SpiralOut Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 We aren't serious yet. We've met up once, have plans to meet again this weekend, and we talk about 3-4 days a week. Anyway, he has this habit of complaining about his job. He is taking steps to get something different, which is good. He is job-searching and has had several interviews. He is learning to drive since some jobs require him to drive a car. I'm glad that he's employed and that he's taking steps towards fixing his situation, but he complains SO MUCH. He often says the same sentences over and over. I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but it puts me into a bad mood, to the point where I feel worse after talking to him. I don't want to be a sounding board that he directs his rants at. I have dropped hints by saying things like "it's probably better to not think about it so much." He'll agree with me then go back to complaining. Is there something that I can say to him? Or should I see this as an indicator of his personality, which will continue for the rest of his life? I need to be with someone who can manage his stress appropriately. The occasional rant is fine but this is too much, especially since I am still getting to know him. I am considering cancelling our date.
90s kid Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I'm guilty of complaining about my work problems as well. I have to check myself sometimes so I don't come across as a Debbie downer. He's probably not doing it on purpose. If you like him, then I would suggest gently mentioning it. Or try saying something like "Let's not talk about work anymore." Every time he brings it up, playfully remind him that there's no work talk allowed. 2
Author SpiralOut Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 When I talk to him tomorrow I'll tell him I don't want to talk about his work anymore unless something major happens. I'll see how that conversation goes.
FitChick Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 When I talk to him tomorrow I'll tell him I don't want to talk about his work anymore unless something major happens. I'll see how that conversation goes. A better way might be to say, "I know you're unhappy with your job situation right now, but it really stresses me out when you talk about it all the time because there is nothing I can do to help you. Would you please not talk about it any more?" 1
amaysngrace Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Yuck! If he's repeating things over and over again this early on then he's a total bore. He sounds really negative too. I could not hang with that. 1
Author SpiralOut Posted March 15, 2014 Author Posted March 15, 2014 So I ended up not needing to tell him anything. We talked Thursday and he didn't really complain. I met up with him tonight and he kept it to a minimum too. PROBLEM, is something he told me over the phone this week. I've been having serious doubts about him every since he told me that he doesn't eat very well but he tries to. He made it sound as though he is interested in exercising, but I don't think he actually does any. I cook and eat healthy food and I stay fairly active. I made that very clear from the beginning and also made it clear I want a guy who takes care of himself. He also told me that he smokes pot sometimes. I'm not anti-drugs or anything, but I felt instantly turned off. It reminds me too much of my ex who did things like eat cereal for dinner and then got high. I felt extremely uncomfortable tonight. I can't look at him the same way anymore. I should have just cancelled it. I didn't have the guts to tell him I'm not interested, so now I'll have to tell him on the phone next time we talk.
Michael91 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Is there something that I can say to him? Or should I see this as an indicator of his personality, which will continue for the rest of his life? I need to be with someone who can manage his stress appropriately. The occasional rant is fine but this is too much, especially since I am still getting to know him. Most likely it will last forever or at least for years. Either accept it or else find someone else.
WP4046 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 We aren't serious yet. We've met up once, have plans to meet again this weekend, and we talk about 3-4 days a week. Anyway, he has this habit of complaining about his job. He is taking steps to get something different, which is good. He is job-searching and has had several interviews. He is learning to drive since some jobs require him to drive a car. I'm glad that he's employed and that he's taking steps towards fixing his situation, but he complains SO MUCH. He often says the same sentences over and over. I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but it puts me into a bad mood, to the point where I feel worse after talking to him. I don't want to be a sounding board that he directs his rants at. I have dropped hints by saying things like "it's probably better to not think about it so much." He'll agree with me then go back to complaining. Is there something that I can say to him? Or should I see this as an indicator of his personality, which will continue for the rest of his life? I need to be with someone who can manage his stress appropriately. The occasional rant is fine but this is too much, especially since I am still getting to know him. I am considering cancelling our date. I just hung up on some girl for complaining about her job lol I mean why the hell am I going to hold the phone and talk to a person who is upset and doesn't show any signs of moving on from the topic? I let her get her frustration out and thought we would move to something else and she just still seemed upset so i had to make up a reason to end the conversation because I am interested in that type of friday night conversation lol
WP4046 Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 A better way might be to say, "I know you're unhappy with your job situation right now, but it really stresses me out when you talk about it all the time because there is nothing I can do to help you. Would you please not talk about it any more?" I think that would lead to an argument
Tiger Lily Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 Sometimes the things that annoy us about others are the things that annoy us most about ourselves.
pickflicker Posted March 15, 2014 Posted March 15, 2014 I went on a few dates with a guy who opened every conversation with bitching about work, or that he had a hangover. Hence, why we only had a few dates...
Recommended Posts