaching yourself from the outcome. So don't get butthurt if a girl rejects you...it's normal, not all girls will be attracted to you, even if you're super game. Just get out there and meet women. In time it gets easier and easier. Practice, practice, practice.

 

Once you lose your virginity and have actual penis in vagina sex, you'll wonder why you were so obsessed about losing it. Just go out on dates, and HAVE FUN! Don't be so serious, relax and chill and don't worry about getting laid.

[Haydn]

Wow 200 approaches a month. Is there some terrible social affliction with your friend or is he merely rather boring?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I used to approach women constantly. I'm sure I have thousands of rejections under my belt. One of my friends cold approaches constantly. He was literally doing 100-200 approaches per month. Took him a year to get a girlfriend so that was literally 1k-2k rejections in a year.

 

What do you have? Like 2 or 3 over your lifetime?