FolderWife Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) In December I made friends with Cathy, and we have been inseparable ever since. We spent so much time together that my roommate and I moved her into our spare bedroom so we could split the rent 3 ways. I needed help moving a motorcycle, so Cathy (who is 23) called her friend Bobby to come and help us move it. On the way to pick up Bobby, Cathy told me he would be a good guy for me to have as a friend-with-benefits because he does not want a relationship, and I do not want a relationship. She told me a little bit about him, and indicated that we could have no strings fun together. We picked up Bobby,and he immediately started flirting with Cathy. He didn't even notice me. I didn't take it personally; I just figured he was into Cathy even though Cathy was obviously not interested in Bobby. A week later, Bobby came over to work on the motorcycle because he was interested in buying it. Cathy and our other roommate had to go to work, so I offered to drive Bobby home after he finished working on the bike. He was very quiet towards me while working on the bike. After he finished, we began talking and he asked how long I'd been dating my roommate. I laughed, and explained that my roommate and I are NOT an item. He instantly became more interested in me, and he and I really hit it off. He asked me how Cathy would feel if he and I hooked up, and I told him Cathy and I had already discussed it and she actually suggested he would be a good F-buddy. We hooked up and had amazing chemistry. I was so excited to tell my best friend Cathy about how successful her matchmaking was. When Cathy got home and I told her what had happened, she became furious! She said that she was really interested in Bobby, and had tried to sleep with him the night before but he turned her down. She immediately called him and told him to never speak to her again. She said she wasn't angry at me because she had told me it was OK, even though she was "just kidding" when she said that. I'm not stupid. Her tone was not at all joking when she suggested I hook up with him. After the whole fight between Bobby and Cathy, Bobby and I continued to talk behind Cathy's back. I felt stupid having to lie about who I was talking to on the phone. Cathy is not my mother or my husband, yet I had to hide that I was talking to a boy I liked. The more Bobby and I talked, the more I liked him. So, I told Cathy that I really liked him, but she said if I was really her friend I would not see him again. She told me he was not allowed in our home. A few nights later, I met him behind her back. I felt STUPID because I am a grown woman and I cannot have a boy in my own home that I pay for! I tried talking to Cathy again, and she said it was fine for me to sleep with him, as long as I do it when she's not home. Unfortunately, she and I usually work the same schedule, so she's always home when I am. She told me if he tried to date me, she would be angry. A few nights later, Cathy had some friends over. The longer the night went on, the angrier I got because she's only lived her a month and she's "allowed" to have whomever she wants over but I'm not. I began to feel a lot of resentment towards Cathy, because it was HER idea for me to hook up with him, and then I'm FORBIDDEN to see him. I got so angry that I went to see Bobby at his friend's house. Cathy texted and asked me where I was, and I told her. She got angry at me. She said I should have waited longer after getting her permission before seeing him. Bobby and I are catching feelings for each other. I've been trying to fight my attraction to him, but the chemistry is crazy between us. Also, I'm not willing to pass an opportunity to get to know someone I have such a strong connection with just because a controlling friend demands it. So I just do not know how to handle this situation. Obviously Cathy is not going to be happy unless I stop talking to him altogether. I am not willing to do that. He has indicated that he would like to have a relationship with me, and introduced me to his family. Cathy insists I am being disloyal, and Bobby thinks I am being a pushover for letting her control whom I can have in my own home. Any advice? Edited March 14, 2014 by FolderWife
newmoon Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 yikes, what a bit of a mess. i would be very careful with both Cathy and Bobby, ok? they had a pre-existing relationship/friendship/something before you and that is why the minute you saw them interact they were flirty - they have a past, even if it's just as friends. Cathy obviously liked Bobby, and perhaps still does, so you're not going to keep her as a friend as long as you continue dating Bobby. Her statement was probably meant more as a joke (to hook up with him) and she's probably shocked you did I would imagine. I would not classify her as a best friend just yet - you've known her a very short time and her true colors are only now coming out. What about your other roommate in all of this? Perhaps you two can make arrangements to go back to just being a twosome and ask Cathy to vacate? It'll end the friendship, but that doesn't seem like such a big thing to lose; she's not actually acting like a friend. You have every right to have company in your home, regardless of who it is, and she shouldn't be putting limits on you. But, the more she knows you're relenting (aka being a pushover) the more she will force you to make changes and alter how you live your life. I would re-evaluate how well you know Bobby as well, and what is going on there too; you said you wanted 'just fun' but if it was only a FWB thing you wouldn't be all excited to meet his family, in fact with FWB you should stay away from that type of stuff so your feelings won't deepen. I dunno - both he and Cathy don't sound like great people. 1
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