Folks with kids, are you upfront?

[waiting4u]

Lol, remember that book Flowers in the Attic, where the mother LITERALLY hid her children in the attic for years so you her husband wouldn't find out about it? I think one of them died from lack of sunlight or something . . .

[Seeking11]

I don't OLD date, so I can't really comment on the whole putting you have kids in your profile right away.

 

I do have a child of my own, and when I meet someone, I don't bring up my child right away, unless it somehow comes up (if I got a shopping cart with diapers, it's kind of obvious ). However if a first date does happens, that's when I do bring it up. For some reason, I feel that if I were to just bring up and blurt that I have a child, when just barely meeting someone, it comes of sort of strange and also, not desperate, but low self esteemish, can't really think of the right word, like it feels like I have to bring it up as soon as I am just meeting a female. I'm not trying to hide it, but in that very first encounter, I'm trying to get to know them briefly, not spill my whole life story.

 

That's my thought on it anyway. If I was doing OLD dating, I would probably put on my profile "must like kids" or something like that, mentioning I do have a child.. I'm not going to pick a woman over my kid haha

[kaylan]

1) Not all women in their 30's are "looking to settle down." Some of them have settled down and are looking to break free and have fun.

Reread what I said. My point was that women who havent settled down yet are definitely really trying to when they are in their 30s.

2) You sound like an unbelievable as*hat.

Lol, dont be mad sunshine. I wouldnt expect every woman to be able to look at this without gender bias. I love how its ok for this chick to leave out important info before scheduling a date.

3) I would tell women up front that kids are a deal breaker. God forbid you actually get involved with a woman who has children and she finds out you feel THIS way.

Duh, thats why SHE should be letting men know she has kids right away. I shouldnt have to sniff that out, as single moms are far from the norm for women in their 20s.

4) You are 35 and kids are a deal breaker? Good luck. The majority of women in their 30's already have children and aren't looking to have more.

Can you read at all? Did you read the OP word for word? Did it not say that I was also talking to a woman in her 30s with kids from a previous marriage? Didnt I also say that Im turned off by single moms in their 20s because a lot of the time its kids that are not from marriage, plus the kids are usually very young.

 

I dont wanna deal with that. If Im going to deal with a single mom, Id rather it be someone older, more mature, and whos kids are likely old enough to not need constant supervision. You know, so she can have a dating life.

Yes. You can do better by staying single. People without baggage don't exist. Hell, you have your own. You're reaching for perfection and until you open your mind and learn to be a compassionate person you'll likely stay bitter and miserable, and especially in regards to dating.

Um yes, plenty of women in their 20s dont have baggage. I love the shaming in this thread though. Im labeled as bitter and miserable because I have an aversion to dating young single moms with young kids.

 

Did some of you even read my more recent responses? Im far from bitter and miserable. Im actually quite outgoing and cheerful, which is what girls like about me. It would seem that some of you are just spiteful and wish me to do poorly in dating because youre upset that a young man dare have an aversion to dating someone with young kids.

 

God forbid I want a carefree and casual dating experience.

Edited March 16, 2014 by kaylan

[mammasita]

I ain't mad at cha.

 

I skipped over the pages of responses, some of them have obviously not understood what you're saying.....if this chick wants a serious relationship she should be saying she's a single mother. Not even mentioning her kid(s) to the point that you had to ask makes her seem like an ignorant and irresponsible mother to begin with.

 

Sure I'm jumping to major conclusions about this woman (who you should have cancelled your date with) but in all honesty, a dating single mother looking for something long term that had her children's best interests in mind would definitely mention them immediately.

[WrinkledForehead]

Reread what I said. My point was that women who havent settled down yet are definitely really trying to when they are in their 30s.

 

Lol, dont be mad sunshine. I wouldnt expect every woman to be able to look at this without gender bias. I love how its ok for this chick to leave out important info before scheduling a date.

Duh, thats why SHE should be letting men know she has kids right away. I shouldnt have to sniff that out, as single moms are far from the norm for women in their 20s.

 

Can you read at all? Did you read the OP word for word? Did it not say that I was also talking to a woman in her 30s with kids from a previous marriage? Didnt I also say that Im turned off by single moms in their 20s because a lot of the time its kids that are not from marriage, plus the kids are usually very young.

 

I dont wanna deal with that. If Im going to deal with a single mom, Id rather it be someone older, more mature, and whos kids are likely old enough to not need constant supervision. You know, so she can have a dating life.

Um yes, plenty of women in their 20s dont have baggage. I love the shaming in this thread though. Im labeled as bitter and miserable because I have an aversion to dating young single moms with young kids.

