awman Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 So I'm hoping someone can guide me in the right direction on here. I recently went out with this girl I met online. We had mutual friends so it wasn't weird. We got along great. Went out to eat and then went out to the bars. I ended up staying the night at her place. We hooked up but didn't have sex. We continued to talk throughout the week. She ends up texting me and telling me how she is "trouble". She says she blocks people out and how I'm really nice and how she know she's going to eff things up like she always does. Obviously I took that as a red flag but continued to talk to her. She ends up inviting me to go up this past weekend. She lives about 30 mins away in a college town. This time we end up sleeping together. We had a great time. I had to leave early for work but I was working in the area. So I invited her to go out to dinner with me after work. She said she had plans but we should get together during the week for dinner. I didn't get the chance to reply but she texted me again a few hours later inviting me to stay the night again and saying how much she likes having me there. So I stayed the night again - this time we just hung around and watched TV, chatted, and then had sex again. I was able to stay a little longer that day but she had school so I left. We didn't talk on Monday but on Tuesday she text me asking if I had a minute to talk. I told her to call me. But she wrote out a text stating how she knows how I don't like mind games and she just wants to be upfront and that she doesn't think we should see each other anymore. I was literally dumbfounded and confused. So I called her, she answered and we talked. It went something along the lines of "I usually feel like I want to text somebody in the morning and plan things with them when I like them" and I said "You don't feel that way with me?" She said "No" - At that point I was like why did you have me sleep over the weekend then? There wasn't any real answers to that. It's now Thursday and I'm just feeling bummed and confused. I've never had a fling that had ended so fast when I actually felt like something was there. I really felt a connection with her. I want to reach out and be like is this you blocking me out like you said you would? But I know that that wouldn't be right. Any advice is appreciated.
Copelandsanity Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I'm curious, how are you in bed? I make it an absolute mission to make sure a girl cums hard when she's physically intimate with me, and I don't get that reaction. She will become more enthusiastic about being with me.
Author awman Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 I let her cum both times. It's the gentleman thing to do. The first time was weird only because her roommate walked in midcum for me. I didn't get to finish but she had already finished. But yeah it was a good time for her or so I thought.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Maybe she had commitment problems and prefers these types of flings. Maybe there's something about you that bugged her. Maybe she's seeing someone else. Lots of possibilities. But you knew better. That "I'm trouble" was a huge huge red flag. Right then was when you should have started to detach emotionally from the girl and prepare your exit strategy of: "Have good sex and then move on to someone who's stable" See! You're already halfway done! 1
Author awman Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 I know, I know. I get infatuated easily. The weird thing was when we talked on the phone she was like don't try to convince me differently. Like almost if I tried change her mind she would. I mean but I don't want a girl I have to convince to like me. Ha.
BlueIris Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 We never really know why someone doesn’t want to keep dating us. We only know what they tell us, but what they say isn’t necessarily the real reason, or they might not even know the real reason. Maybe they’re being completely honest. Maybe they’re sparing our feelings. It could be any number of reasons that we’ll never really know. Right now I’m waiting for a call back from a man that I don’t want to date any more and I’m not going to tell him why I don’t want to date him. I don’t want to make him feel any worse than everyone feels when someone breaks up with them, or make him mad, or criticize him or debate or argue. I’d rather take the “blame” if he wants something to blame. When my ex broke up with me, I didn’t ask why. He was done and it was up to me to look back with as clear an eye as possible to figure out why, and if there’s something I want to or should change about myself.
Author awman Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Thanks BlueIris. I understand. It's just so fresh that it's weird how it's already over. There were a lot of fresh emotions and feelings. I really do want to reach out to her but that's how I always feel after ending something. Like I said we kicked it off so well and she even stated how much she enjoys being with me. I have a feeling she might be confused or have something other going on. Sorry to hear about your situation. It's never something easy to do and I wish you the best. The thing is I would want to know why even if it did hurt more but you're a good person and kudos for that.
Mo_Do Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Run - it wont get any better, just worse with more time and emotion invested.
Phantom888 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 There is just no chemistry. Sometimes you don't know for sure until after the sex. It's nothing wrong with you. She is just not interested, or maybe she found someone she would rather sleep with. This is something no one can change. You can be perfectly attractive but still have no chemistry. 1
StanMusial Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 If a girl tells me she is shady and shifty I believe her 100% of the time.
Author awman Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 I hear both of you. Thing is (I don't mean to argue it because you probably are 100 percent right) I felt like there was chemistry there or I wouldn't have slept with her obviously and not just a physical one. We really got along - very similar personalities. I mean she invited me over a 2nd time. The fact that she contacted me only a day after we slept together the 2nd time just weirds me out - makes it seem like she doesn't know what she wants. Either way it's probably best to stay away. I just haven't been with someone in a couple years and it was something to look forward to. Thanks for the advice.
Author awman Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Haha Stanmusial - I should've listened! Lesson learned.
