theediblewoman Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 My boyfriend and I discussed situations like this because he apparently had encountered many girls like this in his dating past. He told me what he did with one of them which I found pretty amusing. They went on a date for dinner or something and then after she suggested going for drinks. They went for drinks, only he didn't order anything and she did. When the bill came she looked at him waiting for him to pay. She actually asked him if he was going to pay and he said no, didn't drink anything. She got the point,but needless to say they're not dating anymore. haha 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 I agree that she should invite you to something after your initiating at the beginning and for 4 times in a row after, but, as others have said, tell her that instead of just waiting. A pattern is established and you set it together. How or why would she guess that THIS is the reason you’re no longer asking her out? Also understand that there are no hard and fast rules that apply to everybody. One guy asked me to expensive dinners and events and one night I asked if we could just get hot dogs and watch a hockey game at a sports bar on me, because he was spending an awful lot of money on me. He said he loved doing it and he wanted me to feel spoiled. Well, what do you do with that? He’s not the only man I’ve gone out with who reacted as though I was treating him like a hard luck case or stripping him of a role he liked if I paid, offered to pay or helped pay. So, it’s a little tricky. She might feel embarrassed when you mention it. Don't take a battle posture about it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chubbi Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Most pretty, well-groomed prostitutes cost more than $100 a night. Let's be honest here. Women are selling themselves short. Last time I checked, hot escorts came in the thousand dollar range... Link to post Share on other sites
Do_The_Herp Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 In my opinion, her not initiating dates is pretty normal. A woman wants to know the guy is very interested, and most women prefer that the man take action and move the relationship along. That means taking charge of asking the woman out and planning dates. In the early stages, I never ask the guy out, and never initiate contact. The more traditional guys I like don't have a problem with this, and in fact seem to prefer it that way. I totally understand this. I'm not rich by any means, but I'm not broke. I'd consider myself 'traditional' in many ways.. What I'm mostly apprehensive about, is... how exactly does the guy know if she's interested at all? Merely because she's accepted? He'd clearly be investing way more (even if just financially) into a prospect that could turn cold 5 dates and possibly several hundred dollars later.. Under the (probably false) assumption that getting ice cream and a walk in the park doesn't cut it for the girl for a first meet / first "date".. Most if not all girls have to kiss a lot of frogs.. I'm sure some of them make the conscious effort to at least get a few good meals out of the whole deal.. I'm sure that if it's someone I already knew prior to the date, and the mental/physical attraction is mutual, I really doubt I'll have to worry too much about impressing them in regards to what we do. I imagine that it'd already be a natural progression from being good short-term (of several months) friends to two people who are simply attracted to one another and get along really well and just decide to give it an official social "label" and then go out and do things together. Probably wouldn't even give it much thought in the process. If it were someone I'd just met online, I'd gladly go to a restaurant after a month or two of dating if things seemed to be going really well. If I'd chosen to go after several dates, it'd still be weird to me, I'm basically dining with a near complete stranger who I'm merely attracted to and have "hung out" with several times prior. Link to post Share on other sites
Do_The_Herp Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Most pretty, well-groomed prostitutes cost more than $100 a night. Let's be honest here. Women are selling themselves short. Last time I checked, hot escorts came in the thousand dollar range... What's your angle? I don't get it. Are you saying that women should present themselves as would a prostitute? Are you some deranged woman? Or a bitter man? I wouldn't expect anything out of a love interest other than her time. And I'd hope she'd expect the same of me. Of course I don't mind spending money but 100$+ on a total stranger? I'm sorry, but that's just not a smart idea and doesn't say **** about how much you "like them".. Surely a desperate guy with money would gladly shower any girl with benjamins, should she feel so special because of that? Maybe a very superficial girl who has no inner substance, but they'd be using one another so I suppose they'd make a good match. