AbigailArcane Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) My bf and I have been together almost 5 years. We do not live together. Like many long term relationships, we had ups and downs. I was going through nursing school and also working. I have since graduated (last April) and started my first job (last October). I have been very stressed and working extremely hard these past few years. He and I made it through all of that somehow. However, things since I started my job have been tough. A month ago, I told him if he preferred it, I could walk away from the relationship (in the past six months or so, I have really felt he was not appreciating me and I told him I deserve better). He basically agreed. We mutually decided to break up. However a week or so later, I heard from him that I was on his mind, that he missed me. We started communicating and got together for lunch a few times. Then, he stopped contacting me again -- for about a week. This morning I get a long text, telling me he loves me, thinks the world of me, is proud of all I accomplished, that I didn't deserve to be treated as he's treated me the last few months. But he doesn't think we can be together due to having things in common. He couldn't have been nicer. He said he's really hurting right now, this was hard for him, etc. My thoughts are, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me. I am in love with him, and I want it to work, but I'm letting him go since that's what he wants. I've had so much on my plate with my new career. Part of me is glad he's been so nice, yet this other part of me would rather be mad at him. My question is -- I'm wondering about the grass is always greener scenario -- should I nicely respond and just wish him well? I'll be honest when I say I'm hoping he realizes he wants me back. Edited March 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) One thing I have learnt is men don't like to be the dumper. If they see a way out and they are unhappy they will take it. You saying I can let this relationship go, you deserve more blah blah gave him his way out. He also made it look like it was your idea and him being nice and complimentary about it means he doesn't look like a jerk Don't reply... Leave it be... Move on Edited March 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed full quote 2
Woodox Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I don't agree. Not saying I'm right but from my point of view. I have no problem ending it with a girl and have done most of the time if I'm not happy. To me it sounds like he could be being sincere. He is saying I love you, your amazing etc etc but he knows that the relationship you guys had is not exactly the one he wants and its better to let it go to open up opportunities for the right one to come along for both of you. I still love my ex and will for a long time even though she hurt me so much i'll never forgive her and i know that we are not right for each other. intellectual reasoning and emotional feelings don't always go hand in hand. As i said I could be wrong I don't know this guy. My advice, treat it like a nice goodbye use it as your closure and allow yourself to get over him and move forward with your life. If he wants back he will make it very obvious but assume that its never going to happen and live for you. I know the feeling of wanting to be angry from a breakup, but to be honest I've had both types of breakups and being angry is horrible it creates more questions and fills you with more negative emotion. I had to learn to let the anger go before i could even begin to move on. Good luck with whatever path you decide to take.
Author AbigailArcane Posted March 15, 2014 Author Posted March 15, 2014 Thanks for your reply,Woodox. I responded to his txt. I told him I wished him the best. That I hadn't been happy either and while I tried to work things out, maybe I was wrong to think they could be fixed. I told him though that I wanted to try and I did (to work on fixing things) -- so I could live with the breakup. He said he wanted us to talk and say everything we needed to and he would give my stuff back. I told him my friend would get it all from him -- that there was no rush, just to let her know when he had it together. I told him I could never hate him, that I loved him too and also valued our time together. I told him I would be unfriending him on FB, but that I wanted to let him know first. I told him it wasn't due to spite, just something I needed to do for a clean break. He responded he would get my things to my friend and that ill always have a special place in his heart. So of course now i sit here wondering if I sounded too cold, should we have gotten together and talked, etc. This is so hard. I think I did the right thing though. Of course I still hope we find our way back . However, I'm going to do my best to focus on myself and my happiness. The way I see it, this is all on him. I'm not going to chase someone who doesn't want me. He may see the grass isn't always greener.
faithfully Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Yeahh you are right, in life we cant chase people who dont want us. Just concentrate on yourself and hopefully you will meet some one who is worth your time and makes that effort to want to be with you. Noo you werent being harsh or nasty. At least you were civil in your final words. I never had that in my break up. It was horrible words and name calling after. You will be alright
Woodox Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Good job!! It sounds like you did the best you could. Said what you wanted but it seems clear it is over and now you need to treat it as such, not seeing him is a good idea you shouldn't drag it out, it is a break so the sooner it is finalized the sooner you can heal. You were not cold at all you were honest and that's all you can do, if he wants to try again then he will let you know but now assume it is done for good and focus on you. Maybe it is the end and that will be for the best, maybe the time apart will help you both and you will get back together I don't know only time will tell all you can do is focus on you. You want someone that wants to be with you and no one else. Chasing someone doesn't create that it, you shouldn't need to chase they should just be there for you. Don't settle! Wait for the right person don't force someone to be what you want!
Author AbigailArcane Posted March 15, 2014 Author Posted March 15, 2014 You guys are so nice here! Thank you! Makes me wish i wasnt on my ipad (hate typing on it).,.i like it here . Update....I have not yet FB unfriended him yet. That will be tough. So five minutes ago, he 'liked' one of my posts....hence the reason I must unfriend him...since I sit here thinking "is he regretting it?" Pathetic I know.
Woodox Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Not pathetic! Normal! Don't start putting yourself down and thinking less of yourself for the emotions you feel. Accept that you feel these emotions because of the love you have and the dreams you had about that relationship, its a good thing because it means that one day you are capable of feeling something special for someone special. One day at a time, some days will be hard and others will be easy. You have to stay strong, keep the focus on you and in the end you will heal and your life will become great again!
pickflicker Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 You've been together 5 years and he broke up with you via text? I missed the part where he was being "too nice". 2
Author AbigailArcane Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 No, he did not break up with me via txt. However after agreeing to split we stayed in touch.
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 No, he did not break up with me via txt. However after agreeing to split we stayed in touch. What's the point in trying to heal if they are still around and a constant reminder? You'll never move on like that. 2
pickflicker Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 No, he did not break up with me via txt. However after agreeing to split we stayed in touch. Go No Contact now. 1
Author AbigailArcane Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 I've been no contact since Saturday. I do feel better. I think it's all for the best. I haven't unfriended him on FB yet. I'm thinking ill post a hot new photo and then unfriend him....LOL...just kidding...kind of 1
lamis Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 This sounds a lot like my break-up from last week, only my fiancée was the one who was nice about the whole thing, and I did much what you did, replied that I understood, that I didn't want to be with her if she didn't want to be with me, and so on. I think when two people are really mature and have shared a long connection, like you and your boyfriend did and like me and my fiancée did, the break-up doesn't have to explode into craziness. Both people can respect one another, know they will always love each other on some level, and be happy that they had the happy time together they did. Obviously there is lots of grieving and pain still involved, but I don't know if exploding into anger or being mad at the other person really helps with that, it is just another way of grieving and probably a less healthy way of grieving. People who get angry are mostly blaming the other person, when in reality sometimes relationships just end -- it isn't always someone's fault. Feelings change, that's life, and it isn't anyone's fault. So anyway I am basically saying kudos to you for having a mature break-up.
David87 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I've been no contact since Saturday. I do feel better. I think it's all for the best. I haven't unfriended him on FB yet. I'm thinking ill post a hot new photo and then unfriend him....LOL...just kidding...kind of No, don't do that because it's childish. Just block him now. 1
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