lino Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Women like this aren't uncommon... Get used to it. Why would you ask a girl out and expect her to pay for anything? What if you happen to get engaged? Are you going to expect her to pay for half of her ring also? It's bad manners very effeminate to ask a girl out and expect her to pay for anything. Yeah OP, what's wrong with you, don't you know it's 1914?!?! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cakess Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 It's not at all moronic. It signifies the very difference between entitlement and preference, IMO. that's like saying a kid who hates peas always asks his mom for peas at dinner. You just wouldn't do it. But its not the topic we're discussing, so. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 that's like saying a kid who hates peas always asks his mom for peas at dinner. You just wouldn't do it. But its not the topic we're discussing, so. It absolutely is the topic we are discussing. The girl the OP is seeing does not offer. There is a huge difference between the way kids are supposed to operate and how adults are supposed to operate. Let's say you enjoy it when men open the door for you. But does that mean you are going to stop at every single door and do absolutely nothing until the man you are with does it for you? Let's say a guy enjoys his girl cooking for him. Does that mean he should just turn up at her house and say, "Okay, babe, it's all you now" and not offer to lift a finger to help? Link to post Share on other sites
faithfully Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 As a woman, on date 1 i never pay nor offer to pay but date 2/3 then i do offer. Think its just a decent thing to do but if the guy declines then at least ive offered. She has a good job like you said but offering wont kill the bank am sure. Link to post Share on other sites
starrynightz45 Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 As far as paying, that's just "princess" behavior. After 5 dates, she should have at least offered to split something. You're in the right to be annoyed about that. That's borderline taking advantage of you. As far as initiating date - buck up buddy. You're the man, you initiate dates. Especially if it's only been 5 dates. I've never initiated a date (unless I was already in a committed relationship with the person) and I absolutely wouldn't even consider it after only 5 dates. Women don't want to reach out and plan or make a date with you. Some will if they have to, but none of us WANT to. You're the man, be one. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 (edited) AI've never initiated a date (unless I was already in a committed relationship with the person) and I absolutely wouldn't even consider it after only 5 dates. Women don't want to reach out and plan or make a date with you. Some will if they have to, but none of us WANT to. You're the man, be one. God forbid that women have to make any effort these days in the modern dating world. "Men say they have no choice. If they want a life, they have to ask women out on dates; they have to initiate conversations at bars and parties, they have to take the lead on sex. Women can take a Chinese menu approach to gender roles.” Kay Hymowitz Edited March 15, 2014 by Bruce Leigh Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 especially considering the fact that she doesnt initiate anything. When I started dating my now wife I had to chase her, she didn't initiate anything either. If it was given to me on a plate without me having to chase and earn it then I most likely wouldn't have wanted it. She also didn't pay for dates.. I paid.. She did later on and also started doing dinners at her place then so is the OP's date...she offered to have dinner at her place.. duh... It think the OP is over reacting.. 5 dates and he had to pay, poor guy.. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 When I started dating my now wife I had to chase her, she didn't initiate anything either. If it was given to me on a plate without me having to chase and earn it then I most likely wouldn't have wanted it. She also didn't pay for dates.. I paid.. She did later on and also started doing dinners at her place then so is the OP's date...she offered to have dinner at her place.. duh... It think the OP is over reacting.. 5 dates and he had to pay, poor guy.. May come as a shock but not everyone is the same as you, nor do they want to be A lot of men aren't interested in 'chasing' and 'earning' women. What the f*ck is 'earning' a woman anyway? Are they a form of currency now? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 May come as a shock but not everyone is the same as you, nor do they want to be A lot of men aren't interested in 'chasing' and 'earning' women. What the f*ck is 'earning' a woman anyway? Are they a form of currency now? It doesn't come as a shock, my post was what is known as an opinion, it is one of the things that makes people different... and I was posting about my EXPERIENCE while dating my wife. If the OP was looking for all the same answer I'm sure they wouldn't have posted this thread. IMO...If a man isn't interested in chasing a woman then he is either taking some time off of dating or sitting at home alone wishing he was dating. As far as the currency part of your post I'm not going to take your bait since that is all it was. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 May come as a shock but not everyone is the same as you, nor do they want to be I sense something there.. I'm not trying to get people to be like me..I'm posting to help someone with my experiences, do you have any you would like to post about ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 When I started dating my now wife I had to chase her, she didn't initiate anything either. If it was given to me on a plate without me having to chase and earn it then I most likely wouldn't have wanted it. She also didn't pay for dates.. I paid.. My SO did the same. I always offered, though, he just insisted on turning down the offers. It's only polite IMO. She did later on and also started doing dinners at her place then so is the OP's date...she offered to have dinner at her place.. duh... Did the OP's girl offer to make dinner at her place? I might have missed that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WP4046 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Women who are interested usually offer to pay by the 3rd date Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 When I started dating my now wife I had to chase her, she didn't initiate anything either. If it was given to me on a plate without me having to chase and earn it then I most likely wouldn't have wanted it. She also didn't pay for dates.. I paid.. She did later on and also started doing dinners at her place then so is the OP's date...she offered to have dinner at her place.. duh... It think the OP is over reacting.. 5 dates and he had to pay, poor guy.. He isn't overreacting if this is important to him. He needs to do what makes him happy. Yet, I completely agree with you. Getting women was extremely easy for me. Getting dates and getting laid was extremely easy for me. If the woman paid, I would not have been interested and still wouldn't. I liked the challenge of someone who thought she was worth it for me to treat, to chase. Easily gotten women just never appealed to me. I am still a hunter at heart regardless of PC expectations. I don't live my life as dictated by the masses. Men (some of us anyway) like to hunt. There are women who wouldn't date me because of this and that is okay. Those aren't the kind of women I would want to chase anyway. It doesn't mean I don't think women are equal to men, I just don't think they are the same as men and that is a wonderful thing. My wife is my partner, but I chased her like a man on a mission because she was worth it. I paid for every date, and it worked for us. Now, she takes care of me and our children and makes me proud for her career accomplishments and who she is as a wife and a human being. I am a man and she is a woman. Not a big deal to me if she didn't pay for meals while I was pursuing her because I enjoyed the hell out of that pursuit. It was a major turn on for me. She still keeps me on my toes. Nothing wrong with women paying for men or going half on things, just not my thing. Honestly a woman paying would have felt like we were friends....good buddies. I am admittedly old fashioned, but since I am happily married, my wife thinks I am great, and have a great sex life, it worked for me. Just my preference, so if this is something the OP doesn't like, he should date women who go half or who like to pay. On the first date, maybe discuss expectations. Negotiating is a skill in any relationship that comes in handy. All caveman and such, Grumps 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WP4046 Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 May come as a shock but not everyone is the same as you, nor do they want to be A lot of men aren't interested in 'chasing' and 'earning' women. What the f*ck is 'earning' a woman anyway? Are they a form of currency now? Meaning he had to earn that piece of magic between her legs:D Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Did the OP's girl offer to make dinner at her place? I might have missed that. I mixed up whose place she was hinting at.. doesn't matter though the message is still the same.. Well the 2cnd and third were $150 nights, she suggested the 4th at my place, but didn't contribute at all for small outings from my place (grab a coffee, buy dinner (groceries), get ice cream) after all I have picked up for her in the past. It's not so much the $, but the principal. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Honestly a woman paying would have felt like we were friends....good buddies. I am admittedly old fashioned, I'm the same and also sometimes feel as though I'm old fashioned, always in a good way though, I also open car doors and doors for all women, young and old and even my Mom .. There were times that my wife's desire to have me chase had me stumped but I played it all just right... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crosswordfiend Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 When I started dating my now wife I had to chase her, she didn't initiate anything either. If it was given to me on a plate without me having to chase and earn it then I most likely wouldn't have wanted it. She also didn't pay for dates.. I paid.. She did later on and also started doing dinners at her place then so is the OP's date...she offered to have dinner at her place.. duh... It think the OP is over reacting.. 5 dates and he had to pay, poor guy.. Would there have been a number beyond which you would have gotten annoyed as well? Perhaps not 5 dates, but maybe somewhere between 6 dates and every single time? Link to post Share on other sites