 

Did some of you even read my more recent responses? Im far from bitter and miserable. Im actually quite outgoing and cheerful, which is what girls like about me. It would seem that some of you are just spiteful and wish me to do poorly in dating because youre upset that a young man dare have an aversion to dating someone with young kids.

 

God forbid I want a carefree and casual dating experience.

 

I have no problem with you not dating women with kids. I'm well aware that's a deal breaker. I'm far more offended that you'd liken a person's children to luggage.

 

They're family. Not baggage.

[Emilia]

As far as the argument I always see by some women that states "Only unintelligent women make stupid romantic decisions or fall for men who are doing dumb things" I have no idea what they tell themselves when they fall for it, or if they think of themselves as unintelligent when they've had the wool pulled over their eyes by a man...who knows. I guess you just deny the fact it ever happened to you, or that the guy was actually a good guy with a good agenda and things just didn't "work out"....little do they know the whole truth.

I see you are trying to cover all bases with your dismissive post as usual.

 

As one of those women you are referring to above, I'd say everyone is biased towards their own point of view, that's natural. You wouldn't be able to live with yourself otherwise if you were super-critical with every single decision you made every single day in your life.

 

The difference is however, is how much those decisions affect your life - and other people's - long term. And whether you learn from those mistakes of course. Certain things require far more stupidity than others.

[pickflicker]

Lol, remember that book Flowers in the Attic, where the mother LITERALLY hid her children in the attic for years so you her husband wouldn't find out about it? I think one of them died from lack of sunlight or something . . .

 

Spoiler alert: arsenic poisoning. Every girl reads "Flowers In The Attic" during their teens...

[isisisweeping]

I have no problem with you not dating women with kids. I'm well aware that's a deal breaker. I'm far more offended that you'd liken a person's children to luggage.

 

They're family. Not baggage.

 

 

Not dating someone with kids is perfectly reasonable.

 

Attacking them over it, judging them over it, making assumptions without real evidence... it's pretty disgusting.

 

Hint: a lot of women have made choices in relationships that didn't work out. My ex husband and I were together for 7 years all told. But, because a child came out of it, that shows she makes worse decisions than other people? It shows that you know ANYTHING about her or her relationships? No.

 

You certainly don't have to date anyone and no need to even feel bad about it. But don't justify it by being an ignorant, critical asp.

[kaylan]

I have no problem with you not dating women with kids. I'm well aware that's a deal breaker. I'm far more offended that you'd liken a person's children to luggage.

 

They're family. Not baggage.

Get over it, even single moms themselves recognize children are baggage in the dating world. Strangers don't need to view them as family.

Edited March 17, 2014 by kaylan

[RedRobin]

If you think children are baggage, Kaylan, then find a way to say so in your profile.

 

 

I'm sure the women with children would appreciate not going on a date with YOU and finding that out after the fact. No decent parent views their kids as baggage. I don't even have kids and I know that.

 

 

Damn, I hate hypocrites.

[StanMusial]

I used to meet single mothers in bars all the time. Almost every single one of them got knocked up and the father ran off afterwards. Many times they weren't upfront about it because they didn't want to scare guys off.

 

I always found it depressing. I recall one girl who said she wish she didn't have a kid, presumably so she could go out and party more. She really thought she was something else.

 

Kaylan, I think you're digging in the hawg trough looking for a succulent steak when all you should expect is slop. If you want quality why are messing around with these "dating apps"?

[WrinkledForehead]

Get over it, even single moms themselves recognize children are baggage in the dating world. Strangers don't need to view them as family.

 

I am a single mom. The men I dated were aware I had kids and never possessed some impetuous urge to label them as baggage. They had the cognition to recognize my children as my family. Any man that would devalue my children isn't worth anything, anyways.

[ltjg45]

Get over it, even single moms themselves recognize children are baggage in the dating world. Strangers don't need to view them as family.

 

.....

 

Damn, dude, that IS cold.

 

Despite all of the problems I see on this board, this is, by far, the worst comment I ever read.

 

Even I can't get so mad to the point where I can say the crap you just said.

[Imajerk17]

Well, I just don't think a guy owes anyone a responsibility for not wanting to date a woman with kids. No one really has a right to judge someone else, but what if they just aren't compatible from a lifestyle point of view? What if a guy isn't sure if or when he wants kids of his own to begin with? Why would helping to raise another man's kids and being a "step" be any more appealing? What if a guy is not OK with the fact that he will never be "Number 1" in a woman's life?