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 If a woman has been taken out on 4 dates, everyone paid for by the man(no offers to pay anything from her) and is wondering why he hasn't asked for a 5th date? She would just assume that he is not interested and she would be right. Women want contemporary equality and old-fashioned chivalry. Its a new concept that more and more men are rejecting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpringBaby Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 You are the one that wrote the original post (OP). You seemed put out that she never pays despite making the same type of money you make. I was simply agreeing with your assessment given the facts you provided. If you are doing low cost dates and she is not complaining, then I don't know what your problem is. If that is the case, she gets lots of bonus points for being a good sport and low maintenance. As far as not initiating...That is annoying, especially from 'independent' women who are into 'grrrll power'. But, you life will become infinitely easier if you just accept the fact that that is the way women work. Equality at work, traditional while dating. I agree with the second paragraph but to compare work to relationships is a bit out there. I would like for men not to assume all women are the 'grrll power' types, whatever that means:). Being independent doesn't mean you necessarily want to wear the pants, just that you might have to if no one else willing to. That being said, I would initiate after I feel like a relationship is established and/or he is serious and sometimes that takes longer than we hope or expect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpringBaby Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 This is a tough one for me, I don't pay on dates. I'm a lady and guys are forgetting how to treat ladies (not saying that's you, OP). I know it gets confusing because of all the bobble heads you guys have had to deal with, we have our own share of knuckleheads to contend with too. Personally, I would rather go on a less expensive date than pay. I'm low maintenance, I don't need champagne and caviar if I know the guy can't afford it. If we had to get a slice of pizza or go to Subway and split a sandwich I would, but I need for a man to show me he can handle being the head of the household and figure it out which is what I personally prefer. That said, I have made plenty of dinners (with dessert) and planned picnics in the park and on the beach for my bf. It's important to balance it out, I think that's only right. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SpringBaby Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) I think it would better serve guys to be more thoughtful than just spend, spend, spend if they don't have it like that. I don't even want a guy to just spend because then he thinks I'm for sale. If a guy planned a sunset picnic on the beach, I would love that. I don't drink so what's that cost? Some fruit, a couple of sandwiches, cupcakes, sparkling water etc... like 20 bucks? A little creativity goes a long way and you won't come off looking like a cheapskate to the right woman. Edited March 13, 2014 by SpringBaby 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Copelandsanity Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 I think it would better serve guys to be more thoughtful than just spend, spend, spend if they don't have it like that. I don't even want a guy to just spend because then he thinks I'm for sale. If a guy planned a sunset picnic on the beach, I would love that. I don't drink so what's that cost? Some fruit, a couple of sandwiches, cupcakes, sparkling water etc... like 20 bucks? A little creativity goes a long way and you won't come off looking like a cheapskate to the right woman. A sunset picnic on the beach will cost $100 due to car rental But we get the point. Picnic at Central Park then That was the 2nd date with my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 A GOOD woman is priceless. So, it all comes down to how special she is to you. If she's special, you wouldn't give a dyum about the money. How do you feel when you're with her?? Or maybe you're just going through the motions and that's why a little thing like this is such an issue for you. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpringBaby Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 I might initiate the next dates, but I'll make sure they are cheap to see how she reacts. Obviously I will try to make them fun as well...I think the answer will be very clear after that. She now knows I don't mind spending some money and doing nice dinners, etc....but now it is her turn to earn that right, so she better get to work But I agree, she should come up with some ideas, maybe she's just lazy. Link to post Share on other sites
SpringBaby Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 I might initiate the next dates, but I'll make sure they are cheap to see how she reacts. Obviously I will try to make them fun as well...I think the answer will be very clear after that. She now knows I don't mind spending some money and doing nice dinners, etc....but now it is her turn to earn that right, so she better get to work But I agree, she should come up with some ideas, maybe she's just lazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 So, it all comes down to how special she is to you. If she's special, you wouldn't give a dyum about the money. Doors swing both ways, at least for most people. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Doors swing both ways, at least for most people. Like I always say Men are the NEW women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpringBaby Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Like I always say Men are the NEW women. :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Like I always say Men are the NEW women. EXACTLY! Not sure what happened or where their mothers went wrong but now society is overrun with *WAM*! WEAK ASS MEN 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) I am just glad that I wont be around in 50 yrs time to see the fallout. Western women really do hold all the cards these days. Edited March 14, 2014 by Bruce Leigh Link to post Share on other sites
