avoforastig Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I live in a big, expensive east coast city. How often/how long should I be expected to foot the bill for dates? The cost of going out is really explosive when you start talking about dinner and drinks in my city. When should women be offering to contribute or at least pay some of the time? Should the partners alternate? I'd hate to mention this to a date, but spending $130 routinely really adds up, even when I make close to six figures. I try to live on a budget, but its been blown up with dating expenses.
babycakees Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 If you can't afford to date, then don't date. 3
Assasda Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) Anyway, Women can always fit the bill. Especially if its like the 3rd or 4th time around and they know that youre not a millionaire. You should just ask them if they want to split it. I personally dont think its a big deal. In my humble opinion, women should always at least ask to pay or leave a tip. So as a man to another man, dont think its your duty Edited March 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
kaylan Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 @babycakes thats exactly the thing I tell to user women.I live in a big, expensive east coast city. How often/how long should I be expected to foot the bill for dates? The cost of going out is really explosive when you start talking about dinner and drinks in my city. When should women be offering to contribute or at least pay some of the time? Should the partners alternate? I'd hate to mention this to a date, but spending $130 routinely really adds up, even when I make close to six figures. I try to live on a budget, but its been blown up with dating expenses. Be selective, date considerate women who don't mooch and are independent. Its not hard to have fun dating and not spend over 100 bucks each date. 1
readynow Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I really can't imagine splitting bills with a man - I do that with my girl friends. Some women just don't think it's proper. Or they're clueless. Or who knows? What I do though with the man I'm currently dating is if we're going to a place where you pay for what we're having before we eat, like a coffee shop, drinks bar or snack bar, I try to arrive first and pay for our coffees or snacks before he arrives. That way, I've paid and it's not embarrassing for me! Yeah, what Dr Elliot said too.
organizedchaos Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 If you can't afford to date, then don't date. That's pretty much a b.s. Response. So dating means the man foots the bill all the time? 2
Leegh Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 You can do cheaper dates. Bowling, putt putt golf, go karts, museum tour, art gallery, music festivals, locally produced plays, stargazing, cook dinner at your house and rent a movie etc. I agree. Perhaps the first couple of dates, you could take her to dinner, but once things progress, you can go on less expensive dates. Once a relationship has been established, things get more casual, and that usually means just watching TV or something, and that usually means less expense involved. Speaking for myself, I don't think it is appropriate to ask a date to split the check, sorry to say, it sounds tacky. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I really can't imagine splitting bills with a man - I do that with my girl friends. Some women just don't think it's proper. Or they're clueless. Or who knows? What I do though with the man I'm currently dating is if we're going to a place where you pay for what we're having before we eat, like a coffee shop, drinks bar or snack bar, I try to arrive first and pay for our coffees or snacks before he arrives. That way, I've paid and it's not embarrassing for me! Yeah, what Dr Elliot said too. I am really taken aback by your comment about being embarrassed... are you saying that getting up to pay the bill would be embarrassing to you? Could you expand upon that a little? 1
David87 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I live in a big, expensive east coast city. How often/how long should I be expected to foot the bill for dates? The cost of going out is really explosive when you start talking about dinner and drinks in my city. When should women be offering to contribute or at least pay some of the time? Should the partners alternate? I'd hate to mention this to a date, but spending $130 routinely really adds up, even when I make close to six figures. I try to live on a budget, but its been blown up with dating expenses. You'll have to pay when you ask a girl out, that's the way it goes. Because otherwise you gave her the impression that you're cheap. 2
David87 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 If you can't afford to date, then don't date. Why are you so mean??? The Op is having a problem and we should help him out if we can , not make fun of him. If you don't have something smart to say then shut up. You were so rude ......
isisisweeping Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 There is no reason to spend that much routinely on a date. There's no hard and fast answers to who pays and for how long. I think I would be embarrassed if a guy was spending that much on dates for us regularly... but I certainly couldn't afford to reciprocate in kind.
