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Still in Pain from Her Cheating On Me [update- enacted revenge]

Csmith224422

By Csmith224422
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Csmith224422 Established Member

Csmith224422

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My ex cheated on me. She lied to me about being in a relationship when I met her and was seeing both of us at the same time. She had been with the other guy for 2+ years before meeting me. She then broke up with the other guy and saw me for a few months. The other guy promised to change - he had commitment issues. She then she sees both of us again for two months and then breaks up with me.

 

I KNEW NOTHING about this until after we broke up. AGAIN - I KNEW NOTHING. SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS SINGLE. I found out the truth from the other guy. Now she's with him. They got engaged. I feel so hurt. I checked her facebook recently and she has a pick of them together lying in bed. I know I need to stop the cyber stalking. Even if I did that, it still hurts so much. Its been awhile since we were together but I think about her every day. We haven't spoken in 4 months. I don't want to be with her, but I don't want her to be happy either. She got what she wanted by treating me bad. She's engaged now and happy. I feel alone and wonder if I'll even feel the same way for anyone else again.

 

I also question what I did wrong. . . maybe I said this . . . maybe i wasn't supportive enough. . .I don't know.

somecamel Established Member

somecamel

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My ex cheated on me. She lied to me about being in a relationship when I met her and was seeing both of us at the same time. She had been with the other guy for 2+ years before meeting me. She then broke up with the other guy and saw me for a few months. The other guy promised to change - he had commitment issues. She then she sees both of us again for two months and then breaks up with me.

 

I KNEW NOTHING about this until after we broke up. AGAIN - I KNEW NOTHING. SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS SINGLE. I found out the truth from the other guy. Now she's with him. They got engaged. I feel so hurt. I checked her facebook recently and she has a pick of them together lying in bed. I know I need to stop the cyber stalking. Even if I did that, it still hurts so much. Its been awhile since we were together but I think about her every day. We haven't spoken in 4 months. I don't want to be with her, but I don't want her to be happy either. She got what she wanted by treating me bad. She's engaged now and happy. I feel alone and wonder if I'll even feel the same way for anyone else again.

 

I also question what I did wrong. . . maybe I said this . . . maybe i wasn't supportive enough. . .I don't know.

 

Wow, I feel for you dude.

 

You've been been thrown through the churner on this one:(

 

I get that you want her to hurt, that's a natural reaction and I hate to say it but I doubt their relationship will last long anyway regardless of the engagement.

 

The cyber stalking is someone I'm very familiar with, I done it as well, let me tell you that nothing good can come of it I promise you.

 

You will continue to punish yourself.

 

How long were you actually 'with her' for? Can you count as being with her when in fact you were the guy she was having an affair with?

 

It all sounds very messy:(

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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I also question what I did wrong. . . maybe I said this . . . maybe i wasn't supportive enough. . .I don't know.

 

 

 

Or maybe she was a selfish bitch that got her rocks off by playing two guys.

 

 

You need to start moving on with your life. You got played and then you got burned. Look up Michael 93 thread. My story is in there. Find it and read it.

 

 

It was nothing you did. This wasn't your fault. BUT! if you want good news. Her and this other guy isn't going to last. He will always have it in the back of his mind that if she was willing to cheat with him, the she'll be just as willing to cheat on him.

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Csmith224422 Established Member

Csmith224422

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Or maybe she was a selfish bitch that got her rocks off by playing two guys.

 

 

You need to start moving on with your life. You got played and then you got burned. Look up Michael 93 thread. My story is in there. Find it and read it.

 

 

It was nothing you did. This wasn't your fault. BUT! if you want good news. Her and this other guy isn't going to last. He will always have it in the back of his mind that if she was willing to cheat with him, the she'll be just as willing to cheat on him.

