When it comes to bad relationships, why is my gender willing to tolerate more?

[dragon_fly_7]

I've broken up with my ex bf for much less because I felt taken for granted and that enough is enough; it was deserved and he agreed it was. I've got other plans than to be tolerating too much drama and nonsense if a relationship isn't going too well and will not settle for less. And this wasn't even abuse nor getting cheating on. Though those are my two main NO's, I do have certain deal-breakers that I wouldn't tolerate either from a man and being disrespectful (example: if he were to insult my mother) would be another one of them or if I were dating someone that had to check on my cell phone frequently.

 

Yet, I'm truly impressed by the amount of women putting up with porn addicts, physical abusers, cheaters, guys that admit they never want to propose to them, etc. Just recently I was reading about a woman tolerating her porn addict and abusive spouse. How can you forgive a man that doesn't think you're the best in bed and forgive after he has assaulted you??? What they have in common with those women is they used the phrase (I've heard it on a talk show too) ''But I love him''. Why??

 

I haven't seen nor heard of many men putting up (nor forgiving) with terrible treatment or prolonging years of abuse from a woman without retaliating at some point or walking away forever from her. Sometimes the man may even dump the woman for any minimun display of disrespect of if he were to find out she had a sordid past. Then again, I don't know if this is because some men just don't want to share their stories but from what I see it's still seems that women are more ''Let's work it, I'm sure you didn't mean to hit me, maybe I provoked you'' into being the fixer-upper and don't place too much importance on a man's aggressive nor sex values/faithfulness, not on the same rate men do for women. Or do we just have more empathy levels in our brain while the male brain is just more logical by nature??

 

Sorry but if I were cheated on or physically abused, the least thing I would have in mind is ''Did I provoked you, was it my fault''? It would be his complete fault to me and I would have nothing to do with such man. No empathy nor fixing the issue with me. I have no sympathy for someone that treats me poorly.

Edited March 14, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

[FrostBlaze]

I have no ideea, i have a friend that says that "I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH".

And the guy doesn't love her, doesn't treat her well, is ignorant, baits her with affection every few weeks, other then that just ignores her. Controls her life, etc i could go on. Guy is a D, yet she can't let go, it's like some sort of drug i don't understand and only women can answer i suppose.

She realized she only used her for sex and they broke up...half A YEAR AGO.

And from week 1 after BU she missed him, now she does the same and want's him back. I asked why. "Cuz i love him, it's INTENSE/PASSIONATE" Like wtf?

 

What is, the way he ignores you and gives u attention every now and then makes her feel like she is in heaven...those little doses of affection, really is a drug, craves for them.

I read about this somewhere...can't remember.

 

She won't look for someone else either because she is sure that if she would end up at the altar with any new partner, she would turn them down at the last minute for her EX...overdramatizing it she is ._.

 

SO I HAVE NO CLUE, i took some "crap" myself at the beggining when i was extremely unexperienced, now i don't accept any of it :\.

Edited March 14, 2014 by FrostBlaze

[dragon_fly_7]

SO I HAVE NO CLUE, i took some "crap" myself at the beggining when i was extremely unexperienced, now i don't accept any of it :\.

Because you men catch up faster to that and simply say NO afterwards; only way a woman might fool a guy seems to be if he's very naive but it's like once he already even gains his 1st level of experience he gets smart so fast.

For women it seems to be different; they can be falling for that again and again and still continue professing their fall for that worthless loser. I just don't understand. It makes me think that only men from early ages are taught about pride, authority and respect while women aren't.

[Revolver]

I think there is more social pressure on women to be in a relationship then men.

[dragon_fly_7]

I think there is more social pressure on women to be in a relationship then men.

I agree on that part. My aunt and older female cousin Monica stopped by for a visit last month and one of the first questions I got asked is if I had a bf or was currently dating someone now, which I don't and have been single for years. When the topic about kids came up, I usually say the same lines of ''Maybe one day but not now, I'm still young for that'' but then Monica though I was in my early 20's but when I told her I'm almost 27, then she ended with an ''That's not too young, that's actually a good age (in her case, she got married at the age of 39, is now in her early 40's and can't have kids but wants to adopt one). The truth with me is I don't want kids.

