BHsigh Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I would just like to hear similar experiences, has anyone else's spouse said things after the affair, during R, that are meant to be nice, but hurt you instead? For instance, my wife has said to me a few times, "I'm lucky to have you, I know that you will always love me no matter what". I just can't help but think to myself that I wish that I could feel that way too, but I can never feel like that again. Edit- I titled that wrong, but eh, close enough right. 2
Spark1111 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I had to tell him to stop saying, "I know I made a mistake." Forgetting to pick up the milk or dry cleaning is a mistake; an almost two year affair, to me, was much, much worse and assuredly not accidental. It minimized the pain I was feeling at that time. I also asked him to stop saying, "I never stopped loving you." The man who grew cold, distant and critical was far from loving during his affair, and anyone who truly loved me could have never lied to my face daily for such a long time. I believe both utterances were to help himself feel better about his actions. It succeeded in convincing me that he had yet to get it, get me, and the pain I was going through then. 1
snappytomcat Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 he says I love you,every 5 minutes,dont get me wrong I like hearing it,but not every 5 minutes,and then he also says ive always loved you,wtf I think ,then why did you cheat 3
Sub Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 One thing that's meant to be funny but is annoying is when she sees me look at my phone and jokingly asks if I'm talking to my "girlfriend". 1
compulsivedancer Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 One thing that's meant to be funny but is annoying is when she sees me look at my phone and jokingly asks if I'm talking to my "girlfriend". She's probably not joking. She's probably scared to death that you'll go get a girlfriend. Even if she knows you won't. 2
EverySunset Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 at first he said he never loved anyone but me. When I showed him emails where he told a few dif girls at different (or even the same time as me/ another girl) times, he said oh, that. I never said I was IN love with them. Really? oh ok my bad. 2
BetrayedH Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Things that my former WS says that annoy me: "Hello..." 13
jnel921 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I had to tell him to stop saying, "I know I made a mistake." Forgetting to pick up the milk or dry cleaning is a mistake; an almost two year affair, to me, was much, much worse and assuredly not accidental. It minimized the pain I was feeling at that time. I also asked him to stop saying, "I never stopped loving you." The man who grew cold, distant and critical was far from loving during his affair, and anyone who truly loved me could have never lied to my face daily for such a long time. I believe both utterances were to help himself feel better about his actions. It succeeded in convincing me that he had yet to get it, get me, and the pain I was going through then. My H said the same two things... The first he stopped saying and now says he made a bad choice. The part where he says he has always loved me I am on the fence about. In recent conversations I mention to him that his behavior was scary. How someone could hurt someone so deeply then claim to be remorseful. He says he thinks back and he thinks his choice was insane an not sure why he never considered the people he cared about the most. Myself, the kids and his good friend whose GF he slept with. Perhaps a temporary insanity or who knows..he may have been overcome by her flattery. I am still debating this in my heart. It's been 17 months since DDay. I have not said the words I love you since before then. I know I do. I just cannot say them. I am sure this is what stops me. I know I could never do what he do to us or our family, but I am a rational person and put my family first. I wish he did that too. There is a part of our M that I feel he took away. Still dealing with everything but in a better place. 3
gettingstronger Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 He's not very original so many of the things we use to say to each other he said to her as well. My biggest gripe and the thing I really miss is acronyms. That was something we always did but when I saw some in their texts it really bothered me. I miss them lots and it pisses me off that he ruined that for us. 1
waterwoman Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Nowt now. But he went through a phase when he used to say 'I loved her because she was worth loving'. That was a response to my trying to blame myself, and also to my mild bitching about her. It pissed me off hugely because it sounded so sanctimonious and saintly. OW was not the virgin Mary, nor some sort of angel, just a confused and unhappy woman blindly grasping for something to make her feel better. And there was nothing sacred about their affair, just the normal selfish crap. Felt much better when h realised that it was all so much smoke and mirrors. 1
Snowflower Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I would just like to hear similar experiences, has anyone else's spouse said things after the affair, during R, that are meant to be nice, but hurt you instead? For instance, my wife has said to me a few times, "I'm lucky to have you, I know that you will always love me no matter what". I just can't help but think to myself that I wish that I could feel that way too, but I can never feel like that again. Edit- I titled that wrong, but eh, close enough right. What she said would really bother me. WS who believe their BS "will always love them no matter what" might then act like they can cheat again and their spouse will still "love them know matter what." Not trying to be a downer but that statement would tick me off big time.
Author BHsigh Posted March 15, 2014 Author Posted March 15, 2014 I had to tell him to stop saying, "I know I made a mistake." Forgetting to pick up the milk or dry cleaning is a mistake; an almost two year affair, to me, was much, much worse and assuredly not accidental. It minimized the pain I was feeling at that time. . I hate it so much when it's referred to as a "mistake", that is one of the worst, luckily my wife was smart enough to never call it that at least.
WhiteOrchid Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 One thing that's meant to be funny but is annoying is when she sees me look at my phone and jokingly asks if I'm talking to my "girlfriend". Ugh, my WH does this too (except he asks if it is my "boyfriend"). I hate it. Also, he expressed jealousy the other day over my high school boyfriend that took my virginity. Are you freaking kidding me? I haven't seen that guy in over a decade. You were just having sex with some skank 7 months ago. Sigh. 3
DasPope Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 I got.... "I'm sorry it meant nothing it was just sex" and "You were never meant to find out" and "it was nothing to do with us" None of these went down well ... 4
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