CadeYeager Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I’m going to upset some people who read this thread, but this is something I need to get off my chest. I hope this post can reach out to some people and help them take a step back and think about their relationship and hopefully cherish them better than I did mine. I haven’t been able to tell anyone this before, so here we go… I recently was dumped by my girlfriend of 2 years. I was and still am devastated by the whole event. I begged, cried, got angry, hated her, wanted her back, etc. It was too late. I tried to pull up excuses out of the bag telling myself “Yeah? Well she did this she did that, so it’s all her fault.” It was never her fault. She was the best thing that ever happened to be and I treated it like pure garbage. I look at myself in disgust because of the things I did in the relationship. I’m about to list EVERYTHING that I have done to hurt her. Some things she knows, some things she doesn’t. - About a year into the relationship I made out with another girl - I never made an effort to commute to her home to hang out so she would always shovel out money in gas to make a trip to mine. I constantly made excuses on why I couldn’t make the drive to her place. - Whenever we went out, she would always be the one to pay the tab. So upon that, I rarely if not ever said “thank you.” Too simple words of acknowledgment… I failed to say. - I would always talk to her in a belittling tone making myself sound above her, not on purpose but definitely evident. - I made excuses to not attend events that involved her family, she also went to a friends wedding on her own one time. I can’t believe I did that… - At one point I needed a new phone and she gave me $300 to get a new one. How much did I thank her? Not enough. - On our first New Years about an hour before midnight, a friend called me up to go out. My girlfriend said I could go and she went home. All she wanted was that kiss at midnight, but I was too caught up in what I wanted. - I never told her that I loved her as much as she said that she loved me. I loved her. I know some of you might be furious at this point after reading about the things that I’ve done, but I did love her. I was too caught up in myself, I was so absent minded to her feelings and actions, and I was cruel. I’m disgusted with myself. I really am. So please… lay it on me. I REALIZE what I did. The thing with my BU is that I didn’t open up my eyes until it was too late and she was out the door. She finally saw through the bull**** I was giving her, stood up and left. How did she put up with me for 2 whole years? I will never know. She fought and fought, and finally gave up… I don’t blame her. She deserves someone who will give her the love and appreciating she deserves. She showed me what true love was. She showed me the extent to what people would go through for one another. If I could talk to her again to tell her how truly sorry I was for treating her the way that I did, I would. No girl deserves that. It’s not fair by any means for me to be sitting here getting mad at her for ending things while knowing I’m the main cause. This BU has done something to me; it’s given me a hit of reality. So please if you guys take anything from this, please always appreciate your SO. If you really care about them, don’t do anything to hurt them like I did to mine. 1
JourneyLady Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Sorry to hear that. I wasn't very good in my marriage either, treating him bad... and had my wake up call when it ended as well. Some of it was mental illness (biological depression which makes people negative at times) and some of it was health problems, but I really don't have any excuses except that I was immature and didn't grow up until the marriage had ended. The list you gave sounds a bit like my ex -- except he would have a much LONGER list. At least you are repentant. I don't think he is or ever will be and it doesn't matter now anyhow. I loved him but good for five years and I daresay he will never be loved like that again (for as long, at least). Now that you know, you have the chance to go on and make a happy life with a good woman you will know how to appreciate. I'm looking forward to finding a good man myself. :-D 1
iDrumKing Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 We all make mistake. Some are more extensive than others, but mistakes nonetheless. The saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone" holds true in many cases such as yours. Take this experience and learn from it. 2
somecamel Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I’m going to upset some people who read this thread, but this is something I need to get off my chest. I hope this post can reach out to some people and help them take a step back and think about their relationship and hopefully cherish them better than I did mine. I haven’t been able to tell anyone this before, so here we go… I recently was dumped by my girlfriend of 2 years. I was and still am devastated by the whole event. I begged, cried, got angry, hated her, wanted her back, etc. It was too late. I tried to pull up excuses out of the bag telling myself “Yeah? Well she did this she did that, so it’s all her fault.” It was never her fault. She was the best thing that ever happened to be and I treated it like pure garbage. I look at myself in disgust because of the things I did in the relationship. I’m about to list EVERYTHING that I have done to hurt her. Some things she knows, some things she doesn’t. - About a year into the relationship I made out with another girl - I never made an effort to commute to her home to hang out so she would always shovel out money in gas to make a trip to mine. I constantly made excuses on why I couldn’t make the drive to her place. - Whenever we went out, she would always be the one to pay the tab. So upon that, I rarely if not ever said “thank you.” Too simple words of acknowledgment… I failed to say. - I would always talk to her in a belittling tone making myself sound above her, not on purpose but definitely evident. - I made excuses to not attend events that involved