SiaLv82 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I'd say I'm above average in attraction and get numerous requests yet rarely are any my type. It is either non-educated lack job, over 40 searching for youth, or just flat out no attraction (typically due to non healthy habits). Other women seem to go on multiple dates per week from these sites .I'm lucky if I have come across 5 in between 3 dating sites that had enough flare to meet up within last 6 months. I don't multi date so prefer to get to know well prior to meeting up rather than randomly just going out with anyone who e-mails me. Eharmony - 1046 emails within 6 months, Match had about 500? within my one month subscription....so not a lack of opportunity. Any other women jump on the OLD bandwagon and walk away frustrated? I am definitely about there.... I'm in my early 30s btw
LostConfused123 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Yeah, same as you. I would say I'm well above average and a pretty damn good catch. I'm on one site and I've had one date in 3 months. Lots of offers but I rarely feel that spark.I've flirted with a couple guys and got no response so I guess they didn't feel the spark either. I don't think it's personal. Just that chemistry. Anyway I figure when it's meant to happen it will.
babycakees Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Yes. I'm in my late 20's and I feel the same way. I get lots of messages, just no one who isn't type. It's hit and miss.
pickflicker Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 With that amount of emails, you should be going out of plenty of dates. I'd say you're being a bit picky. If they can write a coherent sentence and make you laugh, go on a date. You've got nothing to lose. 8
Mo_Do Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I just signed up to Match, what a clusterf****. I send a note to one girl and before I've even hit send its asking me to message "other similar women". It also says "here are your daily matches, talk to them" and urges me to message them as well, 8-9 in a row! So I am going to say that a lot of meaningless messages are flying around on that site because of poor structure. EHarmony has been slower for me, I only get like 1-2 matches a day and I rarely like them. There's only two which I am in the Q&A with right now that I would genuinely like to meet, besides the biological clock ticking time bomb 35-37 year olds on there looking for sperm donors that message me everyday. The last time I did the OLD thing it took me 3-4 months to find a LTR from it and I don't multi-date either. I've gotten tied up with multi-dater women and the dates always suck, its just a structured BS interview or a disaster from the start because there was no build up or getting to further know each other via messaging or calling. (Although those always sting when they dont work out after meeting, which is 80% of the time). I know you were looking for a female perspective, but there's one from a guy
travelbug1996 Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Yup about 500 emails and the men are either passive waiting for me to ask them out or they're not attractive or no class. Oh well. Good thing I meet men IRL.
kaylan Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) Seriously OP, that many emails, in NY, for a women in her 30s, and you cant find one decent dude? I live in NY and I call bs. Either you are too picky or the quality men just arent interested in you (Id guess its both). There are plenty of decent guys in their 30s and 40s in NY. If you are doing so bad, maybe you should reach other to the men online and in real life. Whenever I see women who live in a well populated area complain about a lack of good options, I can bet my soul on it that shes the reason she is not successful. Edited March 14, 2014 by kaylan
topaMAXX Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 If you are a woman and having difficulty finding dates (especially on OLD), the problem is with you, not the sites or the men on the sites.
Keenly Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Oh my lord. 1000 emails in 6 months? You poor, poor thing. 5
Allumere Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Oh my lord. 1000 emails in 6 months? You poor, poor thing.