WP4046 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Would there have been a number beyond which you would have gotten annoyed as well? Perhaps not 5 dates, but maybe somewhere between 6 dates and every single time? Or maybe is his money was long and it was never a problem Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Would there have been a number beyond which you would have gotten annoyed as well? Perhaps not 5 dates, but maybe somewhere between 6 dates and every single time? No.. it isn't about money or being annoyed at your perception of not pulling her own weight, it's about chasing, hunting and trying to put your best foot forward to win over her attention and affection all the while starting to get to know her.. I have always paid for the dates of women I have dated... To be fair to her (the girl in the OP) she did suggest dinner at his home after 3 dates... while that isn't what you are looking for, what it shows is she was slowing down and letting him catch her... Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 No.. it isn't about money or being annoyed at your perception of not pulling her own weight, it's about chasing, hunting and trying to put your best foot forward to win over her attention and affection all the while starting to get to know her.. I have always paid for the dates of women I have dated... I generally think I am as much of a prize as the women I date, so I don't expct to do all the work and all the paying. If I end up paying for everything for an extended period of time, I lose respect for the woman. I'll still spend time with them if it suits me. After all, I've paid for that time, I might as well get my moneys worth before I move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Do_The_Herp Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 No.. it isn't about money or being annoyed at your perception of not pulling her own weight, it's about chasing, hunting and trying to put your best foot forward to win over her attention and affection all the while starting to get to know her.. I have always paid for the dates of women I have dated... To be fair to her (the girl in the OP) she did suggest dinner at his home after 3 dates... while that isn't what you are looking for, what it shows is she was slowing down and letting him catch her... If there's a "chase", it implies that I'm running after something or someone who is trying to get AWAY from me or AVOID me. Why is this "fun"? It just doesn't seem worth it. Why is the guy the only one who is required to impress? Is he just mindlessly looking for ANYONE to be with? Am I just projecting here? I can't imagine wasting my time on someone who doesn't really seem interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Monm82 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 I've siad this before: I think there's too much pressure put on men during early dating. It's not fun for most average guys to chase. Link to post Share on other sites
WP4046 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 If there's a "chase", it implies that I'm running after something or someone who is trying to get AWAY from me or AVOID me. Why is this "fun"? It just doesn't seem worth it. Why is the guy the only one who is required to impress? Is he just mindlessly looking for ANYONE to be with? Am I just projecting here? I can't imagine wasting my time on someone who doesn't really seem interested. Because she has something magical between her legs which is what us guys are all chasing Link to post Share on other sites
WP4046 Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 I've siad this before: I think there's too much pressure put on men during early dating. It's not fun for most average guys to chase. maybe that's why I rarely succeeded in dating because I always thought both the man and women show interest not just me doing all the calling Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 (edited) If there's a "chase", it implies that I'm running after something or someone who is trying to get AWAY from me or AVOID me. Why is this "fun"? It just doesn't seem worth it. Why is the guy the only one who is required to impress? Is he just mindlessly looking for ANYONE to be with? Am I just projecting here? I can't imagine wasting my time on someone who doesn't really seem interested. I think this is aimed at a certain type of man and some won't appreciate it because that is clearly not for them and that is okay. The hunter type wants a challenge, not some women who any guy can get with zero effort. I know for me the chase was about not winning over the woman and landing her in bed just because I was interested and available. In that vein, any man would do. It is about a woman who doesn't let herself get carried away by a man and loses herself, her hopes and dreams, and rushes into relationships and bed without making sure the guy is exactly what she wants and demands. I was very picky about women and expected that any woman worth my time would be even more so. For instance, I wanted someone who was classy, sophisticated enough for a museum but could blend in at a baseball game, had morals and values, had a higher education and a self reliant career, intelligence that rivaled or surpassed mine and who had a good heart. She also had to be witty, effortlessly sexy (fakeness is a turn off) and have a good sense of humor and confidence while being emotionally, physically and mentally healthy. Women I would have liked didnt just fall for vapid texts and going Dutch on a burger and a movie every once in a while. They want a man who pursues them, who thinks nothing of sporting a tux for opera but also can make them feel safe at a hockey game, will open car doors for them and understand they are equal in the world. They want guys who don't think if you buy dinner you are guaranteed sex or think that feminism dictates a man's role as obsolete aka treating his girl to dinner. The chase is about getting her heart, not a date or into her pants. We don't want it to be easy and we want her heart to be hard to get because we don't want someone who treats commitment and love callously by giving it to anyone. This isn't for everyone and some men and women won't get it. Grumps Edited March 17, 2014 by Grumpybutfun 6 Link to post Share on other sites
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