a_gud_mistress Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) I moved to a new town and after getting a job and getting my family situated, I started going out on dates and nothing was right. I began meeting new people and making new "friendships". I have heard alot about this man around town who seems to do it all and is loved by everyone. I have heard how he is such a good guy and is always treated horrible by his wife. I have heard she is one of the fastest girls in town literally and how she is not even a good mother. according to other parents. I have heard she takes pills and cannot hold a job. Well this man has supported her and has always just provided. She is a looker no lie, she has beauty but when someones ugly on the inside; there is no hiding it. Anyway, her daughter ended up with a disease that made her hair fall out and she was calling her names like, ugly, and saying things like you cant be my kid...just cruel and mean things. I was not told all these things by just one person or just one conversation either. I was always just around when others were discussing all this. Well I ended up meeting this man and it was awkward because I knew all this stuff about his personal life and he didn't know I knew anything. He would yell and scream at his wife on the phone, it was just a crazy mess. I stayed his friend throughout the months and we ended up having so many of the same views and outlooks on life. We have kids all of the same age and we are eight years apart. His family absolutely loves me and wants me to be his "home-wrecker". He is with me everyday and this man says he loves me. We have now been together for about a year and have discussed this one time. He has told me that he has stayed so long because he feels bad that they still have a three year old now two at the time that he didn't want to split that up for the kids, but that she goes out and lives her life and he cannot stand how she treats his kiddos or himself. Shes mean and she is abusive. His family has not seen him or spent a holiday with this man in years and because of her his kids do not even know their grandmother and that woman is an angel and loves the kids to death. Since I have been around his family has been around more. I know the importance of that kind of thing and I am friends with all his brothers and his mother and her husband and family. Everyone says we are perfect for each other and he says he wishes he would of met me years ago because our lives would be set already. He says I give him strength and before me he used to think about life as if it was him against the world. He was taking pain pills and doing drugs on and off not that I am for or against anything, hey people are going to do what they do and who am I to judge? but he has alot to do and living the way he was, was unsafe and I have rules and boundaries and he has really transformed since we have just became friends. A few months ago we began sleeping together and I love making love to this man. He stays with me at night almost every night. We have bought stuff together vehicles and invested in a business together and he has been in it with me all the way. He promises even when times get tough that he is going to be here and support my kids and myself. He wants to be in my life for the rest of my days. He has asked me to ride with him till the kids are big enough to understand. I think the time is coming to where his wifes behaviors are effecting the kids and he is becoming concerned. He asks for my advice when it comes to parenting and helping with his kids. Our babies play together and they get along great. I have raised my kids by my self for a long time and I have not asked for help or the support of a man. My kids father left because that was his choice. I never wanted to force his hand I never kept them from him He made his choice and my kids have turned out to be awesomely great, sweet, caring and respectful. They are grateful and honest, I am a really blessed woman. He like that I am a good mother. I work hard, and I respect myself as well as others. I am caring and respectful and the simple things in life are what we cherish most. My question is, as much time as we spend together and he spends with my family, and us with our business, and with everyone in town knowing we are basically together but everyone wishing, hoping, and condoning, us together, saying we bring out the best in each other, does any get the feeling that we might just work out or does this sound like the fairytale mistress situation? I sometimes feel embarrassed and I do not want to "that girl" because not everyone can like me and she says he will never leave her no matter what she does, makes me sick. I do love this man, so much and those kids...make my kids happier and brighten up my life even more. I would not mind taking on 3 more I have 3 so thats great. I just have thoughts of guilt but she is so mean to everyone, it kinda makes it hard to not love them, when they deserve it and hes such an amazing man, its crazy. Do I wait? Edited March 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added paragraphs, use them please
krazikat Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Hmmm...who else do you hear these things from? It absolutely.could all be true...she could be a crazy bitch for sure...but you also mentioned that you heard him yelling at her...What was he yelling about?
