anemptycup Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 3 year relationship ended 2 months ago - been on 1 month NC - she was my first long term relationship. Is it normal that, i am associating having fun, with her? Before i met her, i'd be at home, working all day, gym, dinner, movie - not really so active - she came into my life and took me out of my cave - we did so much, traveled together, tried so many restaurants - we went out a lot - i did allteh fun things i always wanted to do with my love with her... and now, i feel i can't do anything fun, because i'll think of her - and why she's not with me... i feel like crying at the thought of doing anything fun without her - i feel it's just not right... it's making it hard for me to get out and do things aside from Gym, Hiking and being around my family... which is my comfort zone... she always took me out of my comfort zone... has anyone else felt this way? is it just a matter of time, and NC? i feel like, i have accepted it's over (it took me a month of denial and shock) now, i just have some lingering issues letting go of the Hope she MIGHT come back or contact me... and i'm having difficulty getting out there and having fun.
somecamel Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 3 year relationship ended 2 months ago - been on 1 month NC - she was my first long term relationship. Is it normal that, i am associating having fun, with her? Before i met her, i'd be at home, working all day, gym, dinner, movie - not really so active - she came into my life and took me out of my cave - we did so much, traveled together, tried so many restaurants - we went out a lot - i did allteh fun things i always wanted to do with my love with her... and now, i feel i can't do anything fun, because i'll think of her - and why she's not with me... i feel like crying at the thought of doing anything fun without her - i feel it's just not right... it's making it hard for me to get out and do things aside from Gym, Hiking and being around my family... which is my comfort zone... she always took me out of my comfort zone... has anyone else felt this way? is it just a matter of time, and NC? i feel like, i have accepted it's over (it took me a month of denial and shock) now, i just have some lingering issues letting go of the Hope she MIGHT come back or contact me... and i'm having difficulty getting out there and having fun. If you learnt anything from your relationship it should be this, she took you out of your cave and showed you how to have fun, that doesn't mean you can't have fun without her, there's 3.5 billion more women where she came from. Please don't let yourself spiral further down, make a stand and start looking after yourself. I lost 2.5 stone, became a lot more active and really took a good look at my life. I can say in hindsight that I suppose I wasn't happy and needed this to jolt me into some kind of awakening, use the experience to make yourself into a better man:) 1
Author anemptycup Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 I'm working on it - thing is... i was in the greatest shape of my life just before we broke up - incredible diet - 100% organic, training very hard at a competitive level - she was a big reason for it - she was like a driver for me - and i wanted to be a better man when i was with her - now, i feel it's pointless... i know it's wrong to think that way... but i just feel like, what's the point. I feel like i was so great, physically at least... but, i think the growth i can focus on now is psychological, and spiritual... those were areas i was lacking in - and i'm trying now, with meditating, seeing a therapist... working on positive affirmations... it just sucks, because i was in the best place i've ever been in life - and now i feel like... that was as good as it will ever get for me... it's been 2 months of break-up.. so maybe it's still too soon... just working on it day by day... sucks that i didn't appreciate what i had and pushed her away like i did. really sucks.
EuTuBrute Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Hey man chin up...I was (and sort of still in) your position. When me and my ex gf broke up, i hated the weekends and going out. Me and my ex would have so much fun doing those things, and being alone doing those things sucked. Going to places where me and my ex used to go made my heart heavy. Do i miss my ex, yeah but you got to "try" to find other things that make you happy.
Author anemptycup Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 thanks EuTuBrute, how long ago did you break-up?
Hoosfoos Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I can identify very strongly with this post. My exgf is a very active person. She got me back on skis, we biked together, went on incredible hikes, and I was able to supplement my own life by going to the gym and diving straight into my schoolwork and hobbies. It was as if she was the catalyst that finally got me to realize my full potential. We had so much fun together. Sadly I thought it was going to last forever. Things were never perfect and she was never into the relationship 100%. We started having difficulties, fights, and she dumped me almost 4 months ago. I haven't recovered at all. All those things we used to do (and I did alone), I do none of them. It is truly pathetic. Im just too sad to do the things alone that we used tot do together. I feel so cheated and that they've all been taken away from me. Rationally they have not, I can do these things anytime I want. But it's not the same anymore. Absolutely heartbroken.
