robbysurfs Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 “Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. ” If you think she is worth it You gots to pay to play sometimes bro... Link to post Share on other sites
WP4046 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 “Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. ” If you think she is worth it You gots to pay to play sometimes bro... Pay to play? That's why it's a lot easier to pay someone to come to my place lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Do_The_Herp Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 I think this is aimed at a certain type of man and some won't appreciate it because that is clearly not for them and that is okay. The hunter type wants a challenge, not some women who any guy can get with zero effort. I know for me the chase was about not winning over the woman and landing her in bed just because I was interested and available. In that vein, any man would do. It is about a woman who doesn't let herself get carried away by a man and loses herself, her hopes and dreams, and rushes into relationships and bed without making sure the guy is exactly what she wants and demands. I was very picky about women and expected that any woman worth my time would be even more so. For instance, I wanted someone who was classy, sophisticated enough for a museum but could blend in at a baseball game, had morals and values, had a higher education and a self reliant career, intelligence that rivaled or surpassed mine and who had a good heart. She also had to be witty, effortlessly sexy (fakeness is a turn off) and have a good sense of humor and confidence while being emotionally, physically and mentally healthy. Women I would have liked didnt just fall for vapid texts and going Dutch on a burger and a movie every once in a while. They want a man who pursues them, who thinks nothing of sporting a tux for opera but also can make them feel safe at a hockey game, will open car doors for them and understand they are equal in the world. They want guys who don't think if you buy dinner you are guaranteed sex or think that feminism dictates a man's role as obsolete aka treating his girl to dinner. The chase is about getting her heart, not a date or into her pants. We don't want it to be easy and we want her heart to be hard to get because we don't want someone who treats commitment and love callously by giving it to anyone. This isn't for everyone and some men and women won't get it. Grumps It's weird, though. My actual desires and outlook is very similar to this with some interest differences (I could care less for sports, I'm more cerebral), and still find the original way that some posters were presenting the idea to make it sound like a careless high-risk low-reward chance endeavor. I don't think that it has to be. I don't think that two strangers should randomly go out for dinner. Maybe it works for some, who knows. You go with your gut in the moment, I guess. Maybe for all of the huffing and puffing playing devil's advocate, I'll wind up throwing away 170$ on a future first date and end up with a happy LTR out of it. Maybe older folk, I just think that it's weird, that's awkward, it's like a setting of forced intimacy on two total strangers. Talk about taking it slow and making SURE that one's feelings are genuine and not just fluff generated by momentum and temporary lust and whatnot... meh Link to post Share on other sites
TheNewMe2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 I'm dating a girl that doesn't offer to pay for anything. I find it odd but I don't mind. I'd tell her 'no' 100% of the time, unless she overly insisted - and even then I'd be hesitant to accept. I believe it's the man's job to take care of her, at least early in the relationship/dating. Does it bother me there's never an offer? Yes. Only from the standpoint of feeling like is she really interested in me. But overall, I don't think it's a big deal. Each woman is different and I am even sure there may be some who don't realize they should be offering to pay. Or maybe I'm a sucker - but I'm way over smitten with this girl to care. Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 The OP (Brendan) is not standing up for himself. If he really wants to stand up for himself, he would either (a) directly tell her what he expects out of a relationship, or (b) simply end it due to incompatibility. It's called self-respect. It's unnecessary to let this cloud linger over your head. The woman may just be very traditional, nothing wrong with that provided she contributes in some other way. Tons of women have similar views as her, and there are tons of men who prefer to play the traditional male role by always initiating and paying. Plenty other women are less traditional and that's fine too. There is no objective right, wrong, better or worse here. Instead of playing dumb games the OP should just politely end it. He's making a way bigger deal out of this then it needs to be. I simply see two people that aren't compatible. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WP4046 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I'm dating a girl that doesn't offer to pay for anything. I find it odd but I don't mind. I'd tell her 'no' 100% of the time, unless she overly insisted - and even then I'd be hesitant to accept. I believe it's the man's job to take care of her, at least early in the relationship/dating. Does it bother me there's never an offer? Yes. Only from the standpoint of feeling like is she really interested in me. But overall, I don't think it's a big deal. Each woman is different and I am even sure there may be some who don't realize they should be offering to pay. Or maybe I'm a sucker - but I'm way over smitten with this girl to care. Have you been intimate yet? Link to post Share on other sites
