Js2493 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 First off, I just want to thank everybody on here. I've been a long time lurker but just recently started posting. Its been 2 weeks post BU and this site has helped me out tons. On to my story... After I got dumped, I was in disbelief. I spent the next couple of weeks trying to find the answers to all of the questions I had. The main reason we broke up was because of the amount of fights we had...The thing was, we fought over little things that could have easily been fixed through compromise. (ex: me wanting to spend more time with her, she kept canceling plans, putting a lot of other things before me, etc). The thing was, it ALWAYS seemed to end in the same way and that was her basically saying "It has to be this way and you need to learn to deal with it." But anyways, here's what I am confused about. Yesterday, I heard through some people that she's pinning the breakup on me and saying that I basically gave her no other option than to dump me. I texted her and basically said "It's hard enough on me already. I'd appreciate it if we could both be mature about this. It just didn't work out. No need to point fingers." We exchange a couple more texts before I asked her "Did you fall out of love with me long before this happened?" I understand this was probably a no-no, but I felt like it was something I needed to know. She said she wasn't sure and that sometimes she thought she loved me and other times she didnt. I asked why she wasn't honest with me in the first place and this is what I got and why I am confused... ...She basically said I turned into a completely different person, that we got into fights that were 90% of the time my fault, and that I wasn't good enough for her...This was a girl that 3 weeks ago had told me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and couldn't imagine having anyone else by her side. I couldn't believe that someone who I was (and confusingly still am) in love with and who was in love with me could say these type of things. Is this her way of coping/dealing with everything? I'm 21. She's 19, and this was both of ours first real relationship. I really have nothing else to compare this to so I'm sort of confused. Any input is appreciated!
Saurren Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Emotions flare and words gets thrown throughout relationships. Control your temper and or stubbornness. You dont have to win every single fight, maybe saying you;re sorry and that you were wrong can save everything. Even if you feel in the right, let go of your pride a little.
Chi townD Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 This is called rewriting the relationship history. She has to justify breaking up with you and therefore she tries to lay the demise of the relationship squarely on your shoulders so she wouldn't have to feel so guilty about her decision. Funny how she doesn't take ANY of the blame for the relationship ending. She had a hand in it's demise as well. But, she says it was all YOUR FAULT. Selfish behavior if you ask me. 1
a708 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) Don't take any notice of her BS with dumping everything on you. Its her protecting her ego and reputation. Shes telling her mates stuff like that so they're still her friends. Honest people would turn around to her and say "you're playing this guy so much. Either you're with him or you aren't.", So shes not going to say that. For some reason the dumper has to go the extra mile to make themselves look good. When really its her guilt, her problems, her insecurities. Simply say how you feel and leave it alone. Dont give her an ultimatum (youre with me or youre not), cos you will pressure her. Just say what your side is, and try to move on. If she comes back.. then fair enough. if she doesnt youre recovering already. Honestly, No Contact is the best thing for you. Get out of her space, leave her alone. Its the best thing to do. When people say the best thing to do is let go.. its kinda true.. its more leave it alone. Let whatever shes done go around in her head. let her come to terms that shes put you in this position and lost you. Obviously im not saying take this word for word.. what im saying is this might help you. Edited March 13, 2014 by a708
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