joebrown Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 I have been with my girlfriend for a little over a year. She has told me she loves me and that she can see herself marrying me and wants to get an apartment with me. I love her to but a part of me feels like she is lying or se will end up cheating on me. I have no reason to believe that bit I do. My last ex I was with two years left me for a friend, they snuck around behind my back and another girl i dated left me for another guy for some reason i feel like my girlfriend will do this now and I dont want to get hurt again how should i handle this?
Assasda Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 If you feel like she'll do this, she probably will. What you fear is what you will attract
bubbaganoosh Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Like the old saying, "once bitten, twice shy." You say she hasn't given you any reason to think she's cheating. Well that's good so far but you either trust her or you don't. There's only two things in this world that you can fully guarantee in life. You going to die and your going to pay taxes. Everything else from waking up in the morning to love is a crap shoot. It isn't easy and in order to have a marriage, there has to be trust but if she's been up and up with you, then stop comparing her to you ex. Their two different people and it really isn't fair to your girlfriend. 1
Michael91 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 It is natural for a girl to find a boyfriend and then immediately start looking for an upgrade. If you don't like that, find a less attractive girl that thinks she is doing well. She will not be looking for an upgrade because experience has taught her that she cannot do better than you. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 (edited) It is natural for a girl to find a boyfriend and then immediately start looking for an upgrade. If you don't like that, find a less attractive girl that thinks she is doing well. She will not be looking for an upgrade because experience has taught her that she cannot do better than you. If I have a boyfriend I don't even so much as look at another man in that light never mind looking for an upgrade. This isn't because I can't do any better. It's because I only have eyes for one man. Not all women are like that, just like all men aren't that is a terrible assumption to make. Op explain to your girlfriend what happened and while it's not her fault that your ex did that that you'd like to take it slowly because you are afraid to lose her. Any respecting woman in love would say ok, that's ok honey we aren't in any hurry. If you dump her for no reason bar being afraid it'll happen again and again and again and you'll end up with a string of broken hearted exs and you'll be alone. Edited March 15, 2014 by mummyjonno 1
Author joebrown Posted March 15, 2014 Author Posted March 15, 2014 If I have a boyfriend I don't even so much as look at another man in that light never mind looking for an upgrade. This isn't because I can't do any better. It's because I only have eyes for one man. Not all women are like that, just like all men aren't that is a terrible assumption to make. Op explain to your girlfriend what happened and while it's not her fault that your ex did that that you'd like to take it slowly because you are afraid to lose her. Any respecting woman in love would say ok, that's ok honey we aren't in any hurry. If you dump her for no reason bar being afraid it'll happen again and again and again and you'll end up with a string of broken hearted exs and you'll be alone. I have explained it to her, and she is alot different than my previous ex. My ex never talked marriage with me or a future but my current girlfriend does. And she will look me in the eyes and tell em she loves me
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 I have explained it to her, and she is alot different than my previous ex. My ex never talked marriage with me or a future but my current girlfriend does. And she will look me in the eyes and tell em she loves me Then my darling what you have right there is a keeper 1
OhThatGirl Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Without any evidence she will do what other women have done, this appears to be YOUR issue. It would seem you are insecure. This can be pretty damaging in relationships. Do you love her? Do you see yourself marrying her? Spending forever together? If so you owe it to her and yourself to work on this insecurity. Otherwise what will happen is you will create what you fear most. It's common. (Though not necessarily as straightforward as the other poster put it...) If you are insecure and suspicious, you will start needing a lot of reassurance. You will become dependent on her telling you she loves you, she isn't going anywhere, and that she won't cheat on you. She will start to feel your insecurity, suspiciousness, lack of confidence, eventually she will get tired of paying for past partners mistakes, and she will want out. She may end up cheating as a result. See how you can create what you fear? Do yourself a favor. Really work on your own issues. Understand what you contributed to your last relationships' failures and what your past partners contributed. Yes they cheated. Not saying you "caused" it but what things happened in the past have you identified as problematic and worked on? Sometimes just seeing mistakes that we've made may be enough for us to know that our current/future relationships won't follow the same trajectory as our last relationships. If the fear and insecurity continue, and this is the woman you love and want to spend your life with, consider independent (and maybe couples) counseling until you can get a grip on this relationship being different from the previous ones.
OhThatGirl Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 It is natural for a girl to find a boyfriend and then immediately start looking for an upgrade. If you don't like that, find a less attractive girl that thinks she is doing well. She will not be looking for an upgrade because experience has taught her that she cannot do better than you. This is just about the most absurd and childish thing I've ever heard. Nothing about this is valid. Much less attractive women will also leave because they can do better than being with a guy who believes this nonsense.
Michael91 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Originally Posted by Michael91: It is natural for a girl to find a boyfriend and then immediately start looking for an upgrade. This is just about the most absurd and childish thing I've ever heard. Nothing about this is valid. Much less attractive women will also leave because they can do better than being with a guy who believes this nonsense. I take what women say in such matters with a grain of salt because they say what they believe to appropriate. However, that is what most women do during the initial stages of the relationship. And, even though, during the initial stages, a woman will say "I never cheat," very likely given the opportunity she is receptive to other more attractive guys.
readynow Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Puhleeze Originally Posted by Michael91: It is natural for a girl to find a boyfriend and then immediately start looking for an upgrade... However, that is what most women do during the initial stages of the relationship. And, even though, during the initial stages, a woman will say "I never cheat," very likely given the opportunity she is receptive to other more attractive guys. I wished there was a 'dislike' button on Loveshack.org! 'Most women' don't do this. Perhaps it's the women who sense such insecurity that do - and I wouldn't blame them. That's the same mistake OP is making - thinking he will always be dumped for another guy and in so doing, pushes his girlfriend away right into the other man's arms. There's only so much a woman can do in trying to convince a man she'll stay with him. After which it's probably best to give up and find someone who will actually believe her!
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