brittneyfoster Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 The guy that I have been dating for the last 5-6 months told me yesterday that he things that I have done like telling him that I wanted to cut him off for something's that I didn't like made him fall back. However, I have felt a way about our "relationship" simply because he has stated on several occasions that he was not ready for a serious relationship...he didn't know where things would go..and most recently it was "I don't know. I don't know. I just know that I'm not ready right now, and I don't know when I'm going to be ready." He has told me on several occasions that he is exclusive with me, but he is just isn't ready. He told me that sometimes the little things that we disagree or argue over are is the primary reason that he doesn't have a girlfriend right now because he doesn't want to deal with the drama of it. So I asked him what does he want to do, and he says "I don't know. We can still chill. It's whatever. Wanna go get something to eat tonight?". It's confusing because he told me that certain things make push away some, but he's never stopped calling or texting. In fact, the other day...we had a little discussion, and he went out of his way to show me screen shots, then texted me for days after that. He even called me at like 5 am on Sunday morning...I guess to see what I was doing. He has acted like a boyfriend...huge and beautiful Valentine's together and also not really liking other guys around. How can you claim me at a club on a Saturday night but a week later still "not be ready for a relationship"? Overall, I am growing tired of the confusion. He acts one way. Says something else. Says that some of the things that I do push him away...but continues to call and text like normal...even explaining himself....even saying in the same breath...."But we can still chill. Wanna go out for food tonight?" ?! The only thing I have asked of him is to give me some idea of what the end goal would be because at 6 months...you don't have to be ready, but you at least should know what you want from a person. I do hold myself responsible for things that I have done...but I still just feel like he's wasting my time whether things are good between us or we are going through something. My question is...now what do I do?
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 6 months is enough time for him to figure out if the relationship is going to evolve or not. If staying in limbo is not for you, tell him. And then based on what he thinks, you take it or leave it. Just have a conversation about it. Explain yourself and what you'd like out of the relationship but don't back him into a corner or come off too aggressive. Though I would think that after dating a girl for 6 months and if I didn't want to be official with her that would mean I'm not that into her.
Author brittneyfoster Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 6 months is enough time for him to figure out if the relationship is going to evolve or not. If staying in limbo is not for you, tell him. And then based on what he thinks, you take it or leave it. Just have a conversation about it. Explain yourself and what you'd like out of the relationship but don't back him into a corner or come off too aggressive. Though I would think that after dating a girl for 6 months and if I didn't want to be official with her that would mean I'm not that into her. Yeah, even if you are not ready at 6 months...you at least should be able to say "I'm not ready, but I can't make a promise about anything but I could see myself with you." He and I have had a couple of conversations about where this is going, and his answer is always the same...so at this point I'm not going to ask anymore.
theediblewoman Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Well stop thinking about what he wants. What do YOU want? If you want an exclusive relationship where you are his gf, tell him that. If he says he's not ready or acts all wishy washy then walk away. In my experience when people are into each other, things fall into place pretty easily.If he's not willing to make a decision for himself or be honest with you about his intentions,he's not going to make much of a boyfriend anyway. 1
movingbackwards Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 He wants you but he doesn't want the full commitment. I get it; I'm in the same boat. For me I just got out of a 5 year almost a year ago. I don't want to meet families or start staying the night every night. I don't want to be fully invested right now. I want nothing that comes from a full blown relationship. That's just my personal preference at the moment. However, I don't "claim" the girl I'm sort of seeing right now. She can do whatever she wants. What I see yourself doing here is setting up for disappointment. He doesn't want it obviously or he wouldn't avoid the question. He has made it very clear. Figure out what you want from your relationship or move on.
Author brittneyfoster Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 He wants you but he doesn't want the full commitment. I get it; I'm in the same boat. For me I just got out of a 5 year almost a year ago. I don't want to meet families or start staying the night every night. I don't want to be fully invested right now. I want nothing that comes from a full blown relationship. That's just my personal preference at the moment. However, I don't "claim" the girl I'm sort of seeing right now. She can do whatever she wants. What I see yourself doing here is setting up for disappointment. He doesn't want it obviously or he wouldn't avoid the question. He has made it very clear. Figure out what you want from your relationship or move on. What do you mean? What I want is hope that we might have a future together even if he's not ready for it now. I like him. I want to be with him, but what more can I do?
Author brittneyfoster Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 Well stop thinking about what he wants. What do YOU want? If you want an exclusive relationship where you are his gf, tell him that. If he says he's not ready or acts all wishy washy then walk away. In my experience when people are into each other, things fall into place pretty easily.If he's not willing to make a decision for himself or be honest with you about his intentions,he's not going to make much of a boyfriend anyway. So true...right now we are in an exclusive relationship but I am NOT his girlfriend...and that's why I'm in such confusion and turmoil.
deathandtaxes Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 So true...right now we are in an exclusive relationship but I am NOT his girlfriend...and that's why I'm in such confusion and turmoil. You are his girlfriend, even if he doesn't label it as such. If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it's not a damn dog. Exclusivity makes you a bf/gf couple. Do you want the label? Or do you want something more out of the relationship? At six months in, you should know where you want to take the relationship. If you're happy with the way things are, chill out. Enjoy going out and being exclusive.
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