her family, she also went to a friends wedding on her own one time. I can’t believe I did that… - At one point I needed a new phone and she gave me $300 to get a new one. How much did I thank her? Not enough. - On our first New Years about an hour before midnight, a friend called me up to go out. My girlfriend said I could go and she went home. All she wanted was that kiss at midnight, but I was too caught up in what I wanted. - I never told her that I loved her as much as she said that she loved me. I loved her. I know some of you might be furious at this point after reading about the things that I’ve done, but I did love her. I was too caught up in myself, I was so absent minded to her feelings and actions, and I was cruel. I’m disgusted with myself. I really am. So please… lay it on me. I REALIZE what I did. The thing with my BU is that I didn’t open up my eyes until it was too late and she was out the door. She finally saw through the bull**** I was giving her, stood up and left. How did she put up with me for 2 whole years? I will never know. She fought and fought, and finally gave up… I don’t blame her. She deserves someone who will give her the love and appreciating she deserves. She showed me what true love was. She showed me the extent to what people would go through for one another. If I could talk to her again to tell her how truly sorry I was for treating her the way that I did, I would. No girl deserves that. It’s not fair by any means for me to be sitting here getting mad at her for ending things while knowing I’m the main cause. This BU has done something to me; it’s given me a hit of reality. So please if you guys take anything from this, please always appreciate your SO. If you really care about them, don’t do anything to hurt them like I did to mine. I think you're being too hard on yourself. As above everyone makes mistakes and the ones you've made although not great happen. The best you can take from this is to move on, be the best you can and when you meet the next one make sure you don't make the same mistakes. We're all only human so please don't beat yourself up over this. 3
Chi townD Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I'll also mirror what Somecamel Said, but let this be a reminder to you. You know where you went wrong. So, embrace it. Remember it. Chalk it up to lessons learned. Remember these lessons and apply them in your next relationship on what NOT to do. You had a girl that would have probably gone to the very gates of hell for you and you lost her. Those kinds of women are rare. Remember a lesson that my father taught me. When the right girl comes into your life, if you treat her with kindness, love and respect; then, you're going to get that back from her and A LOT more on top of that! Time to heal and move on. And to never forget. 3
Saurren Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 At least you are one of the few people who can see their own mistakes and try to better yourself. Don't beat yourself up because you will be a better lover, partner, and friend to someone in the future. 4
mangetout Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Yes your post really upset me. You lied, cheated and used her. You took advantage of her good nature. Shame on you. I know how your ex girlfriend feels and I am glad she left you. She deserves much muich better than you. I really hope you have learnt your lesson this time. Change your ways or you will do the same to your next victim
Author CadeYeager Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Yes your post really upset me. You lied, cheated and used her. You took advantage of her good nature. Shame on you. I know how your ex girlfriend feels and I am glad she left you. She deserves much muich better than you. I really hope you have learnt your lesson this time. Change your ways or you will do the same to your next victim Trust me I'm ashamed in myself.
Author CadeYeager Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 I expect more out of myself. I can BE that guy that cares deeply for his gf. I can... What sucks is I don't have a chance to make it up to her. If given the chance I could literally make a 180. But I know I don't deserve the chance. I simply don't. 1
Saurren Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I expect more out of myself. I can BE that guy that cares deeply for his gf. I can... What sucks is I don't have a chance to make it up to her. If given the chance I could literally make a 180. But I know I don't deserve the chance. I simply don't. Actions speaks louder than words my friend. Change your behavior for the better and maybe she will see.
Chi townD Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Dude, I'm not going to fill you up with false hope. I mean, you can only beat a dog but so many times before it bites you. The thing is, you had your chance and you blew it. The good thing about this is that you're man enough to admit you were wrong. Whether she gets curious to see if you changed your ways is up to her. But, I wouldn't get my hopes up. I think you burned her one too many times. I would strongly suggest you buy some self help books to help you understand why you did what you did and also to help you change your behaviors. Individual Counseling probably wouldn't be a bad idea either.
Author CadeYeager Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Dude, I'm not going to fill you up with false hope. I mean, you can only beat a dog but so many times before it bites you. The thing is, you had your chance and you blew it. The good thing about this is that you're man enough to admit you were wrong. Whether she gets curious to see if you changed your ways is up to her. But, I wouldn't get my hopes up. I think you burned her one too many times. I would strongly suggest you buy some self help books to help you understand why you did what you did and also to help you change your behaviors. Individual Counseling probably wouldn't be a bad idea either. No no man I'm not looking for her to get back together with me. She deserves A LOT better. I just needed to vent about what was on my mind because its been eating away at me.