EuTuBrute Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Broke up about 10 months ago, was 2.5 year relationship. Do i still miss her, yeah... but i have learned to have fun on my own now. It really isn't that bad
Author anemptycup Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Hoosfoos i feel you 100% - here's the thing we both need to do is - we just have to do those things - rather than avoiding them - it's like avoiding exercise - and the "thoughts of our ex" are like fast food - the more we avoid doing the things we should be enjoying (fun stuff we find hard to do alone), the more out of shape we'll get - sure it's going to be hard - but it's like pushups.. it'll be frikkin hard at the start... but consistency is the key - and i think we just need to push ourselves to do it... step by step - DON'T stay at home - go out.. be around people... the most important thing of all - is being AWARE of our own thoughts - and not thinking about missing our Ex... soon as we catch ourselves thinking how beautiful, or awesome or fun they were - immediately try to work those thoughts OFF by "Visualizing" yourself being happy without them... it's like a hole we're digging for ourselves each time our mind wanders off and we start missing our Ex... when that happens - fill the hole up again by thinking how AWESOME we are... and how much more awesome our life is going to be now we are free of that relationship. In essence - we need to CONDITION our minds (brainwash ourselves) with a different way of thinking... It's a biological/physical process of creating positive neuropathways - rather than re-enforcing the negative ones that will only keep us down. GOOD LUCK - this **** aint easy at all.. but it's like getting back in shape working out... Pushups, every day - and no fast food (i.e thoughts of missing the ex!) much love and peace
Author anemptycup Posted March 14, 2014 Author Posted March 14, 2014 Hey SadSadie, Sounds like we were both in very similar relationships - my GF with ADHD, was the life of the party - truth is she has/had no real friends - just a lot of Acquaintances - she needed people to be energized - and as you said - she was also always in the present moment - which was great - but, it's a symptom of scattered mind, lack of being able to focus - and those things are essential for a healthy relationship i feel - my EX crashed her car twice in 3 years - couldn't keep a job - constantly needed to be out and about with people... and doing "things" - i don;t know about you - but all these things made me insecure - i felt like i was never enough for her - and she never broke up with me once - it was always me breaking up - but to be honest, i felt she was driving me to it by ot making enough of an effort - i later learned with ADHD, it's not that they aren't making the effort - they just really are unaware of there being any problems... to be with an ADHD person - you have to accept and be very patient... In the end - i didnt like being a parent figure and being so insecure - which is what caused me to push her away probably - i miss her so much - but, hey, we gotta move forward - we just have to - i've not contacted her for a month - and plan not to - she can always get in touch with me if she wants to - and if it happens - we'll see... but - we can't wait for that **** - we have to go make ourselves happy. it's not easy at all - just gotta TRY - every day - really TRY.
Breadimus Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Hey Guys, Some really awesome discussion going on here. I would just like to add my two bobs worth. We sit and say that we did all these fun things with this person and they made us so happy and we can't believe how much fun they were, but you have to remember at the time you met, were together and were going strong you were just as inspiring to them as a person as they were to you. Life and personalities sometimes just get in the way of us seeing this and arresting the slide and sharing with our SO the joy of being together. There is always a slow descend into a BU and you have to pinpoint your actions and how they triggered this slide. If you can pin point them you can understand what went wrong, evaluate if you would want to be together with you during this time and set up foundations to properly learn from them. Once you do that you can get back to that person who your ex fell in love with and not out with. You will feel more liberated and will start to again place greater emphasis on you. It is hard believe me, I struggle every day but that is my goal. Not to get over her, or move on with my life but to rediscover who I am. All the best to every one.
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