Author a_gud_mistress Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) She is always calling him when she gets messed up (which is more often than not) and he does not like to talk her, he says he can't understand her first of all and she's got the nerve to yell and scream at him and tell him how big of a piece of **** he is, how he is such a "piss poor father" when I know for a fact this man runs all day making money and not bull****ting because I am with him. We opened a repo business together and besides that he has side jobs and community efforts, he cooks and cleans, does laundry and takes his kids to school. Yes, HE DOES IT ALL! she refuses to wash dishes because her nails might get messed up. I wish I could say I was over exaggerating and not know what was really going on but, I do, and we talk about it, he asks me for advice and the people telling all this stuff about him being a better person since I have been apart of his life is everyone from his mom, and all his brothers. His father who lives in another county and who I actually talk to. His aunts and friends of his that he grew up with. People from around the way that have previously done business with him and grown up around him. I feel like my life is a movie with the way everything seems so perfect. I love him and I want to make his life easier. He is one man who does the work of seven, and does not ever complain, not even when hes sick. I work but yet he supports his household and mine, not because he has to but because he says he has accepted the responsibility of being with me and taking care of us. I sometimes freak out because I have never had a man actually meet me half way and want to but he takes it further by staying strong especially in times of duress. Edited March 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added paragraphs, use them please
jwi71 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I'd back off - but I know you won't. There is no way to predict the future - no one truly knows what the morrow will bring. Maybe he leaves, maybe he doesn't. The why doesn't matter. Due to the sheer dysfunction and drama involved - I would seek distance if only for your kid's sake. Not to mention the sheer emotional toll you will face - are already facing. You truly have no control over this. The outcome is not yours to decide. So...take a step back and let them sort this out. (and, really, his family encourages an A - hello red flag!) 5
Author a_gud_mistress Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) his family and whatnot wants us to be together but no one can say for-sure what is actually going on between us two. Well they didn't until a month or so ago. He has come to where he does not care if people see us together, holding hands, having dinner, working or hanging out, me on the other hand I do not want their marriage to end because of me. I do not want to be the reason. If it happens I want that decision to be all his, or hers. whichever but I remain on the edge still and I understand I am putting myself in a vulnerable position but I have already invested with this man as business partners and friends and there is no turning back but I do not want to carry on with an affair. I know I am in the wrong! I feel horrible just knowing factually that he is married but I do it anyway. My kids adore him they still do not know that we have any relations besides being friends and business partners and I want to keep it that way but he loves them so much. He treats my kids as if they were his own. I just feel like it seems to good to be true but he does stuff everyday that reassures me...IDK friends... Edited March 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 He does drugs, she does drugs. He sleeps around, she sleeps around. She is abusive, he is abusive. Geez, they sound perfect for each other. Remember, she's married to the same man you want. THAT won't change no matter who he's with. 10
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) Sadly, this is one of the most messed up situations I've read about in a long time. Some day you'll look back at all this craziness and have so much regret, though you can't see it now because you're in the midst of it all. He does drugs, she does drugs. He sleeps around, she sleeps around. She is abusive, he is abusive. Geez, they sound perfect for each other. Remember, she's married to the same man you want. THAT won't change no matter who he's with. This pretty much sums it up. That and he is just as unhealthy as she is, believe this - THEY DO still have sex because they are addicted to drama and now you're in the middle of it. You will turn into someone you won't like much as time goes on.... I hope you really think about what it is you want. He can divorce anytime he pleases, to leave her... he hasn't and he won't. He has no balls to change things and his wife is not going to divorce him. Edited March 13, 2014 by whichwayisup 4
anne1707 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I don't understand. From your posts, it sounds like he is with you all the time. You have a business together, you go out together, the whole town and his family know about you, he spends time with your children and he stays every night at yours. So in that case, how does he manage to find time to do all the cooking, cleaning, washing etc for his family? When does he actually spend any time with his children? And if he is at yours so much already then hasn't he basically already left his wife? 9