ariesgirl-328 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Unlike everyone else's responses to this post, it actually makes me happy (: I was a terrible girlfriend to my ex as well. And through the breakup I learned from my immaturity and grew up and know I will be the best woman a man can hope to have by his side in my future relationship. I'm really, really glad you learned from your mistakes! I felt like I was reading my own post. Mistakes and experiences are meant to help us learn, and that's exactly what you did. Good for you. And like you, so far, I haven't gotten a second chance, maybe I don't deserve one, but life is amazing (: you never know what might come next. 2
oracle Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I wonder how much of this is through the skewed lenses of the dumpee? I think we all go thru the phase you just outlined in your post. While you do sound like you did partake in some pretty d-bag stuff, definitely worth kicking your ass to the curb for.. it probably isn't the truest representation of reality. It also sounds like you are perhaps still kneeling at the altar of your exulted ex. Learn and alter behaviour if you can, that's the best you can hope for at the point 1
Author CadeYeager Posted March 14, 2014 Author Posted March 14, 2014 Learn and alter behaviour if you can, that's the best you can hope for at the point I've learned a lot from this BU. It will be a while before I can step into another relationship though. I really want to engrave this experience into my head so I don't make the same mistake twice. 1
mangetout Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Please use this space to do so because you deserve to be proud of yourself instead of feeling crap about yourself.. Make yourself proud and treat others the way you would like to be treated.
Sugarkane Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I've been in your exes shoes before. I bet if you were the dumper and dumped her for not being assertive enough, you wouldn't care at all. Like my exes who never apologize and never seem to regret it. I wonder how much of this is through the skewed lenses of the dumpee? I think we all go thru the phase you just outlined in your post. While you do sound like you did partake in some pretty d-bag stuff, definitely worth kicking your ass to the curb for.. it probably isn't the truest representation of reality. It also sounds like you are perhaps still kneeling at the altar of your exulted ex. Learn and alter behaviour if you can, that's the best you can hope for at the point
Author CadeYeager Posted March 15, 2014 Author Posted March 15, 2014 I've been in your exes shoes before. I bet if you were the dumper and dumped her for not being assertive enough, you wouldn't care at all. Like my exes who never apologize and never seem to regret it. So you think I don't really care?
Sugarkane Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 So you think I don't really care? Not at all. I'm saying if you dumped her for not being assertive enough and being a push over, you wouldn't care. I agree with Oracle, you feel like this because you're the dumpee.
sidney2718 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 No no man I'm not looking for her to get back together with me. She deserves A LOT better. I just needed to vent about what was on my mind because its been eating away at me. Fix those things that are wrong. Print the list out and hang it on your wall. If you fix them you MAY get another chance, but the odds are against it. But what you will gain is the ability to hold on to the next one that comes along!
oracle Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 .. It will be a while before I can step into another relationship though. I really want to engrave this experience into my head so I don't make the same mistake twice. Some of the wisest words I have seen on here yet. 2
sooshi Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I'm glad you're using this as a learning experience and that you're determined to take time before you enter into another relationship. It's a great step that you're taking, to get this engrained in you so that you will treat your next partner with the care and respect you'd want for yourself. 1
Author CadeYeager Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 I'm glad you're using this as a learning experience and that you're determined to take time before you enter into another relationship. It's a great step that you're taking, to get this engrained in you so that you will treat your next partner with the care and respect you'd want for yourself. Trust me, I WANT to learn from this. I put myself in her shoes and I would be sickened to be in a relationship like that.
Sandy99 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I think the main question you have to ask yourself is why you treated your ex girlfriend so poorly. You can write on here that you are sorry and you shouldn't have done it, but until you really understand what would move you to treat another person so disrespectfully, you'll likely do it again. You have to understand the motivations for your behavior to put a stop to it. Do you generally respect women? Do you think you are above them? Why did it take your girlfriend dumping you to realize you shouldn't cheat, expect them to pay for everything and that it was okay to constantly belittle her? What's going on with you? That's what you should be asking yourself. Frankly I applaud your ex girlfriend for dumping you if what you are saying is true here. It sounds like you are really trying to improve, but regrets won't do much. You have to figure out the root of your problems. 1
Author CadeYeager Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 I think the main question you have to ask yourself is why you treated your ex girlfriend so poorly. You can write on here that you are sorry and you shouldn't have done it, but until you really understand what would move you to treat another person so disrespectfully, you'll likely do it again. You have to understand the motivations for your behavior to put a stop to it. Do you generally respect women? Do you think you are above them? Why did it take your girlfriend dumping you to realize you shouldn't cheat, expect them to pay for everything and that it was okay to constantly belittle her? What's going on with you? That's what you should be asking yourself. Frankly I applaud your ex girlfriend for dumping you if what you are saying is true here. It sounds like you are really trying to improve, but regrets won't do much. You have to figure out the root of your problems. I totally understand where you're coming from. Actions do speak louder than words, but I have to grasp the problem at hand. I've had a lot of nights alone to think to myself and think back at why I did this and why I did that. Simple answer? I was being EXTREMELY selfish. I understood that I would hurt her but didn't care enough to stop my actions. I didn't think I was above her for she was a better person than I. I agree. I respect her for walking away from me. She would is a special person who deserves to be with someone who will treat her with the utmost respect.
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