Do I have a hope of getting back together after dating for two months?

[changirl]

Hi, I recently initiated a break up with a guy I was dating (for about two months, but he pursued me a month before we started, and we were casual friends). Our first few dates were the best days I've ever had...and he felt the same. We were different, but had a lot to talk about, and there was instant chemistry. He even arranged to have a dinner date on his birthday but didn't want me to make a big deal out of it. We spent several nights together since. At one point, he just cupped my face in his hands and told me he's never felt this way with anyone before.

 

Over time, we grew distant. He has a very active social life and a good support system, whereas I don't. I didn't want to bother him, so I didn't text him as much. He would just text me good night. Thing is, he's a passive type of person who likes to be asked to do things first. I feel bad for having so many expectations, like he should get in touch with me first, etc. I was never 'crazy' or clingy. But one day at dinner, we weren't talking much, and I pointed this out. Thing is, I feel I should not have done this, because he proceeded to say we didn't have much in common.The next night, he texted an apology stating that he was sorry for not being the kind of boyfriend I wanted. So, after a week of barely having conversation, I texted him to meet up after saying I needed time to think. Long story short, I initiated the break up through this text convo, he ignored it, and he ignored the next two texts I sent him later that night. The next day, I said we should meet, and we did later that night. He seemed to have just accepted the break up and didn't seem bothered at all. I left feeling very heartbroken. I mean, does he really not care ?

 

He said that he felt we were only attracted to each other physically, and then he added that he really did like me...we just had problems with me having expectations and not having anything in common (he said that my hobbies, reading/writing were boring.) And he admitted to being indifferent, that he should have put more effort into the relationship. He also said we could still be friends, and I can text him, but not to have expectations. I tried to salvage the relationship by saying we had some really good times together, and he just...got this teary look in his eye, like he agreed but had not considered those good moments before. But he left it at that.

 

I was absolutely broken, and have been broken since. Just two weeks ago, we were talking about the future together. We even regretted not meeting each other sooner so we could maybe live together this semester (both in college.)

 

Last night and the night before, I caved in and sent him two texts, separately. One saying he would always have a special place in my heart, and the next one, that I wasn't handling things well and felt really sad. He didn't respond to either of these texts. Last night, I cried in a park for about an hour. I'm just wondering, after the time we spent together, does he really not care about me ?

 

I wish I could just go back and be more open and communicative. I hate that I was so rash in initiating the break up, rather than letting him have a voice. I feel that he has kept himself busy with friends, so he's forgotten just how amazing it was to be together.

 

So...I was planning to build myself up for a month, and then get in touch with him again, and only bring up positive things. I want to accept myself first, and be a better person, so that if I find out he's already moved on/keeps ignoring me, I can already be in a position to move on myself. Is this a good idea? Or will he more likely forget about me and move on to the next girl? Also, do you think he really does not care or is just putting on a front? I feel I am going to regret losing him.

 

Thank you so much for reading this.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

I cant offer much advice but I done the same thing 3 weeks ago because I felt he was acting as my bf but without the title, he asked for a couple of days to think about making it official and I dropped him (convinced he's back with his ex) and not heard from him since, its all I can think about at the moment.. so frustrating but I just cant bring myself to text him for fear of being ignored! x

[stillafool]

I think he cares about you but you two don't seem to have much in common. Your not having friends to hang out with can put too much pressure on him to be your everything. He on the other hand has friends, likes to socialize and has a great support system. I think you should make more friends, become more sociable and enjoy your youth. I can't say he will want you back but at least you will have friends. It's never a good idea to make a boyfriend your everything. It's always best to have your own friends and support system because when the bf leaves you will have people to support you. Never break up with someone to get a reaction because as you can see it doesn't pan out the way you want it to.

[changirl]

Thank you. HeartbrokenNewbie, I’m sorry to hear that happened with your bf. This kind of regret is terrible, isn’t it? And stillafool, thank you for the truth. I really regret not communicating with him more before suggesting we end things. And I am meeting up with some friends soon to hang out and talk.

 

But, is it a good idea to try sending him a text two weeks or a month from now? He did say I could text him, and he’s the type of guy who needs space to think. I just wish I had more time to learn more about him and do fun things together.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Maybe in a month, he might contact you by then.. u may even feel totally different in a month x I am on 3 weeks and actually the longer Im leaving it the less I know what to say even if I did contact him x

[changirl]

Heartbroken, I think enough time has passed for you to reach out to him...My plan would be to send a friendly text that plays on a good memory you two had. Like "I just ate lunch at this italian place, and it reminded me of you." Worst thing that would happen is that he doesn't respond, but at least that will make your heart feel more settled. But, I think you guys have dated longer than me and my ex. We dated for 2 months. I think you have a better chance of getting together.

 

...Should I just not get in touch with my ex and wait for him to get back to me? He's a really passive person, and maybe he would not consider texting me.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

It's so difficult to say especially if he is passive.. There definitely couldn't be anyone else in the picture with him could there? x

[changirl]

This is what scares me. I know he has a girl best friend, but he made it clear to me from the beginning so I wouldn't be jealous. Just waiting is killing me. Should I just ask him to meet up and tell me if there's another girl in the picture? So I can get over this a little better? Ugh I'm a mess.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Mine reassured me about his ex.. He played it brilliantly from the start... Mmm I'm 99% sure he's back with her! x

 

I don't think u should, no. The only thing u can do is wait it out & see how u feel in a month x

[changirl]

Okay. Thank you.