Jules Dash Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Well, it's not my intention to be misleading because it would be counterproductive to come on a site like this asking for advice and intentionally be deceptive. I honestly do want to understand the real problem. Obviously, all of us have a bias that can blind us to objective realities. But I am not intentionally "framing" with my "words." I'm feeling slightly offended at this accusation, but I also understand that online forums lend themselves to people who are trying to justify themselves. I'm not sure how to convince anyone otherwise, but I honestly don't want anyone blowing sunshine where it doesn't belong. I will gladly answer any questions that might help uncover a hidden agenda on my part. If anyone would even find that helpful. Perhaps not. Perhaps I need to confine my questions exclusively to sessions with my therapist. Well said. No one comes on these forums to be attacked and we all know that whenever we seek relationship advice from our very own friends and family, the information we provide to them is biased. It is only natural. Trying to dig out every little morsel of just how much you may have contributed to your failed relationships is counterproductive unless that is specifically what you request to hear. I think the appropriate thing to do on these forums is to take the information at face value and provide your advice with the cards you are given. It doesn't matter what you are hiding. The advice given is to help you out since you are the one here on the forum asking for it from your point of view and your girlfriend is not here asking for advice. This advice should also help to serve those with similar issues in a relationship whatever part they may play in the relationship. With that said, this is a horrible relationship, Aviator. No matter who did or said what, things have crossed into a nasty place that I do not think two people can reasonably come back from to develop a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Proceed knowing this. You can go back to her again and again. That is your choice as an adult.
travelbug1996 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 (edited) Sudd3nly, she appeared, disheveled, soaking wet, upset, and started demanding to know why I hadnt answered her calls (which I had not heard). I told her I had been out back the whole time since I told her where I was going. She started yelling at me that she didn't see how it was possible for me not to have heard her and that she was fearful that I had been murdered. She is beyond crazy and you will be just as crazy in a short amount of time if you keep this up. You mention you have an 'attachment and attraction" for her. Sounds like you have become emotionally dependent and attached to a crazy person. Please don't take this in the wrong way but you have no boundaries with her and you're not healthy enough to be in a relationship with anyone. Even after she said f you, you STAYED. Really? No body talks to me like that. Edited September 4, 2014 by travelbug1996
Author aviator423 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 She is beyond crazy and you will be just as crazy in a short amount of time if you keep this up. You mention you have an 'attachment and attraction" for her. Sounds like you have become emotionally dependent and attached to a crazy person. Please don't take this in the wrong way but you have no boundaries with her and you're not healthy enough to be in a relationship with anyone. Even after she said f you, you STAYED. Really? No body talks to me like that. This is probably more true than I want it to be. I do struggle with boundaries. I'm getting better, but it's still a struggle. In fact, standing up for myself is the biggest weakness my therapist says I have. My therapist is also concerned that I seem to have an attraction to troubled women. If I can understand where that comes from, I might make progress. I could probably blame my disordered mother (suicide threats from her aren't unheard of), but blaming your parents is too easy. Understanding this dynamic in who I'm attracted to will be a major breakthrough....
Author aviator423 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 There was something else that happened right after we got back together that always struck me as odd. Not sure if there's anything to it, but here goes.... One day after doing some yard work, I came inside to take a shower. She didn't really need one, but she came and say on the floor of the bathroom to watch me shower though the chat glass door. She said she just wanted to look at me a while. It kinda creeped me out. I know I should feel flattered, but I just felt very self conscious. I told her a couple of times that I felt odd about it, but she just seemed and surprised and kept telling me repeatedly that she just liked looking at and admiring me. It wasn't a HUGE deal at the time. But it just felt a little strange...
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