gettingstronger Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 He is settling for a crappy life but you don't have to- why get dragged down in that mess? My guess is she is not as bad as they say and he is not as good as you think-the truth usually lies some place in the middle-get out before you go deeper-this is a bad situation- 1
Sub Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I don't understand. From your posts, it sounds like he is with you all the time. You have a business together, you go out together, the whole town and his family know about you, he spends time with your children and he stays every night at yours. So in that case, how does he manage to find time to do all the cooking, cleaning, washing etc for his family? When does he actually spend any time with his children? And if he is at yours so much already then hasn't he basically already left his wife? Yeah, all of the above. Something about this story doesn't add up. 4
rumbleseat Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 This was one entertaining post, I'll give you that. Giving you the bennifit of the doubt, there are some points that are glaringly obvious. The first is that this guy is not the wonderful man you think he is. He is an addict. He is a substance abuser and he also seems to be addicted to the drama and foolishness in his life. He is also a p@ss poor excuse for a father and, in my humble opinion, his kids should be taken away and placed somewhere where neither he or his w can hurt them anymore. Really, read your post and give it some hard thought, what kind of father who loves his kids would ever consider leaving them in an environment where their mother abuses drugs, abuses them and they have such a terrible life? Not only does he have one child with her, he goes on to have two more! What kind of a father would do that? Then,to make matters even worse, this wonderful, loving father of the year leaves them with her while he goes to spend time with you. What a great guy! There's simply no spin that you can put on this that makes him sound good. Option one, he's leaving his kids to suffer because he can't be @ssed to get them out of that horrific environment, option two,he's lying about how bad things really are to get pity from you. Then there's the idea that his family has. Never seen his kids, and he is really upset by that until you came along. I don't buy that for a minute. They don't exactly sound so nice either. If they know that their grandchildren are being raised in such a nasty environment, why aren't they doing something about it instead of adding fuel to the fire by encouraging him in his A ? Why aren't they calling the police, child welfare, a lawyer, anybody who can get those kids out of there? You say they want you to be his home wrecker. You say that his home life is terrible,that he doesn't spend much time there, etc. if all that is true, then why, why WHY is divorce such a difficult prospect? Because he doesn't want to break up his kids home ? If it's so terrible, why would he care? Wouldn't he be happy to do it so his kids could be somewhere better? Seems more likely that right now, he can be with you as much as he wants without having to care for his kids. Sure, maybe he brings them along for a few " play dates" every now and again, but that doesn't make him any sort of a dad. He says he can't divorce because it would hurt his kids, yet from what you say the whole town knows about you two. What kind of a fool would put his kids at risk like that? What does he think his w is going to do when she hears the gossip from someone? If she does. Know and doesn't care, then again, why is getting d such a difficult thing? Again, giving you the bennifit of the doubt about your story, all you are doing is giving him an escape from his marriage. You are no different than the pills you say he takes. You enable him. As for his wife, you say the whole town knows about it, and his family.would this be the family who never saw them until you came along? If so, where are they getting their information from? Him? The same goes for the rest of the town. You've already heard this guy yelling at his wife over the phone for yourself, which shows he certainly is no shrinking violet. Most likely, the townsfolk get their gossip from him. I wonder what they are saying behind your back about you? When it comes to having a future with this guy, all you have to do is look at the wife his current wife has with him and ask yourself if that is what you want for yourself. He is showing you what he is like when he isn't on his best behavior. He has addiction issues and mental health issues. Getting a d won't change any of that. Maybe some hevay duty therapy could make a difference, but I doubt it. 4
krazikat Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 She is always calling him when she gets messed up (which is more often than not) and he does not like to talk her, he says he can't understand her first of all and she's got the nerve to yell and scream at him and tell him how big of a piece of **** he is, how he is such a "piss poor father" when I know for a fact this man runs all day making money and not bull****ting because I am with him. We opened a repo business together and besides that he has side jobs and community efforts, he cooks and cleans, does laundry and takes his kids to school. Yes, HE DOES IT ALL! she refuses to wash dishes because her nails might get messed up. I wish I could say I was over exaggerating and not know what was really going on but, I do, and we talk about it, he asks me for advice and the people telling all this stuff about him being a better person since I have been apart of