tom23 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 About 18 months ago I started talking to a girl on an OLD site. She had just starting dating another guy she had met on there, but we seemed to click straight away as friends, so we kept in touch and used to chat quite alot, as friends. After a few months, she stopped seeing the guy and we grew closer and closer. We started texting almost all day everyday, and spoke on the phone for at least an hour nearly everyday. It got to the point where I developed really strong feelings for her, despite never meeting. She told me the same too. She said that it was crazy but she felt that I was literally everything she wanted. So we finally met up and it was amazing. I went to her house for the day and we just watched DVDs and talked. It was like we had been together for years. It didn't go any further than kissing, but at one point she fell asleep cuddled up to me on the sofa, holding my hand and it was one of the best feelings I've ever had. Looking at her asleep on me made me feel so happy. She looked so beautiful and I couldn't believe I had found her. So when I came to leave we hugged and kissed for a few minutes and I made my way home (about an hours drive). When I was home, she text me saying how much she enjoyed meeting me and later phoned and said that if she could change her shift at work (she is a police officer) whether I'd like to go with her for a meal for her friend's birthday the following saturday (this was on a sunday) - obviously I said yes! So things that week went well. We were speaking just as much as before and all was good. But then on the thursday, something happened. To cut a long story short a few years ago she had a very bad break up with a long term boyfriend but whatever the reason was for the breakup (I suspect she was abused by him) she never told her parents the real reasons for it. She kept it bottled up and eventually learned to deal with it. But something happened that week that basically ended up with her parents finding out about it and it brought it all back to her. And that was it. For the next few weeks I could tell how down she was getting and she ended up moving back in with her parents. She told me that she couldn't handle being with anyone at that time, but we still kept on talking, although not quite as much. The daily phonecalls turned into weekly phonecalls and I felt things fading away - which made me feel awfull. It broke my heart knowing that she was down, but she wouldn't let me comfort her. I eventually saw her again 2 months since we first met. At her home (which is now her parents home), and then again a few weeks later. And things just carried on, and I just didn't know where things stood. Whether we were friends or if there was still something more still there. Then, September last year, I found out from her that she went on a date with a guy and it broke my heart. I broke down and told her everything I felt for her. She said that she had soo many feelings for me, but we had become such amazing friends that she couldn't handle risking losing me and that she didn't feel she could handle being in a relationship with someone. I was devastated. And so we didn't talk for about 3 weeks. Then, she text me to see how I had been and tells me that she has a new man! I told her I was happy for her and hoped he treated her well, but on the inside, I felt sick. And so she has been with him ever since then. It's now just under 6 months later and I feel worse about it than ever. We speak about once a month, if that, but only a few texts and then nothing for weeks. I haven't heard her voice for over 6 months :-( The whole thing has completely traumatised me and I don't know how to handle it. I feel hopelessly depressed all the time because I still have such strong feelings for her, I am massively jealous of her boyfriend, but worst of all, I miss her as a friend. even now, when we do occasionally speak, we will be texting all day chatting about everything, exactly how we used to. A couple of months ago, we went through a week where we literallly text all day everyday, it made me happy again. Then we didn't chat for nearly 2 months. Sometimes I want to just rip into her, tell her exactly how terrible she has made me feel and howI feel she lead me on, telling me all that stuff. I mean, 3 weeks after saying she couldn't handle a relationship... she is in one!? and telling me she didn't want to ruin our "amazing friendship" yet now hardly speaks to me. I feel pathetic knowing that all this is caused by someone I have met 3 times! I'm tortured by the whole thing. I lay in bed at night and I picture, with perfect detail, the image of her sleeping cuddle up to me holding my hand. I have dreams about her and when I wake up it leaves me in tears. I know its pathetic and I feel ashamed, but I am so hopelessly down about it all. I want her so much. Please someone help me? Thank you for reading
mangetout Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 You have got to go no contact immediately and start moving on. She only wants to be friends with you and nothing more. For your own sanity please accept this and move on. Staying in touch with her will only prolong the agony of not being with her
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