warrenorabbits Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) So I started dating this girl I work with (it's a bad idea, I get it) and about a month ago we broke up. Unfortunately, things went downhill from there and I confronted her in a regrettable (but not violent or mean) way about not getting an invitation to her birthday party. This led to us cutting off even our friendship. Just a few days ago, however, I apologized and we made up and decided to be friends. The problem is that I want to be more than that. We talked about that possibility and her response was unambiguous ... and yet ambiguous. She said she felt our personalities didn't match and that she didn't feel "that spark" when we kissed (a total surprise for me because I felt the exact opposite). Also, she told me that she was interested in (but not dating) someone else, this so that I "wouldn't be surprised if she was taken in the future." At the same time, I could tell that her voice was breaking as she said all this and I can also tell that she still likes me at least a little bit. Clearly this is not going to work right now, but I don't want to lose her. But if I'm thinking rationally I'm probably just setting myself up for heartbreak by holding on to her. I just wish there's something I could say to change her mind. I don't really know what my question is ... thoughts? PS I should add that we don't work in the same department but still pass by one another. Edited March 14, 2014 by warrenorabbits
Chi townD Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 The problem is that I want to be more than that. We talked about that possibility and her response was unambiguous ... and yet ambiguous. She said she felt our personalities didn't match and that she didn't feel "that spark" when we kissed (a total surprise for me because I felt the exact opposite). Also, she told me that she was interested in (but not dating) someone else, this so that I "wouldn't be surprised if she was taken in the future." At the same time, I could tell that her voice was breaking as she said all this and I can also tell that she still likes me at least a little bit. Dude, hate to break it to you. That's already happening. She told you that to break it to you as gently as possible. But, it also explains why she didn't invite you to her birthday party. Because the other guy is going to be there and she didn't want things to get awkward. Dude, you are not her friend. I'm sure you didn't get into an intimate relationship with her for the end result being that you are nothing more than a friend to her. You need to go No Contact on her. Avoid her as much as possible. YOU NEED TO BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!!! She already told you about another guy. Now that it's out in the open, it's only a matter of time before she starts posting pictures of them together and you don't need to see that. Time to heal and move on.
d0nnivain Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 There is no romantic future for you two & the sooner you let go of that fantasy, the better off you will be. Unfortunately because you want more holding on to the little bit -- the possible friendship -- only hurts you more. Since you already know she's interested in somebody else, what are you going to do, watch them fall in love? Ouch. Don't do it to yourself. If this is just a job & not your career, look for a new one ASAP. If it is your career, do your best to avoid her at work but don't let this affect your professionalism
Author warrenorabbits Posted March 14, 2014 Author Posted March 14, 2014 Deep down I know that moving on is the best thing to do. There's a >90% chance that she'll never go out with me again and that I'll just end up hurt. And especially if this guy is another guy from work I'm just going to get ripped open again every time I see them together. But it's a lot easier said that done. In the organ that feels, I want to hold on to that <10% in case she changes her mind ... It feels terrible, especially when I was the one that originally broke up with her.
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