gretta Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 I've been dating a divorced man for a few months - he has a kid with his ex and he is very active in his childs life. The kid part of the equation doesn't matter to me (it does, but not in the negative). I've just never dated someone in this situation before - I feel like I'm kidna "sharing" him with another woman. She calls him almost daily to talk about their kid and keeps asking questions about me, and now that he is seeing someone seriously she wants to get back together with him. Then she got tickets for him to take their kid to this program and the day before it was going to happen she said, "Oh, I got three tickets so the three of us could go together - I don't want to miss out on this either!" He was upset about it and asked me how I felt about the situation and I told him that it was more important for him to be their for his child than to worry about my feelings - so he went (and said that was the *last* time something like that would ever happen)- and I have to admit, I felt weird about it and now I'm feeling weird about the whole ex factor in general. I know that he has to keep some sort of relationship with her because of their child and the shared custody, but it makes me uncomfortable knowing that she wants him back (although this was a recent thing .... they have been divorced for almost 2 years - she has a child with another man even!). Any advice would be welcome - I've never been in this situation and he is a great guy!
kittysmack Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 Has his ex seen you two together as a couple? The two of you need to confront her as a unified front. That's the only way she is going to back off. Why don't you talk to your man about this and then send her an invitation to have dinner with the two of you. He should show his support for you and let her know that you two are a committed couple that she will not come between. Hopefully, the humiliation of looking like a fool will cure her of her game playing. Good Luck
lilmoma1973 Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 Hey Gretta, Hi am a stepmom of a 14 yr old and speaking of on behalf of my experience it only gets worst as the relationship progress.. the ex feels threaten that you are trying to take her place so she doesn't want her ex to find someone.. she will do whatever it takes to try and cause conflict with you and your so and also with ss .. so get out while you can unless you are ready for a long and winding road!! my ss is 14 and i have been with him since he was 2.. on our wedding day she called to ask my h was he happy with being married !! we wasn't even married a 1yr and he left me and turned to her.. i never thought he would ever do that to me .. but he did .. we got back together after 6mths and she was mad that he chose me over her again!! ss lives with us and every since we got back together ,it has been the hardest thing to know that i will still have to deal with the woman he cheated on me and she is a nasty skank.. she made sure she made our first yr of marriage hell!! she knew what she was doing and it worked.. i can say it is your decision but be careful never trust her!! always keep your enemy closer than friends .. she will try to seduce him if she already hasn't!! your bf will feel obligated and will slip if your relationship isn't strong because of the conflict.. i understand that the father needs to spend time with the kids.. but she doesn't have to be involved why can't you go with him and do things with him... he divorced her the only thing they should share is the kids no reason why she should be in the picture tell her to move on and don't let her run all over you.. i tell my h ex off all the time and till this day she still trys to cause conflict.. so think long and hard before you leap!! i know one thing for sure i will make sure my daughter never marrys one with a child from a previous too hard to deal with and very stressful!! don't get me wrong i love my h with all my heart but dealing with the crap over the years has been very stressful and such a heartache.. watch out for the mother in law too!! she might have like her more than you and try to cause conflict too!! she pushed them back together!!!
gretta Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 wow - it's nice to get some perspective on things - other peoples input and what-not. It's just a weird situation for me to be in - I would hate to have this relationship end because of her, but I also feel really weird about her. The kid is having a birthday party next weekend - I've been invited but I'm not sure if I should go or not (it's at her house). Any input? (I'm not ready to toss in the towel yet .... but won't rule it out totally)
lilmoma1973 Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 Hey Gretta, I would go if i was you.. show her she does intemediate you!! make her think you don't feel threaten.. it worked for me !! noone saying you should leave i was just giving you a little recap of what to expect with someone that has a child from previous relationship!! it isn't all fun and games.. i thought being a mom was going to be harder than being a step parent boy was i wrong!! note from moderator: please take a moment to read the LoveShack.org guidelines. Posting email addresses/AIM accounts/etc. in threads is never allowed. Thanks for your cooperation! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines
mt_joy Posted January 28, 2005 Posted January 28, 2005 I am an ex-wife. My ex and I have a young son together so we talk on the phone once every day or so. I have a bf and he has a gf. I ask tons of questions about this new gf because she is also taking care of my son. He doesn't want me to meet her, more than just in passing. I keep suggesting a dinner with all 4 of us, but he is reluctant. We rarely do things together as parents. We did go to our son's dr. appt. together. There will be things that we will both have to be at. My bf doesn't mind because he knows my ex and he knows I would never want to be with a lying, cheating man ever again. As for the new gf, even my ex tells me I'm prettier and sexier and have a better body than she does. He told me that she is jealous of me because she's overweight and I'm a size 5. I'm not bragging or anything (why would I?) but I think this is the reason why he keeps us apart. I know he still has feelings for me and he doesn't want the gf to see them. You need to talk to him and to HER. Tell her that you love him and you love their child. Maybe she is worried that you are going to hurt her ex or the child. Maybe she is being given reason to act this way. Is he leading her on? You never know. Find out now before it's too late. Joy MT Student
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