natalieg Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) At this time in my life, i am not very stable as in emotional stability. But a year and 4 months ago, i met someone. He changed my life in many ways. He came to my rescue and was my knight in shining armor. it was an online relationship so it was all emotional. after 5 months of talking he came to visit me, and i was so scared but i accepted his visit and that was the first time i actually went on a date, keep in mind i am old . That was the happiest day of my life since my daughters birth. He became my inspiration my light and my hope. I never told him that but he was all those things and more. In my past i had bad luck with men, i had a bad marriage and a bad relationship after that, both left me scared pretty bad. So anyone that got close i would push away. Its like i get mad when i feel i love someone. This someone got closer to me than anyone ever has. He had my heart in his hands. But i have this defense mechanism that reacts to lose of control, and i was losing control of my heart. I did not know what it mean but now i do, it meant i was in love and since i did not know what real love was, i pushed it away more than once with him. He came back pleading every time and i would go back woith him, because to me it was proof he loved me. Through the whole relationship we had out ups and downs, he has his flaws and i have mine. But i would call him on his never realizing that his flaws are the same as mine. His flaws were my flaws and he never called me on mine, Because he loved me so much. He did a lot for me, he treated me like a queen every time he came to visit it was a 3 hour drive, he did not care he loved me do much and i never told him that i appreciated him. Early on in the relationship he told me these word " I will never give up on you" and i think i may have taken advantage of that. Because he wont come back this time. He said that he still loves me very much, but i keep pushing him away and he has feelings to. I dont know how to express to him that I understand now and that i am truly sorry for the way i acted the past few months. He does not want to talk to me right now its been a couple days. I dont know what to do because i am devastated and i dont want to contact him and anger him anymore. I love him and i believe in my heart he is the one. I just did not realize what i had done, until i read back all the messages and posts i saw on his profile last night that he needed me to be there for him. and i failed. I dont know if he will ever come back to me. What can i do? Edited March 12, 2014 by natalieg adding title
DontBreakEven Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 It sounds like you have Borderline Personality disorder. I mean I'm not your doctor, but you need to get in therapy over your intimacy issues.
Kopite Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 I agree with the above post. It's really nice that you've seen your mistakes natalie but this won't change anything if you don't deal with your own problems first. Try and work on your intimacy issues because you will only make him hate you when you get back together and you push him away again.
Author natalieg Posted March 13, 2014 Author Posted March 13, 2014 Yes i am actually seeing someone for that issue its not personality disorder but its another issue, I will work on myself. thank you for the responses, He has contacted me but i have not contacted him back i do not know if that was the right thing, but i feel he is still angry and hurt, and i rather not speak to him in those conditions. I rather it be when we are both in a stable emotional state. if i am wrong please give me your opinions.
flightplan Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 In my past i had bad luck with men, i had a bad marriage and a bad relationship after that, both left me scared pretty bad. So anyone that got close i would push away. Its like i get mad when i feel i love someone. This someone got closer to me than anyone ever has. He had my heart in his hands. But i have this defense mechanism that reacts to lose of control, and i was losing control of my heart. I did not know what it mean but now i do, it meant i was in love and since i did not know what real love was, i pushed it away more than once with him. Man, I thought you were my ex for a second. This is exactly what happened with my ex, except she couched it in religious reasons for the split. She had a bad marriage and bad relationships and a father who never gave her love or attention. I brought this very issue up during our split and it made her angry, which means, I hit a nerve. She pushed me away, even after admitting she was falling in love with me... Even though I hurt, I would never entertain the idea of getting back with my ex until she seriously tackled this issue. Like someone else said, you got to deal with this before you even remotely consider reconciling with him.
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