filani Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 @ topic Followed the thread from the beginning and i must say that quite a few responses to the OP red flagging the girls behaviour was the typical defensive reaction to a very valid point. I personally would feel like i was being used financially,emotionally etc if i was putting in so much effort with no reciprocity.I agree with DoTheHerd 'If there is a chase it means the guy is running after a girl who is doing her very best to get away from/Avoid him. How exactly does anyone justify that as 'fun' for the guys ?!?'. 'Who decided that guys are the only ones who need to impress the girls ?!?' Call me whatever name you want but i am not in the habit of letting myself be used like a doormat, No Sir...too much self respect for that.I let all my dates know right from the get go that a relationship with me is a two way street.We both make an effort/investment or there is no relationship at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nomadic_butterfly Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 It's weird, though. My actual desires and outlook is very similar to this with some interest differences (I could care less for sports, I'm more cerebral), and still find the original way that some posters were presenting the idea to make it sound like a careless high-risk low-reward chance endeavor. I don't think that it has to be. I don't think that two strangers should randomly go out for dinner. Maybe it works for some, who knows. You go with your gut in the moment, I guess. Maybe for all of the huffing and puffing playing devil's advocate, I'll wind up throwing away 170$ on a future first date and end up with a happy LTR out of it. Maybe older folk, I just think that it's weird, that's awkward, it's like a setting of forced intimacy on two total strangers. Talk about taking it slow and making SURE that one's feelings are genuine and not just fluff generated by momentum and temporary lust and whatnot... meh Dinner doesn't have to be $170. It can be 1/4 of that for some places. I have gone on plenty of dinner dates throughout my dating life and there was nothing at all awkward about the setting itself. The whole point to me of a first meet is to be in a setting relatively quiet where we can converse. I hate coffee personally, but wouldn't mind a milkshake date but ONLY if we barely spoke or gotten to know each other before meeting. I am super selective and have even have spurts of 1 1/2 yrs without dating, turning down tons of people. A discerning person doesn't have the same concerns a lot of people on this board seems to have. Link to post Share on other sites
WP4046 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Dinner doesn't have to be $170. It can be 1/4 of that for some places. I have gone on plenty of dinner dates throughout my dating life and there was nothing at all awkward about the setting itself. The whole point to me of a first meet is to be in a setting relatively quiet where we can converse. I hate coffee personally, but wouldn't mind a milkshake date but ONLY if we barely spoke or gotten to know each other before meeting. I am super selective and have even have spurts of 1 1/2 yrs without dating, turning down tons of people. A discerning person doesn't have the same concerns a lot of people on this board seems to have. Going to a coffee house doesn't mean you have to drink coffee Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) In all sincerity, we girls| women get different messages about the dating and paying things Some advice says to never offer to pay specially at the first dates because it will offend the guy other advice says to pretend to pay, but the guy will refuse and in that way you'll like a nice helpful girl.... the last advice is to insist on paying or at least the half and in this case the man either be impressed about how assertive she is or annoyed by that action like it hurt his ego... Like I said ...Mixed messages about paying during a date .. Edited March 23, 2014 by Noproblem 1 Link to post Share on other sites
desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 In all sincerity, we girls| women get different messages about the dating and paying things Some advice says to never offer to pay specially at the first dates because it will offend the guy other advice says to pretend to pay, but the guy will refuse and in that way you'll like a nice helpful girl.... the last advice is to insist on paying or at least the half and in this case the man either be impressed about how assertive she is or annoyed by that action like it hurt his ego... Like I said ...Mixed messages about paying during a date .. this. not to mention that you're told NOT to inititate dats, and that if a guy is into you, he will make all the effort. And will lose intrest. I will always offer to split, and be ready to do so, but kind s want a man to pay IF he asked me out. After thst, i will pay for some dates, and insist in cintributting to other. but honestly, it sounds like she's been reading the rules or something, which says you have to do this to get any respect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WP4046 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I feel like a woman should do what she feels and not what's in some stupid article I had women offer to treat me on date 3 because it was their choice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 So she expects you to pay for everything and what she brings to the table is sex or the prospect of sex. There is a term for this. Treat her accordingly. It is bad enough if she is 'fulfilling her part of the bargain' after 5 dates, but if she is not even doing that at this point, you are being played. You hit the nail on the head.....but this person is not alone in this attitude. There are many like her, who have got it in their head that "sex" is all that is needed and once the guy gets that.....they are foolish enough to just bow to everything. That is why I'll always advice guys/men that the first opportunity you get to HIT IT, do it so you don't feel like you've wasted your time, money and effort on someone who brings nothing else to the table but just their delusional sex Link to post Share on other sites
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