MrSchmesh Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Hey guys. So I was with this girl for 3 years she was my first love and i was hers and I can safely say that it was a happy relationship and we had our ups and downs but we genuinely felt like the relationship was something truly special and I can safely say that i truly, truly love this girl. She was thinking of the future with me and things but I was always kinda scared of the commitment so i refused to talk about it. the sex just kinda stopped after September but she blamed her contraceptive pill then 4 months ago in December things hit a whole new ball game, i was working constantly in my bar job and couldn't see her, whenever i had time off she went out to see friends and i felt that things were slipping away, we had a couple of arguments and whenever i wanted to talk she didn't and vice versa. Just after new years she told me the news that she didn't know if she wanted to be with me anymore. It hit me like a brick and i took it really, really badly. Looking back i could have fixed it there and then but i panicked and emotions took over. She asked for space so i did my best to leave it be but ended up drinking alot and sent her a number of drunken calls and paragraphs. she then asked for space so i obliged for a couple of weeks. February came round and I found out about some guy being on the case and it broke all emotional progress i had made and i once again panicked and ended up flooding her with emotional texts, begging, crying, pleading, telling her that i had changed in every way possible, which is actually true as my mindset for the future recently had a complete turn around. i went round to speak to her a few times and flooded her with my emotions and how i felt and i turned up randomly 3 times too, once with flowers, once to give something back but ended up talking to her mum and once to see her to explain every but she wasnt in. then her friend told me this last week: "She was just really unhappy Kieran. The last part of this relationship saw her feelings wilt and die, it's true she doesn't feel that way about you anymore. She always told me how unappreciated she felt, she was always wishing you gave her more attention and thought you weren't interested in conversations with her. I know you called her boring jokingly and fat, you said a lot of disrespectful things that were a laugh for you and matty but because the relationship wasn't 'all there' those things really etched away at her and pushed her away. She'd complain about you giving matty more attention and actually turning your phone off when she was trying to call and speak to you. She said she'd try arrange to see you but you'd avoid going round.. You didn't end up seeing each other for a month or something ridiculous?! The relationship completely broke down for her and at the same time all these freaks were paying her attention, all these complete strangers could be arsed with her and you couldn't be. That really annoyed her, why couldn't you be the one to text good morning? Those people were nobodies that she didn't want to talk to and had no interest in, and you were her everything and she gave you so many chances and let a lot slide but you didn't do anything. She felt completely under your thumb, she always says that- referring back to the time she begged for you back, on her knees. She really is done now and it's not fair to try and give her everything she wanted from you while you were together just because you've lost her, it doesn't work like that. You just messed up and you have to learn from this and move on. When I say give her space, I mean let her go. Concentrate on yourself and your life without her like you seemed to be doing when you were together, a relationship can't be the basis of your entire life and happiness, that's not healthy. You need to be happy in your own skin without anyone else and you can be if you'd only let go and try." now despite what that has said, a couple of things in that message are wrong, she was only unhappy for the last couple of months of the relationship not all of it and in the last few months is when things really started taking effect. after that everything just kinda clicked into place and I had an on the spot epiphany so to speak. Now I had tried everything to win her back barring 2 things at this point and the general motto of our relationship was "try everything before you try nothing" so... So these 2 things I hadn't tried were, showing her everything we ever kept about us, our "memories" so to speak, so teddies, rocks, cards, poems etc. And the other thing was NC. As I said earlier, I attempted NC but found out about this other guy and panicked and the NC went out the window. Yesterday we arranged to meet but she did it just before she was due to go out so that I had to rush slightly. I basically asked if she still had her box full of "us" and she said she did and pulled it out from under the bed. I emptied the contents onto the bed and started going through it all, at this point she was still getting ready. I pulled out a couple of things and I genuinely felt emotional, warm and happy. I asked her if she remembered them and if it made her feel anything. At this she got kinda angry and irate and started shouting saying that I couldn't force her to love me like that, I said that's not what i was doing at all. I pulled out a couple more things and said do you remember how you felt when we did this? or remember when i gave you this? she kept of saying she didn't remember and it caused nothing for her, she said that she felt nothing when she looked at those. At this i pulled over my bag and pulled out all the things she gave me and did the same and she said the same, again. I then asked why she was so angry at me and she said it was due to the fact that she had to leave me for me to realise everything and to realise how much i loved her and needed her. and she said she was so angry due to me trying so hard, flooding her phone with texts and going around her house uninvited. she said that it made her angry it pushed her further away because when shes angry she just wants people to **** off and that i should know that. i let her cool down and i asked if shed done anything else with anyone, and i asked about the other guy. she said she hadn't and that her and him were just friends. she said she knows that if she wanted to she could quite easily go out and do stuff with other guys but that's not what she wants. I stood up and went in the corner of the room and i asked her to come over, she replied by saying no i'm not touching you. i told her