Allumere Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I'd say I'm above average in attraction and get numerous requests yet rarely are any my type. It is either non-educated lack job, over 40 searching for youth, or just flat out no attraction (typically due to non healthy habits). Other women seem to go on multiple dates per week from these sites .I'm lucky if I have come across 5 in between 3 dating sites that had enough flare to meet up within last 6 months. I don't multi date so prefer to get to know well prior to meeting up rather than randomly just going out with anyone who e-mails me. Eharmony - 1046 emails within 6 months, Match had about 500? within my one month subscription....so not a lack of opportunity. Any other women jump on the OLD bandwagon and walk away frustrated? I am definitely about there.... I'm in my early 30s btw Honestly, it is you. That much response and no luck. Sorry but I have to agree you are being way too picky. Sp let me ask, what are your requirements? You are looking for perfection from 2 paragraphs and a few photos on a computer screen.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I did the online dating for about 8 months. Went on 14 dates before I met my guy. After awhile, I didn't waste a lot of time chatting online because it was always a completely different experience once we met in person. Also, some guys are not very good writing profiles or conveying themselves over messages. Towards the end, I was always setting up dates for the coming weekend. The sooner the better. Relying on a spark before you meet can also hinder the process as you never know what's hidden behind that profile. My guy was date #15, and like most, I was ready to throw in the towel. Not even sure what made me favorite him. Pics were okay. Profile had nothing really revealing except he showed a little humility. We started chatting on a Wednesday, met up that Saturday. He is such an incredible man, you wouldn't even believe me if I told you. Nothing in his profile or introductory message gave me a hint of the person that was hiding underneath. My point is that you never know who you may be dismissing if you're relying on the limited perspective that online profiles and an over abundance of messages can give you. 3
Conners Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Almost sounds like you wrote this to talk yourself up. If you are "above average" and that many dudes that are willing to give you the time of day, why don't you go out and meet guys rather than look for them online.
Copelandsanity Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I'm not going to lie. I've taken a look a guys' profiles for fun, and I have to admit that a significant majority of them are just flat out terrible. There are bad female profiles too, but nowhere near the scale of male ones.
kaylan Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Seriously OP, that many emails, in NY, for a women in her 30s, and you cant find one decent dude? I live in NY and I call bs. Either you are too picky or the quality men just arent interested in you (Id guess its both). There are plenty of decent guys in their 30s and 40s in NY. If you are doing so bad, maybe you should reach out to the men online and in real life. Whenever I see women who live in a well populated area complain about a lack of good options, I can bet my soul on it that shes the reason she is not successful. Fix the original typo with the bolded correction.
Keenly Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I'm not going to lie. I've taken a look a guys' profiles for fun, and I have to admit that a significant majority of them are just flat out terrible. There are bad female profiles too, but nowhere near the scale of male ones. Worse than " just ask " ? 1
OhThatGirl Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 You have to go on dates. Take the ones with no immediate deal breakers (sounds like you may need to reduce your list of deal breakers) and go from there. It's a lot of coffee dates. A lot of cheap, quick, in and out meet ups. Remember OLD is not to find your husband. It's merely a tool to help with introductions. A crappy one at that. For me I do a quick assessment: age, education, career, even somewhat attractive (I don't put a lot of weight on this, attraction is strongly related to confidence and personality which I can really only identify in person), wants kids. I only read the rest once those criteria are met, as it weeds a lot of people out. If there are no serious issues with the actual profile, I will respond and make light conversation. I don't even judge that too much. If there are still no red flags I generally agree to meet up. I've been on 5 dates (3 guys) in 3 months. I have a date tomorrow and one on Sunday. I'm usually impressed with the guys more in person than by their profile. One had tattoos and liked surfing.. No way, I hate tattoos and have no interest in surfing. Turns out he was a great guy and I was attracted to him. We went on 2 dates but he moved on in the end. Oh well, just reinforced the fact I should give some of those questionable guys a chance! Years ago I was on a site and immediately thought "nah, no way" but as it was my first time trying OLD I gave him a chance.. Turned into a 2 year long relationship that despite it not working out, was certainly worth the chance. I'm almost 30. Cut back on the deal breakers, loosen up the criteria, give some guys a chance. And.... If you're looking for someone with an active lifestyle, move to southern California. I enjoy being active but trying to find someone that also enjoys lazy days as much as I do is my big challenge! 3