nomadic_butterfly Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I live in a big, expensive east coast city. How often/how long should I be expected to foot the bill for dates? The cost of going out is really explosive when you start talking about dinner and drinks in my city. When should women be offering to contribute or at least pay some of the time? Should the partners alternate? I'd hate to mention this to a date, but spending $130 routinely really adds up, even when I make close to six figures. I try to live on a budget, but its been blown up with dating expenses. This is HIGHLY subjective! Do what works and feels right/makes sense for you. There is no right or wrong answers though people will passionately argue about it as if it's objective. I've usually dated older and more established men and they paid for things 80-90% of the time. I am not a feminist and chivalry doesn't in the least bit insult me. I hold traditional values therefore I date men who think the same and don't bat an eye. I believe in being courted then when married everything including finances being combined. I am also marriage minded. I always ask guys as I get to know them what is the role of a man and a woman in a relationship. You should be asking the same of the women you date. Some people I know always split, others take turns, and other men I've encountered feel like they should be a provider. To me, it is all within reason. I am an excellent chef and don't mind cooking often. If my man was saving for something as well, I want help him with those goals. If he has a budget, it's nice to know so I can come up with lower cost ways to help him achieve his financial goals. I'd never want to take advantage of someone regardless of if he held traditional values. You need to talk to her. Previous relationship experiences shape our expectations, attitudes and behaviors. The budding stages are the best time to set the precedent and expectations in your relationship. You shouldn't be splurging every weekend. No matter how successful a man I date it, I like to see he is financially responsible (as am I, I have a monthly budget and working my tail off to pay my student loans). There are plenty of low cost things you can do for dates to cut down on your expenses. I agree with people that say in the initial stages, don't go all the way out unless it's a special occasion (i.e. bday, v-day). First get to know you want to be with a woman in the longer term before investing in them. If you are a serial dater, it would be foolish to be squandering $130 per a date when you have 5 girls in rotation. This is part of why I am not found of multi-dating. Anyway, Ignore the people on here who act like their view is an absolute.
David87 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 There is no reason to spend that much routinely on a date. There's no hard and fast answers to who pays and for how long. I think I would be embarrassed if a guy was spending that much on dates for us regularly... but I certainly couldn't afford to reciprocate in kind. Botom line is that the guy should ofer to pay on the first date at least, sure there are times when the girl offer to pay but usually when this happens it isn't a good sign, i'am telling you from my experiences. On my last serious relationship i've paid for months, then it began to compensate, for example if me and my girl went to the mountains for example, I would pay for the transport( gas money) and she would offer to pay the accommodations. It depends on the relationship and the girl.
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I live in a big, expensive east coast city. How often/how long should I be expected to foot the bill for dates? The cost of going out is really explosive when you start talking about dinner and drinks in my city. When should women be offering to contribute or at least pay some of the time? Should the partners alternate? I'd hate to mention this to a date, but spending $130 routinely really adds up, even when I make close to six figures. I try to live on a budget, but its been blown up with dating expenses. I'm the alternate type. If we go to dinner and a movie the guy usually gets the dinner and I'll get the movie, popcorn drinks ect. If there is only one thing to pay for, he gets it one time and I'll get the next. It's uncomfortable to me to allow someone to pay for you and if by now she's not paying for anything I would say find someone new. Some women are accustom to letting men pay for all their dates but basically you are paying for her time. That's not dating that's prostitution minus awesome sex lol 3
BikerAccnt Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Pay as often as you feel comfortable doing, then, don't date her anymore. I've seldom encountered this. Usually by the second or third date the woman has offered, or insisted on paying for at least part of the date. In this day and age of supposed equality, I think it's only fair. Life is expensive these days and most women are aware of that. I think if they are really into you, and into continuing to date you, they will at least offer to pay. If they don't, consider their values, and if you want to continue to see them. The woman I'm currently seeing, insisted on paying for our third date. I agreed to split it with her, since we were both on it. AND she still wants to see me again Honestly, I'm glad she did that. It shows that she cares about me for more than just free dinners and stuff. I'd seriously questions someones interest if they never offered to pay for anything.
Mascara Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 For the first couple of dates, make them low cost and expect to pay. After that, it should be 50/50. I dislike splitting bills, so me and my boyfriend alternate who pays. I think that's a better way of doing things as you feel like you're still treating each other without a disparity of costs. We earn roughly the same though. I did date someone a while back who was very wealthy, and I just couldn't afford to pay for the places he liked to go to, he had no problem paying though, so I let him since he didn't want to go to cheaper places. My pet hate is someone who will pick a restaurant with no regard to whether their date can afford it, and expect to split. It's not a conversation I want to have in early dating, so if you do want to go Dutch, assume she can't afford to split a $130 dinner. 2
pickflicker Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 If you can't afford to date, then don't date. But that goes for women too. I always offer. I almost always get turned down and told "oh, buy me a drink at the pub". 4
Els Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Nobody has the right to 'expect' anything of you. Do it if you want to, and don't if you don't want to.