to just come over and she did and i pulled her in anyway and just held her for about 5 minutes and told her i was sorry for everything, she put her arms around me albeit limply but she stayed there with me for those 5 mins. at this point i said that i know that not everything in here will have brought back memories or feelings but that i wasn't trying to force her to love me again because that wasn't what i wanted, i just wanted her to remember how she once felt and remember who we were. she said she knows it wasn't a bad relationship and she was genuinely happy for a large part of it, if she wasn't it obviously wouldn't have lasted 3 years. I looked at her and i asked her if she still had anything there for me, not love just feelings, and she said that if i had asked at the start of feb she would have said yes, but after everything i did she was still angry with me right now. i asked her if she felt something again would she give me the chance to win her back, the chance to make her fall in love all over again and she said yes. she finished by saying that if i had just listened to my dad that we'd probably be back together by now. At this point she was no longer angry and seemed relatively calm, i picked up my stuff and left making sure to leave a tiny bear statue she once got me for valentines day on her desk. we went out i walked her to meet her friend and we had a small conversation whilst we walked. when she got to her friend i went home. I sent her a text asking her to go to "our" spot when ever she had a chance, which is just behind some bushes due to me wanting her to see something. Earlier that day i had gone and made a relatively large heart out of sticks and what not, in the spot we used to lay at the start of the relationship watching the stars. I asked if she could go in the next few days because i don't know how long it will stay there for. That is my story so far guys, my feelings for this girl get stronger everyday and i don't feel whole unless i'm by her side, albeit in a dream or in person. I cocked up in the relationship i know i did but i always was a stupid stubborn fool to start with. The plan with the places and the things was to try and get her to remember that our relationship wasn't all ****, I was trying to get her to remember how she once felt about me and that she might be able to feel that again, in short it was meant to give her a bit of a kick up the arse and stir a couple of things she may have forgotten about. she was unhappy with me trying to win her back and it had made her rather angry but i believed that if i had just started NC it would have been more of a "thank god hes stopped" rather than a "kinda miss that actually" I thought if i ended it on an emotional strong point it may get her thinking whilst i let her cool down. however this is where I need you guys now. its been 3 months since she left me and i'm worried that i may have left it too late. Do you think i've done the right thing? do you think there could still be something there and that i may be able to win her back? How long do you guys think i should let her cool down for before i should try again or should i even try again? was she saying everything because she was just angry or because she genuinely felt nothing? (ladies if you could give us a hand here?) next week is my birthday and she knows it and i don't know if that will spark anything, because shes obviously spent the last 3 years of that date with me and my family so.... Thanks for reading this, I know it's been a tad bit of an essay but this girl means everything to me and we both used to be able to see a future together and that's all i want right now. Also I apologise for any bad grammar in here.
thinkingofhim Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I think you should leave her alone. You've made it very clear that you desperately want her back. If she's at all interested, she can make the first move towards you. At this point, if you try any more begging, trying to get her to remember the good ol' days, etc, it will just make you look pathetic, desperate and manipulative. Women aren't attracted to pathetic, desperate and manipulative. Get your life back in order, try and regain some confidence, maybe go out on a few dates with different girls yourself.
somegoodman Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 "i let her cool down and i asked if shed done anything else with anyone, and i asked about the other guy. she said she hadn't and that her and him were just friends. she said she knows that if she wanted to she could quite easily go out and do stuff with other guys but that's not what she wants." I know its a bitter pill, but this is bull****, plain and simple. If you really believe that they are just friends then you are allowing your emotions to cloud out all traces of common sense. I'll bet you dollars for donuts that she was already romantically involved with him before she ended it with you. Its always the way it goes, its what women do and they never think there's anything wrong about it so its pointless to argue. You need to realize that you're in a sorry state as a man right now. Pining for and chasing a woman that has betrayed your trust and is currently having another man ravish her while you mope on the sidelines...its a sad state of affairs. She should be dead to you. You are the prize and she ****ed up by allowing this to happen. That's your attitude from here on out. Get angry at the situation so it motivates you to stay away from her. Do you really want her back after she's had another man's energy and goo inside her? Sorry to be so harsh but sometimes we need a good slap before we come to our senses. 1
Author MrSchmesh Posted March 14, 2014 Author Posted March 14, 2014 Hey guys, The plan now is to leave her alone for a bit to let things simmer down but I don't know what to do after that, like I don't know if I should try to initiate in a couple of weeks and just get going with a general conversation or what. It's my birthday on Monday and she knows it I don't know if that will get her thinking about me, I don't know if she even still does but like I said earlier, she said she still had feelings for me at the start of Feb and I pushed her away by clinging on. Think I might be able to turn this around? @Somegoodman The guy in question got under my skin because I became panicky, jealous and paranoid. I believe she told the truth and that's the way that it is. In all honesty I think that your reply was less than helpful even though you may just be trying to help me move on.
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