babsr Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Hey LS, My bf and I have been doing long distance for about a year. Although we are only 3 hours apart so we see each other about once every two weeks. We are planning a trip and traveling together for a month this summer, but then he is moving to Australia, and he is not sure how long. Definitely a year, but beyond that he is not sure if he will stay (depends on his work). I know we havent been dating that long, but I am having a hard time with the thought of him leaving. I am not sure what I want for next year, but I want to try and see if we can have some what of a relationship, and I could potentially visit him over Christmas (I'm in New York). But I feel like that will also be impossible. I am just really scared to bring up the subject because I don't know how he feels, but if I had to guess I would think he does not think it is a good idea. Does anyone have any suggestions? Should I bring this up now? or wait? Staying with him now is both good and bad. We are happy together for most of it but it is also tainted with an uncertain and scary future.
Els Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Bring it up and talk to him. You've been together for a year! You need to be able to discuss big topics without fear. 1
pickflicker Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 You have to bring it up. You can't be afraid to have the scary conversations.
FitChick Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Although we are only 3 hours apart so we see each other about once every two weeks. We are planning a trip and traveling together for a month this summer, but then he is moving to Australia, and he is not sure how long. You two aren't used to spending long periods of time together. Go on this trip with him for a month. Travel is the true test of any relationship. You will either be inseparable afterward or hate the sight of each other.
KatZee Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Where is this relationship actually going? Long distance relationships aren't meant to be a permanent thing. You've been in an LDR for the entire relationship and now he wants to move to Australia while you remain in New York? He'll be there at least a year and possibly longer. You've been together for a year. That's long enough to know whether you see some sort of future with the other person. It sounds like he's just going about his life and doing whatever he needs to do and you're just hanging on for the ride. Have you discussed ever living near each other? When the LD would come to an end? There should be an end date and it's not something to go on indefinitely, especially if he doesn't really see a future with you, why would you want to waste your time putting so much effort into an LDR that's going no where? 1
ThisGal Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 He SHOULD know how long he will be in Australia. At least the time-frame. Unless he's a nutso he is going to have some idea of how long he'll be out there for. Maybe he just isn't sharing that with you. Also, you have been dating year. That's more than enough time to see where the relationship is somewhat heading. He should know by now if you're someone that he can be committed to while apart. Long distance relationships can and do work out for some of both are serious. And as someone mentioned, you should be comfortable enough to tell him what's on your mind. There should be an opened dialogue between you two. You should be able to ask him anything and vice versa.
Author babsr Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate it. 3 months ago we discussed me moving with him, but he said he wasn't ready because throughout the relationship we have never been in the same city. And at the same time my career is here and I would need a couple more years before I could secure and job and move out there. I tried to bring it up, but I think he also doesn't know what to do. We both know that it would probably be impossible to stay together, but I am still not sure if this means he doesn't want to try. I love him so much, but also at the same time I am not sure if it would be fair to myself to try and have a relationship with someone who is so far away. Maybe he is moving on with his life, and I'm just passing through - but it certainly doesn't feel that way when I am with him. I think I am just going to try and leave the conversation for a few weeks. And then we are going to be in the same city for a month and then traveling for a month, and hopefully we can both figure out what we want. But I think I should ask him how long he is staying, because if I knew it was a year, I might feel differently. But because he is moving for work, and has always wanted to live in Australia, I am scared he might just never come back.
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