 

Well she did cheat on him - she lied and said she was single when we started to date even though she was in a relationship for 2+ years with him at the time. He knows all of this - he even know that I had the keys to her place and was there all the time. Yet, for some reason, I don't think he cares. It's very strange to me. I think he may have cheated on her in the past so maybe that's why . . . she told me when we were together that she suspected that he did things like that and that he treated it like an "open relationship" - I don't know the real story.

pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

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It no longer has anything to do with her. You are perpetuating this cycle now. Yes, what she did was wrong. But the only "revenge" you can have, is leaving it behind you and moving forward.

 

It only lasted a few months. If you're still struggling so badly with this, you need to go and speak to someone.

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Csmith224422 Established Member

Csmith224422

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From what I thought - we were together longer than a few months. This went on for almost a year.

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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I'm confused. I read it to be only a few months as well???

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Csmith224422 Established Member

Csmith224422

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My apologies - Before I found out the truth, I was under the impression that we were EXCLUSIVELY together for just under a year. When in realty - she was was seeing both of us during the beginning and ending months of our relationship . In realty, she only exclusively saw me for 4-5 months but we were together for about 10.

 

Yes that's still short - but we were talking moving in, marriage, kids. I even told my mom about her. I'm 28, but this is the first time I ever really fell in love and did all those things.

pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

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My advice is the same. If you are still having trouble with this, you need to be more proactive in your healing.

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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I'm 28, but this is the first time I ever really fell in love and did all those things.

 

I was 38 before I experienced these things :p

onemanband Established Member

onemanband

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U said u don't want to be with her just let it go.find another lady friend that might help

With the pain don't dwell in the past the only way to get over it is to look

Towards the future

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Csmith224422 Established Member

Csmith224422

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I'm trying to let it go - I keep thinking about them together and I can't help it. The thought of them together drives me crazy.

pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

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I'm trying to let it go - I keep thinking about them together and I can't help it. The thought of them together drives me crazy.

 

Well, you need to quit the FB stalking, for a start.

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Csmith224422 Established Member

Csmith224422

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I've done that and it still bothers me. I just think she got what she wanted from treating me so bad. She's happy with the dude and engaged. She doesn't even care about how I'm doing or how her lies hurt me so much. I never meant crap to her.

pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

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I've done that and it still bothers me. I just think she got what she wanted from treating me so bad. She's happy with the dude and engaged. She doesn't even care about how I'm doing or how her lies hurt me so much. I never meant crap to her.

 

Then go and speak to a therapist. You have to help yourself. This happens in life, everyone experiences betrayal at least once. But stewing over it won't help. You need to help yourself, not hope her life goes to s***.

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Csmith224422 Established Member

Csmith224422

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I did something really immature. My ex cheated on me. She lied about being single and was really in a relationship with her bf of 2 years almost the whole time we were together (they were on and off).

 

Anyway - they got back together and she's now engaged to him. She was really mean to me when I found out the truth that she had been cheating on me the whole time. She was actually mad at me for finding out.

 

Anyway, I had a friend call her twice pretending to be having an affair with her now fiancee.

 

I feel bad that I did it - but at the same time feel like she deserves it. I dont think it affected their relationship. Maybe she thinks it's not true. I don;t know....but I dont feel bad if I hurt her by the call...I just feel bad that I involved myself again in her life.

 

Anyway, I know a lot of you may be pissed at me for doing that. I'm going to stop....I wanted to admit it here at least.

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lauri Established Member

lauri

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I did something really immature. My ex cheated on me. She lied about being single and was really in a relationship with her bf of 2 years almost the whole time we were together (they were on and off).

 

Anyway - they got back together and she's now engaged to him. She was really mean to me when I found out the truth that she had been cheating on me the whole time. She was actually mad at me for finding out.

 

Anyway, I had a friend call her twice pretending to be having an affair with her now fiancee.

 

I feel bad that I did it - but at the same time feel like she deserves it. I dont think it affected their relationship. Maybe she thinks it's not true. I don;t know....but I dont feel bad if I hurt her by the call...I just feel bad that I involved myself again in her life.

 

Anyway, I know a lot of you may be pissed at me for doing that. I'm going to stop....I wanted to admit it here at least.

 

By doing stuff like this you are sinking to her level and letting yourself get emotionally involved again.

