Not messing around causes problems in relationship, how do i get the spark back????

[ben3434]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 10 months. We are in high school and have classes together in which we sit next to each other. Lately we stopped messing around, we had sex about 4 months into the relationship and then she got off of birth control around 6 months. For the first six months everything was wonderful but then we started fighting more and she started thinking that i was mad at her for her not having sex anymore. Even though it was frustrating for everything to end so abruptly, I told her i had no problem with that. Now we do not do anything further than making out once or twice a week. I am not sure about what to do because we now argue alot and i am not sure whether i like her still or not. I feel like if i was to break up with her it would be a waste and that i would not be happy with myself. Part of the reason i do not want to break up with her is because i always keep on thinking that things will get better soon and that we will start messing around again and we will stop arguing. I would appreciate if someone could give me advice on hot to get that spark back in our relationship and maybe help me get our relationship back on the right track.

[kypepeo]

Messing around is what got you into this situation in the first place. You two clearly have a physical thing and that's all that seems to matter to you. Thing is she needs more.She needs to know that you love more than just the sex and you are too selfish to do that for her.She ends up feeling cheap and used and instead of telling her that you like her body AND her mind, your just thinking of getting into her pants.She's probably better off without you.If you are going to "mess around" with women,it's time you learn not to treat us as hoes but as human being with physical and emotional needs

[Spira]

Agreed.

[ben3434]

I did not write this messege for you to judge me, i asked for advice. And although you may not belive what im saying but I am not dating her just for play even though that's what it sounded like from my first post. I do tell her that she is smart, good looking, and i try to support her in everything she does. But whenever i do say things like that she has a stuck up attitude. Even wehn i say things that would benefit her, her attitude is negative and rejectful(if thats a word). I do admit that sometimes i start the little fights we have but i do it inorder to, maybe, get thigs to the way they were.

[fundamental]

Originally posted by ben3434

I did not write this messege for you to judge me, i asked for advice. And although you may not belive what im saying but I am not dating her just for play even though that's what it sounded like from my first post. I do tell her that she is smart, good looking, and i try to support her in everything she does. But whenever i do say things like that she has a stuck up attitude. Even wehn i say things that would benefit her, her attitude is negative and rejectful(if thats a word). I do admit that sometimes i start the little fights we have but i do it inorder to, maybe, get thigs to the way they were.

 

Haven't you realized that when you post on here, everything is fair game buddy--meaning you are going to get analyzed and judged.

 

ADVICE: You need to move on, because she deserves someone better. You put up with the fighting hoping that sooner or later you will start "messing" around again.

 

What if she doesn't want to have sex anymore?

 

Will you be more upset?

 

Will you think that she has wasted your time?

 

Actually, the fighting is making it worse. So, it's better to end it now because you really don't like her, you just liked the sex.

[Update #2]

The thing is that it does not really bother me that we dont have sex. It just bothers me that we dont get along that well anymore and we do not have the lust that once was there. Even though i said i was not sure if i liked her or not, I have stayed with her for awhile no matter what the circumstances, and im just confused.

 

 

I suppose I should have stated this before but the question I really have is ------ How I could change things so its is all lovey-dovey like it used to be, where we did not argue as much and when we hung out it was awsome cause we were so perfect together?

 

Should I .......

 

1) Give us some space - because it may be due to seeing each other too much

2) Try to be nice to her and suck it up when she gives attitude and steps all over me

3) Talk to her - even though i have tried it before and could not speak my mind, say what i mean

4) Talk to one of our friends and maybe they could find out

5) Act like she does to me and give her a little bit of her own medicine - which I do not think works, it just makes the situation worse

6) ????? Give me some ideas

 

My first post really made me sound like a sex freak that only looks for play - Im really not like that but first poset really did not represent what I was goin for.

[Stylin22]

Sounds like she isn't a very happy person...Sucks for you to go out of your way to compliment someone and they turn their nose up. Insecurity breeds control issues...good luck with this one pal...

[fundamental]

Well, you could give her and the relationship some space. It may or may not work. Maybe she is just not right for you anymore. That "Lovey Dovey" stuff doesn't last.

[ben3434]

Thanks a lot, if anyone has are any other suggestions, please post them, what would you guys do if you were in my situation.

 

 

Thanks again.

 

P.S. If you have any questions about anything please feel free to ask.

[kypepeo]

I'm surprised that you are still posting but it shows that you really want things to go well between you and this girl. I still think that the vibe you have given her is that you are more interested in sex than anything else. You have to undo this impression. don't try making out with her every chance you get. ask her out to regular stuff like bowling where the ambience doesn't say "let's make out" like a movie theater might. Talk to her about the weather etc, anything other than your relationship. Treat her as a friend and keep being supportive. She probably gives you attitude because she thinks that you don't really mean it. Sorry for making you think that I was being judgemental but I was just giving it to you straight

[Devildog]

Originally posted by Update #2

 

Should I .......