Phoe Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Profiles are difficult. It's not easy to make a block of text accurately depict who you are as a person. Profiles really ought to be basic. Get some basic facts in so that people can make some judgment calls on important things regarding compatibility, and when those things match up, go ahead and meet up and THEN assess the person. Trying to assess personality through a block of text on a webpage is likely going to fail. You have just got to meet more people in person. 2
OhThatGirl Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I did the online dating for about 8 months. Went on 14 dates before I met my guy. After awhile, I didn't waste a lot of time chatting online because it was always a completely different experience once we met in person. Also, some guys are not very good writing profiles or conveying themselves over messages. Towards the end, I was always setting up dates for the coming weekend. The sooner the better. Relying on a spark before you meet can also hinder the process as you never know what's hidden behind that profile. My guy was date #15, and like most, I was ready to throw in the towel. Not even sure what made me favorite him. Pics were okay. Profile had nothing really revealing except he showed a little humility. We started chatting on a Wednesday, met up that Saturday. He is such an incredible man, you wouldn't even believe me if I told you. Nothing in his profile or introductory message gave me a hint of the person that was hiding underneath. My point is that you never know who you may be dismissing if you're relying on the limited perspective that online profiles and an over abundance of messages can give you. This. I've had this experience too. Those "eh" guys tend to be pretty great when you meet up. You just have to give them a chance. There will be bad and good. Have fun telling the stories about the bad ones and have more fun telling stories about the good ones. 1
Keenly Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 This. I've had this experience too. Those "eh" guys tend to be pretty great when you meet up. You just have to give them a chance. There will be bad and good. Have fun telling the stories about the bad ones and have more fun telling stories about the good ones. It's too bad most women won't listen to you.
silvermercy Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Same as you OP. Same age, same situations. I've got so many messages on eharmony but I get exactly the same types of men as you describe. Even their pics look like police mug shots to me. I haven't even tried match.com but it seems even more dubious. Right now I don't even check the profiles or pics anymore as I know what I'm gonna get 99.99% of the time. I don't know how other women here do it. :/
Gaeta Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 You manage your online dating way too seriously. Your main goal should be to have fun while you do this. I have been online on and off for 3 years and I met + 100 men. I have enough stories to write book. Through it all I have learn A LOT about myself, what I want and what I don't want. One example: I had exchanged with this man online for about a week. I wasn't too impressed of his profile, grammar was bad and his profile said he was 5'3''. I am 5'3'' but geezzz in my mind my dream guy had to be taller. One Saturday night I'm sitting home doing nothing, he shoots me a message and he says about we grab that coffee now? I said to myself meh! why not. I know this is not my prince charming but got nothing to do. I got to the coffee shop and in front of me was a 6' tall jaw-dropping-gorgeous man!! Turned out the 5'3'' in his profile was a mistake and he did not know how to change it. Him and I dated for 1 year, and after that remained friends. I can call him up anytime in the middle of the night and he will bail me out of anything. Meeting him enhanced my life in many ways even if he did not turned out to be Mr. Right. So go out there and HAVE FUN just for the heck of it !! 1
PegNosePete Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 You're not happy with the quality of men who are sending messages to you. So why don't you search for men who are your type and message them? It ain't rocket science 3
SoonMyFriend Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I had a mixed bag experience, but I think it had to do more with the energy I was putting into OLD. I did OKC. When I first signed up, I was getting lots of messages and went on a few dates. (Oh, and I am late 20s, a great catch, and can take a decent photo). Then as expected, there was the drop off and I just, quite frankly, got bored of the whole thing. I decided to take a break and I'll probably go back in a few months. If you are getting messages and WANT to go on dates, the best advice is what OhThatGirl has already said - loosen up and go on more dates. OLD is hit & miss, but at the end of the day, it's supposed to be fun and a great way to meet people and have a few good stories to tell.
ctxinfl Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 OLD profiles, text messaging, and email are all terrible forms of communication. Use them as simple tools for weeding out the clearly inappropriate. Nothing more. After that your goal should be setting up a date. Sitting face-to-face with someone is the only way you can truly begin to get to know them. 2
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