Mo_Do Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I hear both of you. Thing is (I don't mean to argue it because you probably are 100 percent right) I felt like there was chemistry there or I wouldn't have slept with her obviously and not just a physical one. We really got along - very similar personalities. I mean she invited me over a 2nd time. The fact that she contacted me only a day after we slept together the 2nd time just weirds me out - makes it seem like she doesn't know what she wants. Either way it's probably best to stay away. I just haven't been with someone in a couple years and it was something to look forward to. Thanks for the advice. Bro, she has issues - get the he11 outta dodge and count your blessings that you are going through this now and not 6 years from now with a mortgage and a kid. MOVE ON! DONT COMMUNICATE WITH HER.
Author awman Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Haha okay! Thank you - that's what I needed.
deathandtaxes Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Enjoy the memories. Don't fret. Flings can be fun. If you take them to be what they are at face value - just a fling. I've had a few like this. Enjoyed every single one. I ended some. They ended some. And I move on. 1
BlueIris Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 awman, reach out to you. When its fresh, give yourself lots of love and acceptance for just plain hurting. Like hitting a two-inch-thick sliding glass door you didn’t even see. Redirect every shred of goodness that you’d extended to her or to your hopes for the relationship to yourself. As to not wanting to know why, there's some self-preservation in that.
Author awman Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Thanks BlueIris. It's easier said than done but I agree. Just gotta focus on myself. You're right about the self-preservation. Time to get my sh-t together. Is it too dramatic to remove her from social media? I just feel like I'll find myself wondering what she's doing.
ktya Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 We continued to talk throughout the week. She ends up texting me and telling me how she is "trouble". She says she blocks people out and how I'm really nice and how she know she's going to eff things up like she always does. Obviously I took that as a red flag but continued to talk to her. she texted me again a few hours later inviting me to stay the night again and saying how much she likes having me there. So I stayed the night again - this time we just hung around and watched TV, chatted, and then had sex again. I met this Korean and it went largely the same. First date at her house, mind blowing sex, inviting me over a few more times (like 5 I think) she came to my house for dinner once. Then, texts just fell off the map and when I was trying to just talk or go shopping with her she blew up and said she just wasnt into me and all this stuff. Its called crazy. Some women, when they start to get close, freak out because they feel they are losing their sense of control, so they blow out and end things, sleep with another guy, or something. It is symptomatic of someone who is out of a bad relationship or who has been single for a long time and cant handle the emotions that go along with having sex with someone and bonding with them. Keep her number, maybe text her a hello how are you doing in a month, girls like this keep a long string of guys and if you are soft but persistent you will be the flavor of the month again when she has an itch to scratch.
BlueIris Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Well, for me, I knew I'd want to pine and keep looking at him. I knew it would just be masochistic. So I deleted him from everything AS I was licking my wounds. I’ve heard people say that’s immature, which might be true. But I had to do it or I, personally, would have wallowed even longer.
Author awman Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Ktya, man sorry to hear you experienced something similar. That's not cool at all. This girl had mentioned her ex a few times and said how her friend is now dating him which made it awkward. But she said she was through with him. I do have the feeling that it could all lead back to that. I like to say I have the emotions of a girl and I always end up with a girl who has emotions of a guy. Not sure I would even bother texting her then because I'm looking for a relationship not just a good time. Maybe my standards are too high but I don't think they are.
Author awman Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 BlueIris, I feel ya. It's the way of the world today unfortunately. I mean why would anyone want to put themselves through more after knowing you can't get what you want?! Good for you though - you have to look out for yourself. I appreciate your advice and wish you the best.
preraph Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Agree about if someone tells you they are no good --- believe them. All they are doing is clearing their conscience in advance because they know they're going to mistreat you. 1
Shaun-Dro Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 We never really know why someone doesn’t want to keep dating us. We only know what they tell us, but what they say isn’t necessarily the real reason, or they might not even know the real reason. Maybe they’re being completely honest. Maybe they’re sparing our feelings. It could be any number of reasons that we’ll never really know. Right now I’m waiting for a call back from a man that I don’t want to date any more and I’m not going to tell him why I don’t want to date him. I don’t want to make him feel any worse than everyone feels when someone breaks up with them, or make him mad, or criticize him or debate or argue. I’d rather take the “blame” if he wants something to blame. When my ex broke up with me, I didn’t ask why. He was done and it was up to me to look back with as clear an eye as possible to figure out why, and if there’s something I want to or should change about myself. I don't believe in changing oneself. I do, however, believe in improving on certain qualities about oneself in the quest to find the ideal partner.
TB Rhine Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 She either A) Doesn't think you're good provider/baby daddy material, or B) You don't seem like you've spent enough time in jail for her taste. You have to hit one of these two sweet spots with a woman - security, danger - and you've landed squarely in the middle: a nice, normal guy. Not gonna buy her Rolls Royces and diamond rings. Not gonna put her in the hospital either. Sorry dude... you're ***** out of luck.
Author awman Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 She either A) Doesn't think you're good provider/baby daddy material, or B) You don't seem like you've spent enough time in jail for her taste. You have to hit one of these two sweet spots with a woman - security, danger - and you've landed squarely in the middle: a nice, normal guy. Not gonna buy her Rolls Royces and diamond rings. Not gonna put her in the hospital either. Sorry dude... you're ***** out of luck. Man oh man. I'm going to steal a Rolls Royce tonight and will give it to her tomorrow. Maybe she'll like me then???
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