 

I know you are hurt and feel she doesn't deserve to be happy right now...but you should be happy you dodged this bullet. You deserve so much better then what she put you through.

 

One thing I cannot stand is cheating and going after / being with a girl that you KNOW is taken. Does her current fiance know about this? If he did, I have zero respect for both of them.

 

This girl doesn't even deserve your attention, your thoughts, your time, your energy and even vengeance. If you really want to get back at her, you need to live life to the fullest and realize that you are so much more then what you just did.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Yeah, not too cool. But, I'm not going to blast you too hard about it.

 

 

However, what you should have done was inform her fiancé about the relationship she had with you. He had the right to know the truth about the woman that he is about to marry.

 

 

Too late now, because if you tried to tell him now, it would be to much of a coincidence that someone is now calling him up stating that she was cheating after she just received phonecalls of him cheating on her. He'll think that people are messing with them and won't believe it.

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Csmith224422 Established Member

Csmith224422

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lauri - thank you so much. I think what you said really struck a cord. Yes the other guy knows. He know she lied to me about being single and played games with both of us.

 

I think he's done similar things to her in the past and that's why he was cool with it.

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Csmith224422 Established Member

Csmith224422

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However, what you should have done was inform her fiancé about the relationship she had with you. He had the right to know the truth about the woman that he is about to marry.

 

 

He knows....he's the one I found out everything from . . . he knows that she cheated on him and dumped him for me at one point.

 

She eventually told him . .. but not the whole truth.

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mangetout Established Member

mangetout

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And he still wants to marry her?! How dis she sugar coat that one?

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Strength in Healing Established Member

Strength in Healing

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lauri - thank you so much. I think what you said really struck a cord. Yes the other guy knows. He know she lied to me about being single and played games with both of us.

 

I think he's done similar things to her in the past and that's why he was cool with it.

 

 

Lmao a match made in heaven..

 

That's the type of "match" made in Heaven that lights the fires of hell

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Csmith224422 Established Member

Csmith224422

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I don't know . . . it is really weird the whole thing.

 

He knows that I had the keys to her place and everything. He also knows that her and I made a sex tape. We made this tape before she broke up with him (so while they were still together). So she broke up with him after dating me for a few months but then saw him again at the end of our relationship.

 

By the way - I didn't know about him until the end...and he didnt know about me.

 

Her relationship with me was really sexual. Before I found out about the lies I deleted all the messages her and I had. I wish I saved them so I could have sent them to him (all the sexual stuff she said to me - while I now know she was with him). I found out after the fact, that she went on a one week trip with him before she broke up with him. During the week she was texting me all this sexual stuff while she was touring a new city with him.

 

Its like an episode of Jerry Springer. .. .

Maverick89 Member

Maverick89

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I'm really sorry Csmith224422... I kinda understand of how you're feeling, your case seems very complicated.

 

My advice is, try to find indifference when you think of your ex... this requires some time... I know it's very hard, I'm currently in this process with my own BU and I know it hurts a lot.

 

All I can say is, Karma is a bitch... So be and do good... don't go around and have your 'vengeance' on other... it sounds cliché but they say that the best revenge is to have a good life... Improve yourself and they will eventually find out that you're a better person and man because of what happened. You wouldn't know happiness if you don't understand pain. And you wouldn't understand true love without understanding how a broken heart feels like.

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Almond_Joy Established Member

Almond_Joy

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lauri - thank you so much. I think what you said really struck a cord. Yes the other guy knows. He know she lied to me about being single and played games with both of us.

 

I think he's done similar things to her in the past and that's why he was cool with it.

 

Their idea of commitment and yours are obviously not the same. Regardless of what you felt for her, this couldn't have worked out. She was leading a double life. Even if she stayed with you.....would you have rather found this out way down the line? After marriage a home and children? You would lose so much more than the feeling of new love.

 

I know it doesn't feel like this now, but this is a HUGE blessing. You'll find love again one day. Best wishes for a successful breakup recovery :).

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