Do_The_Herp Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 A GOOD woman is priceless. So, it all comes down to how special she is to you. If she's special, you wouldn't give a dyum about the money. How do you feel when you're with her?? Or maybe you're just going through the motions and that's why a little thing like this is such an issue for you. Good luck I'm not even talking money at all in this post. If SHE doesn't initiate anything of her own free will, that's odd to me. Red flag. Don't matter how "priceless" she is.. Don't let a pretty face take your wallet and slap you around. Have some balls. Nobody's that special, especially not someone you've known for maybe 5 dates. lol No matter how much fun it seems like she's having with the OP on these dates. Having fun in the moment does not always necessarily = long-term potential. If I was OP, I'd be wary, but I wouldn't shoot myself in the foot just yet in the chance that she does change for the better. If things don't get any better in time, I'd just cut my losses and look for someone who really acts like they want to be around me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 When you realize that it takes substance to make a GOOD woman and not a "pretty face" maybe you'll get it. I said nothing about a pretty face or a broke ass woman. Men are so shallow at times. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) NOW, as for the problem with OP, it really depends on you. It sounds like you are just looking for men to agree with you and call you right especially if she not offering "other", "sincere" gifts (Read:SEX) in return of you spending money. However, if you want a real opinion, I'd say that not ALL women are equal payers, some women prefer men to pay for things, chase after them, initiate contact, etc. If that's not your things, no one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to date her. You can just as easily move on. But having a standoff and doing other things is quite childish. If you bothers you that much, but you ARE interested in her, why not just tell her? What's the problem with communicating yourself to her? Problem solved. I think it's fine for a woman to prefer men who pay, but IMO it's really rude to not even offer to pay for your own share and just assume that he'll cover you. At the very least give him the option to choose to go dutch, then after the date you can decide whether you want to go out with him again or not. It's really the same as men who prefer early sex - you still need to give her the option to refuse graciously, rather than 'assume' and start pushing her for sex right away. Respect her wishes and then decide whether you want to continue on with her or date someone else instead. But if I were her and the guy I was dating was bashing me on a site like this, I'd delete your number in a heartbeat.Yes, the OP sounds rather rude, too. Birds of a feather perhaps? Edited March 14, 2014 by Elswyth 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nomadic_butterfly Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) Well the 2cnd and third were $150 nights, she suggested the 4th at my place, but didn't contribute at all for small outings from my place (grab a coffee, buy dinner (groceries), get ice cream) after all I have picked up for her in the past. It's not so much the $, but the principal. thanks for your input, its appreciated! Wow...I think you should bring it up from now to make sure you are on the same page. If she becomes resentful, then it's a case of a hit dog who will holler. I'm more traditional and that's been all of my relationship dynamics (though I have tons of student loan debt and usually have dated guys with great jobs/financial security) but not even offering to grab groceries to cook dinner is a bit much. With my exes, they'd pay mainly for our outings, but every other weekend we'd stay in, I'm grab a movie and get the groceries and cook. I would also help them clean, give them massages, pick up candy, sports memorabilia, clothes, etc. if I saw it and thought they'd like it. I mean it would be weird making no contribution at all, especially if I was debt free and making as much as the guy (which has never been the case for me). It sounds like you need to let her show you she is equally invested. Edited March 14, 2014 by nomadic_butterfly Link to post Share on other sites
Cakess Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 I think it's fine for a woman to prefer men who pay, but IMO it's really rude to not even offer to pay for your own share and just assume that he'll cover you. At the very least give him the option to choose to go dutch, then after the date you can decide whether you want to go out with him again or not. It's really the same as men who prefer early sex - you still need to give her the option to refuse graciously, rather than 'assume' and start pushing her for sex right away. Respect her wishes and then decide whether you want to continue on with her or date someone else instead. Yes, the OP sounds rather rude, too. Birds of a feather perhaps? But you have to agree, a woman who prefers men to pay isn't going to offer to pay. That'd just be kinda moronic, and not to the point the lady is obviously trying to make. I'm just offering my opinion on the question. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 But you have to agree, a woman who prefers men to pay isn't going to offer to pay. That'd just be kinda moronic, and not to the point the lady is obviously trying to make. I'm just offering my opinion on the question. It's not at all moronic. It signifies the very difference between entitlement and preference, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Take her on a date that costs nothing and see how she responds. A bike ride A walk Concert in a park Beach day Hike in the mountains See what her level of having fun while doing nothing in particular looks like. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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