gtiboy Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) Hi all, I have a very confusing situation. I have been with this girl for a year, seemingly perfect relationship, never argued and always got on well. She would always tell me she loved me, misses me when I wasn't around, say's she would be devastated if I ever left her, and always said she felt lucky to have me. She is 26 and I am 31. A couple of weeks ago my girlfriend suffered a nervous breakdown due to being very stressed at work, not being able to get a new job due failed interviews, basically it was centred around work issues. Showing all the signs and symptoms.. breaking down instantly crying when meeting up with people. Feels down, feels worthless, doesn't feel like doing anything, loss of interest doing things she loved, loss of appetite and having the feeling of anxiety. While she went home to recover for a couple days, there began a two week period where although she rejoined work and started to hang out with people again, she became more distant with me didn't text me much at all, very quiet. She told me did it to everyone not just me. As the two weeks rolled by I asked her three times "Have I done something wrong, are you not interested in me"? she replied no its nothing to do with me and don't worry." The confusing part is that when we finally met up 2 weeks after she suffered the nervous breakdown, she told me she was unhappy with me and began to list things that quite frankly were very trivial and would not constitute a reason to breakup. She told me to promise her 1 week of space and time to think about things. I said it's over isnt it, she said no its not over but needs space and time to think. That same night after the talk she deleted our relationship status on Facebook and changed her profile picture of me and her together to just her - couldn't understand the reason for this if she said it wasn't over. The next day she text me back after I had sent texts the night before trying to explain some of the issues away saying "I really don't know hun", please give me time and space to think about things" So I have given her one week of space I decided to text her something light hearted saying "Hope your ok if you need to talk about anything im here for you", she replied back saying "Thanks you hope you ok". Point is I am at a loss what to do next? I know that when people suffer anxiety that act differently and over analyse everything. Has anyone been in a situation similar to this? Edited March 13, 2014 by gtiboy
lvroflife Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 You do absolutely nothing!! You go about your business...give her exactly what she wants, her space..
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I've been her . . . to some extent. She's depressed & feeling worthless. She thinks she's sparing you from being with her because she's unworthy. You can't fix her or this mindset; she needs professional help & time. What she doesn't understand is that even though she's the one initiating it, the end of your relationship will make her more depressed & increase her feelings of worthlessness. Take one stab at keeping this together. Tell her you care about her & want to go through this stressful time in her life as part of her support system. Apologize for 1-2 of the trivial things & see if she is willing to let you stand by her. If not, you have to let her go.
Kevin_D Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Okay, let me guess... 1. She falls in love with another guy 2. She feels really guilty about her feelings and gets confused and depressed. Should she surpress her emotions and stay with you, or should she break your heart and fulfill her fantasy? She feels terrible about this, so she lies. 3. She decides to go for the new guy, but not until she's really sure that he wants her. So she changes her profile picture and removes the relationship status. And of course, she will let the other guy know that she's currently single. 4. If the other guy starts to hit on her, game over. She will leave you for him. If he doesn't, she will probably come back - for a while. I might sound like a jerk, but I'm 99% convinced that there's another guy in the picture.
somegoodman Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Okay, let me guess... 1. She falls in love with another guy 2. She feels really guilty about her feelings and gets confused and depressed. Should she surpress her emotions and stay with you, or should she break your heart and fulfill her fantasy? She feels terrible about this, so she lies. 3. She decides to go for the new guy, but not until she's really sure that he wants her. So she changes her profile picture and removes the relationship status. And of course, she will let the other guy know that she's currently single. 4. If the other guy starts to hit on her, game over. She will leave you for him. If he doesn't, she will probably come back - for a while. I might sound like a jerk, but I'm 99% convinced that there's another guy in the picture. Yeah this. gtiboy, my ex-girlfriend recently had an abortion with me and started behaving just like yours, claiming depression. But when I think about it objectively, it doesn't make sense. When a woman is depressed and feeling awful, she would want nothing more than to be with the man she loves. And since that man isn't you or I anymore, it means she found someone else. It is literally ALWAYS the way it goes with women, no matter what they say, the catalyst for the break up was when she met another guy and chose him over you. Is it fair? Of course not. But don't lash out at her. What you do is just go ghost. Completely remove yourself from her life, and when she comes to you for "support", you answer her with stone cold radio silence so that she knows she means nothing to you anymore.
Mr.Pine Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Ok, I'm going to be quite harsh and to the point. I have to be. It's the only way it's going to sink in. I learned more from the LoveShackers here who were up front and real. Read your what you wrote and my comments. You will not like 90% of what I wrote, but that's ok. You're still in the grieving stage. As the two weeks rolled by I asked her three times "Have I done something wrong, are you not interested in me"? she replied no its nothing to do with me and don't worry." First mistake. Displaying über beta-behaviour. Major turn-off. Especially from someone who is trying to get over an earth-shattering anxiety attack. She needs to know you're stronger and more secure. You sound hella insecure. You are no longer her rock. You've become papier mâché... She told me to promise her 1 week of space and time to think about things. I said it's over isnt it, she said no its not over but needs space and time to think. In my experience, anytime a woman needs space, she needs to excuse herself from the relationship and you. The fact she asked you to "promise" her some space is pretty much a death knell. She feels you are clingy and weak. Not looking good. At all. That same night after the talk she deleted our relationship status on Facebook and changed her profile picture of me and her together to just her - couldn't understand the reason for this if she said it wasn't over. Brother. It's over. She said it wasn't because you've been displaying nothing but beta behaviour. She didn't want you getting all emo on her. She told you what you wanted to hear. The next day she text me back after I had sent texts the night before trying to explain some of the issues away saying "I really don't know hun", please give me time and space to think about things" You should have gone NC immediately after you "promised" to give her space. Texting the night before is super weak. NC, brother. All the way to the bank. And again, she had to ask you for time...and space. AND SPACE. You are smothering her. Point is I am at a loss what to do next? I know that when people suffer anxiety that act differently and over analyse everything. Brother, YOU are the anxious one. Nothing to analyse. It's over for her. The quicker you figure that out, the quicker you'll begin to heal. Go NC, don't look back and don't count on her contacting you for a very long while, or ever again. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings.
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