his life is everyone from his mom, and all his brothers. His father who lives in another county and who I actually talk to. His aunts and friends of his that he grew up with. People from around the way that have previously done business with him and grown up around him. I feel like my life is a movie with the way everything seems so perfect. I love him and I want to make his life easier. He is one man who does the work of seven, and does not ever complain, not even when hes sick. I work but yet he supports his household and mine, not because he has to but because he says he has accepted the responsibility of being with me and taking care of us. I sometimes freak out because I have never had a man actually meet me half way and want to but he takes it further by staying strong especially in times of duress. Well, he sounds absolutely perfect! Considering everything you said above, he is absolutely not mr perfect. Have you considered that his wife is flipping out on him because she knows something is going on, he is never home, he is not helping with house and kids and... How could he possibly be doing everything if he is never home? How could his wife prevent him from seeing his relatives? If he is able to successfully spend entire nights with you, how could he not find the time to visit family? So she is a horrible parent because she sleeps around and does drugs, but he is Mr. Perfect when he does the same? It just doesnt add up... 1
Snipercatt Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 A Gud, I know that you would like to think that things are the way you'd like to believe they are, but there is too much evidence to the contrary that there is anything good in this situation for you! Put this situation aside for a moment. Your kids are the most important thing, here. You must not expose them to a situation that could turn ugly. You should not encourage an emotional attachment of your children with a man that is in a committed relationship that he may never leave. Do not expose them to a man that is in a situation that could implode and the collateral damage could hurt them, emotionally. Do not become dependent on this man financially. His funds are marital funds and there could be serious repercussions against him in any separation, or divorce! Repercussions, following settlements, that would make it difficult for him to support himself, let alone anyone else. Most likely his interest in any repo business is a marital asset. That means you are in business with his wife for 1/2 of his interest. This could get very ugly. I know alot about the repo business and the profit margins are thin. In my opinion, you have integrated this man and his drama filled life (which he created 100%) way too deep into your childrens' lives! It is irresponsible. Create healthy boundaries for your children, for you, for your finances etc. so that the negativity in his life doesn't boomerang into their lives. They don't deserve that. 1
SoleMate Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Not every affair ends the same way, no. However, I find that for OW who have center their Loveshack posts around what a monstrously subhuman being the BW is, there is and can be only 1 basic outcome pattern. she says he will never leave her no matter what she does... She is most likely right. After all, this is a longterm situation, right? [it] makes me sick. Us too. The whole mess and the way the kids (may be / are) suffering.
Snipercatt Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 A Gud, you are asking about affairs ending, but you should really be looking at the beginning because you have the greatest control regarding whether a relationship will be successful, or not. We enhance our possibilities for success by choosing, people, situations and circumstances that enhance our probability of a successful outcome. If what you want is a single man that supports you as you have described, then you stacked the outcome against yourself by engaging with a married men that is embroiled in an incredibly dysfuntional life. A life he chose and built! Keep in mind that you purposely, and actively, chose to bring this mess into your heart, home, and life. A successful outcome depends most heavily on you. His friends and family can't help you with this! It is all on you.
jellybean89 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 What confuses me the most is why this man is always at your house, with your kids, while his wife is at home with his kids. Why is he financially supporting you? His wife can go after all that money he has given you IF there is a divorce. She can probably also get at least 1/2 of 'your' half of the shared business, if not all of your part, since it was his marital funds put into this business. If he loves you like he says, why does he stay married? Why hasn't he divorced? Why have you allowed your children to 'bond' with a married man? I personally do not understand your desire to rely on a man supporting you. Where is your financial independence? He is not the father of your children, nor is he their dad. He is a father/dad to his children and until he divorces, you should not be letting your children think you all are one big happy family. That is so wrong emotionally to do to your kids. Why hasn't he left his wife? Why hasn't HE filed for divorce? If he loves you, why hasn't he done what he should do so as to not subject you to the title of mistress? I do not see this going well for you down the road -- his wife will ensure you hurt as much as she will. 2
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