David87 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Nobody has the right to 'expect' anything of you. Do it if you want to, and don't if you don't want to. Yep in a perfect world that how it should be.
Copelandsanity Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 LOL, don't mention expenses on a date, if you're the one asking her out. That's just bad etiquette. If being with a woman who contributes financially to dating/relationships is important to you, then only continue to date those who do. It's really that simple. 1
HappyLove Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Women shell out A LOT of money for dates. They get a new outfit, get their hair and nails done, get new shoes. The list goes on and on. So just because she's not also offering to pay for a dinner that you asked her out on doesn't mean anything she's probably spent twice that! What happened to the days of a man being a man? Whoever said men are the new women are right. Always complaining that they want to be the woman nowadays. There was a time a man would be embarrassed if he sat at dinner and his lady pulled out cash to pay. Nothing wrong if a woman wants to pay half or even the whole thing but if you have some give and take like she buys the tickets to the play or a big events. He can pay dinner. As the relationship progresses you both start chipping in in random things and not keeping tabs. 3
nomadic_butterfly Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 DING. DING. DING. A woman who gets it. It's not dating. It's prostitution. She should AT THE VERY LEAST offer to pay and the man can turn it down if he wants. She can't just sit there and watch you pay all the time. It's not right at all. Lol so a woman who is a stay at home mom is a prostitute?? Honestly I cannot take the one dimensional modes of thinking. There are way too many variables for it to be black and white as people are making it. My ex bf's mom was a stay at home mom and that's the decision she and his dad made. Some people are old school so who are you to judge and place labels based on your narrow perspective? I will say in an instance for example where there is a huge income disparity, things need to be adjusted. If the woman makes as much and/or more or the man has a higher debt, etc. then yes, very unreasonable to expect a man to pay all the time. Also if a woman never buys him anything at all, surprise him from time to time and pay, doesn't ever cook (if she can) etc., that's taking advantage. It really just depends on people, circumstances and situations. I also acknowledge some women who lack integrity serial date and a minority are just looking for a ride. It cracks me up when people act like their opinion is gospel! Anyway, money brings out this side of people. I still stand by the OP should do what makes him feel comfortable and have an open conversation with whom he dates to see if they are on the same page. I usually ask this before even a first date because I don't want to waste my time or theirs. She should at least offer to cook for you, get your favorite candies, etc. something that shows she is interested and invested. Set your own standard of what you want but have an open conversation. You have no idea what her previous relationship dynamics were so dont assume!
PegNosePete Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 What happened to the days of a man being a man? Whoever said men are the new women are right. Always complaining that they want to be the woman nowadays. There was a time a man would be embarrassed if he sat at dinner and his lady pulled out cash to pay. There was also a time where a woman was not allowed into a bar, and any who did enter were labelled whores. There was a time when women had to stay in the kitchen and were not allowed careers. There was a time when women could not be clergy, could not vote, could not show their skin in public. So you're want equality in all things, you want equal pay, equal employment rights, equal representation in workplaces, company boards of directors, congress... but you still expect the man to foot the bill for dinner? What happened to equality? 2
HappyLove Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 There was also a time where a woman was not allowed into a bar, and any who did enter were labelled whores. There was a time when women had to stay in the kitchen and were not allowed careers. There was a time when women could not be clergy, could not vote, could not show their skin in public. So you're want equality in all things, you want equal pay, equal employment rights, equal representation in workplaces, company boards of directors, congress... but you still expect the man to foot the bill for dinner? What happened to equality? Please! Exactly, and during all those times men never belly ached and cried over his date paying for him to eat! What happened?
Copelandsanity Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I understand where the OP is coming from. I also live in a high cost-of-living city. Going on a simple date can run close to $100 or more. Even if you're in the upper middle-class, dating can be a financial strain. You just need to be more selective with whom you date. You can tell early on what you're dealing with: giver vs. taker, low vs. high maintenance, generous/thoughtful vs. entitled/selfish. 1
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