 

1) Give us some space - because it may be due to seeing each other too much

2) Try to be nice to her and suck it up when she gives attitude and steps all over me

3) Talk to her - even though i have tried it before and could not speak my mind, say what i mean

4) Talk to one of our friends and maybe they could find out

5) Act like she does to me and give her a little bit of her own medicine - which I do not think works, it just makes the situation worse

6) ????? Give me some ideas

 

1) I get the impression you are in High School. The space thing is for more serious grown up relationships. No offense, but very few High School sweethearts get married.

2) Sure, being a doormat always turns a woman on. Option 2 = Eunuch

3) Write down what you want to say, rehearse it over and over again. Probably your best option listed.

4) Based on my response to option 1 I will overlook the High School "Ask her if she likes me?" idea.

5) So she can dish it out but not take it? Fear of option 5 = Castrati

6) If you really feel that pursuing this is a good idea, then cut out all physical interaction beyond kissing. No groping, no petting, no getting to 2nd base, no whatever the kids are calling it these days. Show her it's not about the sex, but don't tell her this. She will either believe you are interested in more than her accomadating orifices, or she will start to think you don't find her as attractive anymore. In the latter case, she will initiate more intimate contact. When she does, push her hands away. This will really drive her mad. A few get togethers like that, and she will be jumping you most likely.

[ben3434]

Thank you devildog, I am experimenting on the cutting "out all physical interaction beyond kissing. No groping, no petting, no getting to 2nd base". I am very surprised how this is working, she seems to wanna touch, kiss, and ect. more. She seems happier and not as irritable. Also we do not get into as many arguments, its only day 2 so.... But thanks a lot if any one else has any other suggestions please post them.

 

P.S. How does that work? Do women think they are not attractive when guys give them less attention????

[Truth Hammer]

Why did she get off of birth control? It sounds like to me that she wanted to see if she could stop doing things for you and have you wrapped around her finger. Sounds like she got her answer.

 

Obviously, you care for her to some degree, but you're the most important person there. I suggest you break it off now before she digs her claws into you any further.

 

Messing around is what got you into this situation in the first place. You two clearly have a physical thing and that's all that seems to matter to you. Thing is she needs more.She needs to know that you love more than just the sex and you are too selfish to do that for her.She ends up feeling cheap and used and instead of telling her that you like her body AND her mind, your just thinking of getting into her pants.She's probably better off without you.If you are going to "mess around" with women,it's time you learn not to treat us as hoes but as human being with physical and emotional needs

 

If he loved her only for the sex, then why did he stay with her past the 6 month point when she cut it off? Unlike you think, that shows that he probably DOES care for her in some degree. You act like all he tells her is that "I love your body, let's go!"

 

Besides, what about HIS needs? How come she just cuts off the supply and he's just supposed to be happy with that? That's just stupid.

[SoleMate]

Women tend to need:

 

1. Affection (NON-sexual)

2. Conversation

3. Honesty and opennness (tell her your feelings, what you're thinking)

4. Admiration

 

Do a great job of meeting her needs in these areas, and you will become IRRESISTIBLE. Keep it up for several weeks, and I am sure she will feel much closer to you physically and more desirous of intimacy.

[Truth Hammer]

Women tend to need:

 

1. Affection (NON-sexual)

2. Conversation

3. Honesty and opennness (tell her your feelings, what you're thinking)

4. Admiration

 

Do a great job of meeting her needs in these areas, and you will become IRRESISTIBLE. Keep it up for several weeks, and I am sure she will feel much closer to you physically and more desirous of intimacy.

 

1. Affection (NON-sexual)

Translation: You must do everything in your natural and supernatural power to make her happy.

 

2. Conversation

Translation: You must sit there and listen to her for hours on end, if need be.

 

3. Honesty and Openness

Translation: You must always be honest with her, but she's entitled to her little secrets. Telling a woman your secrets is THE WORST mistake you can do.

 

4. Admiration

Translation: You must shower her with attention 24/7.

 

If you do all these and more, then you will still be where you are today, although more worn out.

[kanga]

That's right, Truth, you really have us figured out.

[ben3434]

Originally posted by Devildog

 

6) If you really feel that pursuing this is a good idea, then cut out all physical interaction beyond kissing. No groping, no petting, no getting to 2nd base, no whatever the kids are calling it these days. Show her it's not about the sex, but don't tell her this. She will either believe you are interested in more than her accomadating orifices, or she will start to think you don't find her as attractive anymore. In the latter case, she will initiate more intimate contact. When she does, push her hands away. This will really drive her mad. A few get togethers like that, and she will be jumping you most likely.

 

 

Devildog is God! I dont know if there is any girl troublese that this option wont fix.

 

I honestly think you saved me so much frustration with our relationship, and the relationship itself.

 

Take his advice, you !!!![[{{{ WILL SEE RESULTS IN LESS THEN 3 DAYS }}}]]!!!!

[Stylin22]

This dude must have been "annointed" the man over night....props fella