Sparky9 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Quick recap... About 6 months ago, my ex found out that I had been unfaithful. We went to counseling for a couple months, and she ultimately decided she could take the pain and left me. I was devastated, bit accepted that my actions were the reason for it. She immediately moved on with someone else to help manage her pain. It was hard to take at first, but I feel I have pretty well gotten over it. She just moved in with him a week and a half ago. I have taken steps to make my situation better...buying a house, which is a bit stressful...work has been pretty slow so far this year. I get to spend lots of time with my kids, and I have just finally branched out in the last week or so, to try to meet new people. Well, I got a message from my ex yesterday asking If I ever thought about getting together again. Said she has been thinking about it a lot, and thinks it would be better for the kids. I replied to her, and said it wasn't a decision that was to be made for children...knowing it would be much better for them. My ex and I rarely ever fought, and overall had a very low stress relationship. Not sure what to do...I honestly don't think she will be able to trust me again
frigginlost Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Quick recap... About 6 months ago, my ex found out that I had been unfaithful. We went to counseling for a couple months, and she ultimately decided she could take the pain and left me. I was devastated, bit accepted that my actions were the reason for it. She immediately moved on with someone else to help manage her pain. It was hard to take at first, but I feel I have pretty well gotten over it. She just moved in with him a week and a half ago. I have taken steps to make my situation better...buying a house, which is a bit stressful...work has been pretty slow so far this year. I get to spend lots of time with my kids, and I have just finally branched out in the last week or so, to try to meet new people. Well, I got a message from my ex yesterday asking If I ever thought about getting together again. Said she has been thinking about it a lot, and thinks it would be better for the kids. I replied to her, and said it wasn't a decision that was to be made for children...knowing it would be much better for them. My ex and I rarely ever fought, and overall had a very low stress relationship. Not sure what to do...I honestly don't think she will be able to trust me again You gave the best answer you could possibly give; it's not a decision to be made based on the kids. Sounds like you have your head on straight, but let her decide on whether or not she could trust you. Take things slow and see how it pans out... A close friend of mine went through the same thing as you and he and his ex have been together again for 4 strong years and have not looked back once.
devilish innocent Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Trust can be rebuilt after an affair. It just takes a lot of work over a long period of time. I assume you'd intend to be faithful in the future if you got back together. If so, I don't see what you have to lose. Show her that you're ready to do what it takes. Start reading books on recovering from affairs. Go to couple's counseling. Give her free access to all your accounts from now on. Open up to her about any questions she has about the affair. Be patient with her as she works through her feelings and learns to trust again. It often takes years to overcome cheating, but it can be done. That is, of course, if you believe she's worth it. If you're unsure, then she deserves somebody better.
AlphaC Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 (edited) Quick recap... About 6 months ago, my ex found out that I had been unfaithful. We went to counseling for a couple months, and she ultimately decided she could take the pain and left me. I was devastated, bit accepted that my actions were the reason for it. She immediately moved on with someone else to help manage her pain. It was hard to take at first, but I feel I have pretty well gotten over it. She just moved in with him a week and a half ago. I have taken steps to make my situation better...buying a house, which is a bit stressful...work has been pretty slow so far this year. I get to spend lots of time with my kids, and I have just finally branched out in the last week or so, to try to meet new people. Well, I got a message from my ex yesterday asking If I ever thought about getting together again. Said she has been thinking about it a lot, and thinks it would be better for the kids. I replied to her, and said it wasn't a decision that was to be made for children...knowing it would be much better for them. My ex and I rarely ever fought, and overall had a very low stress relationship. Not sure what to do...I honestly don't think she will be able to trust me again hogwash, you are 100 percent right in your subject line, the grass was not greener on the other side. Your unfaithfulness occurred well before the break up, she kept your affair in her pocket until she found another man and then let you go. Now a week after she moves in with him she is reconsidering... Dude you cheated on her, something in the relationship was not right, maybe you were bored, maybe you wanted to have multiple honeys, there is nothing wrong with that, after all, you are a man! Women say they want faithful men but what they really want is men that other women want and desire. Check out the post by Storm_Chaser on this very section (2nd chances). Women are weird, a bit crazy too. Don't take her back after she's been with this other guy, be there for your kids but keep her at a distance. My friend went through the same thing, he took his ex wife back and he couldn't sleep with her anymore. She then left for another guy, a downgrade too, she moved in with a kid who lived with his mommy, good riddance!!!! A man who cheats can, and should be, forgiven!!! A woman who cheats, well .... that's not cool man. A man who forgives a woman who cheats or dumps him is a man that will get cheated on and dumped over and over (aka A FOOL). A woman that forgives a man who cheats is a woman who loves her man, these are just my sincere observations from the LS community. I didn't make these rules, there are just my analysis from reading hundreds of posts on these boards. 90 percent of women on these boards got dumped by a man who, within a week or two, got another woman. They are crying for these men to come back. My advice, date other women, it's only fair, she shouldn't be the only one dating, hell, move in with a woman too. If your ex is serious have her work for you, have her become the woman that you don't want to cheat on. If you need me to refer to you to posts on this site that will prove my analysis just send me a PM. Lastly, read Storm_Chasers thread, she is probably the most honest woman poster here, peace!! Edited March 13, 2014 by AlphaC
EuTuBrute Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 So you are saying its ok for a man to cheat on a women but not the other way arounds....WTF is wrong with you 1
Author Sparky9 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 You gave the best answer you could possibly give; it's not a decision to be made based on the kids. Sounds like you have your head on straight, but let her decide on whether or not she could trust you. Take things slow and see how it pans out... A close friend of mine went through the same thing as you and he and his ex have been together again for 4 strong years and have not looked back once. I'm most definitely going this route. We are going to take it slow...I feel good that she initiated the contact, and genuinely says she wants to get back together. Not just breadcrumbs. The way I look at it, and taken from another post on here...I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
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