 

That said, I dated a couple single moms. In both cases they were kind, giving, had a great sense of fair play, upfront, everything good you could say, and actually, in both cases they actually were "the mature one" in the relationship. They both had their own money too--and paid their fair share of dates--one of them made more than I did.

 

Anyway, I think that if a woman is doing OLD and is looking for something serious, it would serve her to mention upfront that she has kids. Otherwise e.g, Kaylan's date will get a lot of men who will "have fun" with her but who will bail when they found out, either because they don't want to date a single mom in the first place, or because they actually would have been willing to do so, but they feel (right or wrong) that she "should have" been more upfront. It's not like she is going to hook someone in who didn't want to date a single mom.

Edited March 17, 2014 by Imajerk17

[serial muse]

Well, I just don't think a guy owes anyone a responsibility for not wanting to date a woman with kids. No one really has a right to judge someone else, but what if they just aren't compatible from a lifestyle point of view? What if a guy isn't sure if or when he wants kids of his own to begin with? Why would helping to raise another man's kids and being a step be any more appealing? What if a guy is not OK with the fact that he will never be "Number 1" in a woman's life?

 

That said, I dated a couple single moms. In both cases they were kind, giving, had a great sense of fair play, upfront, everything good you could say, and actually, in both cases they actually were "the mature one" in the relationship. They both had their own money too--one of them made more than I did.

 

Anyway, I think that if a woman is doing OLD and is looking for something serious, it would serve her to mention upfront that she has kids. Otherwise e.g, Kaylan's date will get a lot of men who will "have fun" with her but who will bail when they found out, either because they don't want to date a single mom in the first place, or because they actually would have been willing to do so, but they feel (right or wrong) that she "should have" been more upfront. It's not like she is going to hook someone in who didn't want to date a single mom.

 

True, certainly. I think she should have told up front, if only not to waste her own time, let alone that of a potential date.

 

But y'all know that's the red herring in this thread. kaylan's not getting heat for his preferences. Anyone can have personal preferences. It's how one talks about people. It's the dismissiveness and judginess and casual cruelty that's drawing fire. And I say this as someone who likes kaylan.

 

But OP, dude, you are sounding angrier as the years go by. This ish is harsh.

[kaylan]

If you think children are baggage, Kaylan, then find a way to say so in your profile.

 

 

I'm sure the women with children would appreciate not going on a date with YOU and finding that out after the fact. No decent parent views their kids as baggage. I don't even have kids and I know that.

 

 

Damn, I hate hypocrites.

I would appreciate women stating they have kids before the scheduling of a date, especially considering kids arent really the norm for single women in their 20s.

.....

 

Damn, dude, that IS cold.

 

Despite all of the problems I see on this board, this is, by far, the worst comment I ever read.

 

Even I can't get so mad to the point where I can say the crap you just said.

Lol, Im not mad at all. Im very blunt and matter of fact. The fact of the matter is that many people see baggage as things that can you bring into a relationship that can cause significant problems. This includes emotional issues, diseases, addiction, kids, debt, ex issues, bad habits, etc.

 

And trust me, worst has been said on this forum.

I am a single mom. The men I dated were aware I had kids and never possessed some impetuous urge to label them as baggage. They had the cognition to recognize my children as my family. Any man that would devalue my children isn't worth anything, anyways.

They may not say it to you, but when single men and women without kids talk to other single people, kids are normally spoken of as baggage. It is what it is. The woman in her 30s that I was just talking to even said so of her kids when I asked why she married so quickly again after her first marriage. She said she thought she had a good man that was able to accept her despite her baggage (bad first marriage, kids, etc)

 

Its ok men who see kids as baggage have no value to you. They likewise feel the same about you. Everybody wins and can go and find someone suitable for them.

I used to meet single mothers in bars all the time. Almost every single one of them got knocked up and the father ran off afterwards. Many times they weren't upfront about it because they didn't want to scare guys off.

 

I always found it depressing. I recall one girl who said she wish she didn't have a kid, presumably so she could go out and party more. She really thought she was something else.

 

Kaylan, I think you're digging in the hawg trough looking for a succulent steak when all you should expect is slop. If you want quality why are messing around with these "dating apps"?

Apps are just easier than the bar scene or waiting for a girl to fall in my lap. I live in the burbs, so it isnt as easy to meet people as when I go into the big city, so thats what most people do around here if they dont go to the bar/club often. Plus apps and online dating are better for my schedule.

 

I actually have a date with a nice girl in a couple days.

Edited March 17, 2014 by kaylan