 

I'd rather be happily single than in a bad/very unstable relationship for the sake of validation from others and society.

Edited March 14, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

[GoreSP]

I hate these 'My gender has it worse than yours' wars.

 

Men are just as tolerating as women - even when it goes too far.

[stillafool]

I think both genders are at fault. Have you seen how many threads started by men who have wives involved in affairs? It's alarming. These men bitch and moan but always seem to take their cheating wives back.

[dragon_fly_7]

I hate these 'My gender has it worse than yours' wars.

 

Men are just as tolerating as women - even when it goes too far.

In what ways are men just as tolerating as women? If you can provide some examples it would be helpful because I haven't really heard of many men being that tolerant (well apart from a show about a man not only taking back a gf who cheated but gets pregnant by his friend but that guy had low self-esteem issues) and still saying ''But I love her, maybe she didn't mean it'' to a very nasty woman at the same rate that women say that.

 

I don't doubt that they can get mistreated and still deal with crap but many men don't allow things to process that far, just few.

Edited March 14, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

[GoreSP]

In what ways are men just as tolerating as women? If you can provide some examples it would be helpful because I haven't really heard of many men being that tolerant (well apart from a show about a man not only taking back a gf who cheated but gets pregnant by his friend but that guy had low self-esteem issues) and still saying ''But I love her, maybe she didn't mean it'' to a very nasty woman at the same rate that women say that.

 

I don't doubt that they can get mistreated and still deal with crap but many men don't allow things to process that far, just few.

 

 

The person just can't imagine a life without the other person or think they will never find someone else etc etc.

 

But it happens for both sexes - pretty much equally I'm sure

 

Edit: I also fail to see how anyone would be so informed about other people's relationships to be able to make such assumptions anyways.

[Woggle]

Men put up with as much crap as women. I cringe when it comes to the things some guys I know put up with.

[bubbaganoosh]

I don't agree with you. Yeah a lot of women are on this forum but I have never seen so many men get twisted in the wind when they find out about their wives affairs. The majority of them lose their back bone, guts and other parts a little at a time while their wives put them through the meat grinder.

 

I don't know if you can say it's 50, 50, but it's close.

[Woggle]

In general I wish both genders would stop tolerating cheating. We need to let cheaters or potential cheaters know this crap won't fly with us. They do what they do in large part because the BS gives them a safe place to land.

[travelbug1996]

Many women suffer from low self worth and tolerate bad behavior from men for a variety of reasons. None of which I understand. Most seem to think that a half a man is better than no man.

 

I personally take no ***** off anybody and I don't give any. I'm respectful attentive loving kind hearted and open to love. If I meet a guy that shows he has jerk tendencies, I drop his arse like a hot potato.

 

I get to determine how I'm treated by others and that has given me more power over my life than ever.

[Copelandsanity]

Men have to tolerate something much worse than porn addiction, physical abuse, cheating and commitment phobia all put together:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nagging

[Els]

I've seen both genders do this, but usually in different ways (men are more likely to be verbally abused, women physically). Also, for different reasons.

[Silly_Girl]

I am more aware, IRL, of women suffering abuse than men. This could well be due to the reluctance of men to share their experiences.

 

I also think many women are raised to display empathy and tolerance and men are raised to achieve and be strong. I suspect this dynamic makes it easier for women to become de-skilled in abusive situations, than men.

[Woggle]

The thing is that when men are verbally abused many people don't even recognize it. I have seen women talking to their men in public in ways that would get a man ran out of town but nobody seems to see it as abuse.

[dragon_fly_7]

Many women suffer from low self worth and tolerate bad behavior from men for a variety of reasons. None of which I understand. Most seem to think that a half a man is better than no man.

 

I personally take no ***** off anybody and I don't give any. I'm respectful attentive loving kind hearted and open to love. If I meet a guy that shows he has jerk tendencies, I drop his arse like a hot potato.

 

I get to determine how I'm treated by others and that has given me more power over my life than ever.

Yeah, I don't understand either. If someone treats me like garbage or is playing games, that makes me become disinterested immediately. Then again, I'm not sure if being a career-minded woman is playing some role into my forming and identifying poor behaviors and deal-breakers at a quicker pace. For all I know is my major does requires you to be assertive, have leadership skills be active (not pasive), problem solving strategies, and having a positive attitude. Somehow, applying this in a way can make you think more logically than the woman that would focus too much on feelings and stay in the unstable relationship.

