happywithlife Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 My ex-husband and I were married for almost 11 years.We've been seperated for almost two years and divorced for one year. We have 2 kids together. He has a new girlfriend (dating long distance for about 3 months now). I just got a friend request from her on facebook! I really don't know what to do with the request. I'm not friends w/ my ex on facebook or in person. We only communicate about the kids. I can see the benefit - opening up lines of communication with a person who may play a significant role in my kids life (if the relationship works out). But I also see the drawbacks - my ex using it as a way to spy on me. (Though I have nothing inappropriate on there). Any one else ever have a similar scenario?
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) Do not add her. When the time comes she is married to your ex, involved in your kids lives on a daily basis and you've met her etc., there's no point right now with her having access to your fb. I really don't know what to do with the request. I'm not friends w/ my ex on facebook or in person. We only communicate about the kids. Another reason as to not have her on your page. Whether or not it's to spy, be nosy etc., they are a new relationship, barely 3 months and it's long distance. Edited March 14, 2014 by whichwayisup
Author happywithlife Posted March 14, 2014 Author Posted March 14, 2014 I wish my ex thought like you! He tries to make my kids Skype with his new girlfriend, has told them why she divorced her two ex-husbands, how they are both having custody battles with her over the two kids, how they would like to move in together but don't know how since they both have exes to deal with, and that they would like to have a baby girl together since his GF only has boys! All this after only 3 months and seeing her 4 times! Not to mention that my kids are only 6 and 8 year old - way too young to hear information like that! Add to that he is taking the kids to her place this weekend to stay there. My son (the older of my two kids) is not excited about going! He tried to convince me to let him bring her to my parent's house so the kids could meet her a few weeks ago! I said no of course.
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Your kids should not be exposed to his long distance girlfriend. He is not putting their feelings first above his own. WTF. 3 months in, the kids don't need to skype with her. How old are your kids? Are they old enough to speak for themselves, tell their dad they're not ready to meet/speak to his gf? Add to that he is taking the kids to her place this weekend to stay there. My son (the older of my two kids) is not excited about going! You need to let him know it's too soon and the kids aren't ready for meeting her yet. Tell him to start putting them first and stop pushing the gf onto them. Her life sounds like a dramatic mess. He tried to convince me to let him bring her to my parent's house so the kids could meet her a few weeks ago! I said no of course. Wow, totally inappropriate, timing and location!
Author happywithlife Posted March 14, 2014 Author Posted March 14, 2014 I have told him that. He claims that they are madly in love and that this is a long term commitment so its appropriate. He has a diagnosed personality disorder, generalized anxiety, and major depression that is not well managed. So even though I try to talk with him, it gets me no where. I'd rather talk to a brick wall! The kids are only 6 and 8 so he bribes them when they say they don't want to go. They are getting new toys if they sleep at the girlfriend's house!
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I have told him that. He claims that they are madly in love and that this is a long term commitment so its appropriate. He has a diagnosed personality disorder, generalized anxiety, and major depression that is not well managed. So even though I try to talk with him, it gets me no where. I'd rather talk to a brick wall! The kids are only 6 and 8 so he bribes them when they say they don't want to go. They are getting new toys if they sleep at the girlfriend's house! Put your foot down and say no to the sleepover. He is NOT putting their feelings first, this he has to understand. You are the stable parent here, unfortunately his mental health issues DO come to play in this situation. Maybe it's time to involve the courts... Sorry to bring that up but it's obvious he is looking after his own best interests and his gf's best interests over the kids. He can see the kids but not his gf..Yet. YOU need to meet her face and face and judge for yourself if you feel your kids will be okay around the two of them.
Author happywithlife Posted March 14, 2014 Author Posted March 14, 2014 I wish it were that easy! The courts pretty much will only grant supervised visits if they have physically gone after the kids to the point they have had to seek medical attention. I tried. He has them one night a week amd every other weekend. Am thinking about a no ouy of state travel without weitten consent of the custodial parent though. I'm scared that if I don't uphold his visitation times the court will give him the children.
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