GoodOnPaper Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 It's doubtful she'll find that anywhere. If she's this emotionally insecure, she needs another equally emotionally insecure guy. Those guys never approach women. You can't put the cart before the horse. You have to date. You have to have the fun, and the superficial, before you get to the deep stuff. I disagree -- there's nothing wrong with knowing you want an LTR and aiming for that. Why bother with casual relationships if you think they won't be satisfying or if you can't attract partners for such hookups, anyway? The problem is that if you decide on this approach when you are young -- like I did -- you don't realize how small of a minority you are in. The few girls who would date me always had a preconceived "shelf life" for our relationships going in and that drove me crazy. If the OP is fairly young, I can say that there are young LTR-minded guys out there, but you'll need to dig deep to find them.
Tayla Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Rome was NOT built in a day. As to being direct with your dating scenarios and what terms you seek, there is another component. The other person may not be going 80 miles an hour. Some people consider time an investment ...sounds to me this person wants "instant" results from just breathing in that persons direction. Like magically it will be spellbound love. It happens in fairytales only. So learn to pace yourself. You will find that you are casting off 90% of potential mates simply because you have limited the way you date. Yes, pretentiousness is boring when starting to date...yet there is a bit of mystery from it. Judging too early perhaps?
hoping2heal Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I understand your point but...... Usually, the people who rush into relationships and get super serious are doing so because they have emotional issues of which they try to solve with people, in which case it isn't the person they get to know and love, respect, etc. They objectify people whether intentionally or not, and that really is not a good thing either. I don't think all people date with the intention of being casual, either. But, you have to do the leg work there really is not a way around that. You have to have a few dates / convos, see if there is a connection. Unless you're dealing with a lying con (those bastards are out there, from both sexes) then you can probably guage after a few dates what the man is looking for (and ask him). Just because he isn't looking to marry you after a few dates, doesn't mean he isn't also dating with the purpose of finding a stable committment vs. casual sex and flingy romance.
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