[dragon_fly_7]

The thing is that when men are verbally abused many people don't even recognize it. I have seen women talking to their men in public in ways that would get a man ran out of town but nobody seems to see it as abuse.

I think no one focuses much on it because they might assume it's a wife on her period or stressed out about something (can be work-related, family crisis, etc) but not necessarily being verbal for nothing.

[Els]

I think no one focuses much on it because they might assume it's a wife on her period or stressed out about something (can be work-related, family crisis, etc) but not necessarily being verbal for nothing.

 

Do you feel hormones and stress on the part of the abuser, makes the act 'not abuse'? Some of the male abusers suffer from depression, BPD, anger issues, etc, but that doesn't change the fact that they are still abusive.

[Woggle]

I think no one focuses much on it because they might assume it's a wife on her period or stressed out about something (can be work-related, family crisis, etc) but not necessarily being verbal for nothing.

 

It is still not an excuse. Many make abusers also have things going on in their lives but it doesn't give anybody the right to take it out on somebody who did nothing to you.

[dragon_fly_7]

Do you feel hormones and stress on the part of the abuser, makes the act 'not abuse'? Some of the male abusers suffer from depression, BPD, anger issues, etc, but that doesn't change the fact that they are still abusive.

Thing is most male abusers go straight towards physical abuse and assaulting someone obviously can get you in jail; that's illegal. With mental/verbal abuser, that might be harder to prove and it's usually just words you have to deal with but nothing comparing to what an abused woman would put up with (words, put downs, physical assault and fear for her life; that's like a whole package right there).

 

Part of the major reason the male abuser is more alarming is because like stated they are more likely to get physical than just throw a verbally/emotional rant. Now if a male abuser was just a mental abuser than that would be difficult to prove too. In this same context, perhaps if the woman both verbally and physically were to abuse her male partner, I guess people would then start classifying it as straight foward abuse.

[AntiSocal]

First of all many men put up with abuse. MANY men. Difference is most men don't care to talk about it/care too much about it so you rarely hear about it. Most men just suck it up and forge ahead. Especially if the women they are with is the women that they want to be with.

 

Second of all girls are too emotional. Most women can't turn off their emotions for a second and just be LOGICAL about a situation. So if a girl believes she is in love she'll put up with pretty much anything. Cuz at the end of the day shes still "so in love"

 

Third of all most women who are in abusive relationships like abuse. Most women like drama, some like it more than others. So no matter what the girl may say, or how much she may complain, she likes being abused just as much as the guy likes abusing her. If she didn't she would up and leave.

 

And last but not least girls are pickier than guys. Every girl thinks that she deserves to settle down with a 9/10 supermodel with rock hard abs and a huge bank account. Abusers know this. So abusers for the most part try and pick girls who are below them in terms of attractiveness. That way they can abuse her all they want without fear of her leaving cuz in her mind she'll think that she can't do any better.

 

At the end of the day it takes two to tango. If a girl hit me once, abused me once, disrespected me once, stole from me once, then shes gone. Fast. If a women allows a man who does these things to stick around? Well thats her fault.

[fortyninethousand322]

Personally I would probably never break up with a girl. I have a hard enough time getting dates that I couldn't just discard someone for something petty like cheating or disrespect.

 

It is annoying that women tolerate so much from men. I think I'd treat a girlfriend pretty well, but I'll probably never get the opportunity to show that...

[AntiSocal]

Personally I would probably never break up with a girl. I have a hard enough time getting dates that I couldn't just discard someone for something petty like cheating or disrespect.

 

It is annoying that women tolerate so much from men. I think I'd treat a girlfriend pretty well, but I'll probably never get the opportunity to show that...

 

With that attitude you'll never get a girlfriend. And when you do she won't be a good one.

 

Cheating and disrespect are not petty things. Your feelings are what should matter to you the most. Don't ever put a girl above yourself if she isn't willing to do the same for you.

 

And girls don't like guys who are willing to put up with anything just to have a girlfriend. They want men who will put them in their place/leave when they get too disrespectful. Thats why they tend to test your nerves at times. To see just how manly you can really get.