a708 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Since my experience is kinda of coming to a point where i can feel myself moving forward.. I just wanted to write a few words for anyone feeling terrible. No Contact is the best way. Keep saying that to yourself. When i started on here i was in so much denial about everything that happened in my relationship and what was going to follow. My thoughts then - Shes made a mistake, i hate this, shes confused, shes not in the right frame of mind. NC is stupid, keep her around, stay friends, i dont want to lose her. The reason i write that is because its completely changed in a months gap. My thoughts now - NC is the right thing, it sucks to begin but its the best thing. A weight was lifted off my shoulders. I said what i wanted to say in a calm but forceful way, and thats all she needs to know. If she comes back then whatever.. if she doesn't then whatever. I'm prepared. People are going to say "my situation is different" but a breakup is a breakup. They're with you or they aren't. Im writing this because i wish i had gone to NC sooner. The reason being.. he/she will then know they've lost you. It gives you the perfect platform to rebuild and mend. And then its up to him/her if they contact you. At which point the ball is in your court. If they don't come back, you're already a good amount of time down the road to recovery. ---- I understand the denial phase. Its shocking. Someone that was in your life has just gone. Well now its time for you to go from theirs. Do whatever you need to do... Change your look etc whatever you need to feel positive. Personally for me.. I started reading the books that i had read before i was with the girl. I was reading all things to boost my confidence. When i was dumped and its the same for others.. my confidence was torn, i felt like Sh*t. You have to do whatever you can to get back to the happy go lucky person you were before this sh*t storm happened. And then make changes to improve. Aim for better. I understand i am just repeating what has been said so many times by everyone on here. But I was not a believer of NC and honestly i didnt want to believe anything i read on here. But everyone is right.. NC is key! 11
David87 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 So I guess I was right All joke aside, NC is the only way to recover after a breakup.
Author a708 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 Without a doubt, you were right my friend. Its fine, you can act smug! 1
YouUsedtobemelclark Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Congrats on making it this far! I was browsing yesterday and came across your story. I'm glad to see you are doing so much better and that you were able to make it through some really tough times early on and stuck with NC...
iDrumKing Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I wish I hung up the phone right when I began to hear that she was breaking up with me. From that very moment I would've started NC. But no... that was before I joined this awesome community. Thanks for your help!
Author a708 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 100% agree. Wish i did the same. Thanks! Another important point following on from that though would be even if you have dragged the breakup out for a couple of weeks (like i did, stupidly), it isn't too late to go NC and it have the same effect.
iDrumKing Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 100% agree. Wish i did the same. Thanks! Another important point following on from that though would be even if you have dragged the breakup out for a couple of weeks (like i did, stupidly), it isn't too late to go NC and it have the same effect. Thankfully I'm almost 2 months NC. Am I "over" her? NO. Not by a long shot. Am I in a better place than I was a few days post break up? YES. I too dragged things out. I went through the whole, she's wrong she will regret this, she not thinking clearly I need to talk some sense into her, etc. It's all pointless. 1
jphcbpa Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 from the movie Gravity.... "I get it. It's nice up here. You can just shut down all the systems, turn out all the lights, and just close your eyes and tune out everyone. There's nobody up here that can hurt you. It's safe. I mean, what's the point of going on? What's the point of living? Your kid died. Doesn't get any rougher than that. But still, it's a matter of what you do now. If you decide to go, then you gotta just get on with it. Sit back, enjoy the ride. You gotta plant both your feet on the ground and start livin' life. Hey, Ryan? It's time to go home." 1
erklat Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I sooooo much agree with you. I foolishly broke it after my brother spew some info but luckily I was not set back a lot - I didn't get into panic mode - but it was a setback nevertheless. So I am back on track now, moved away, threw all her stuff away, deleted all our pictures from my phone, shut down the Facebook and changed my phone number. Her not being able to contact you and you knowing it helps A LOT! I am looking at another romantic prospects in life. I can't say I would say no to her but I know I will love again and be happy again. The sad depressed dude she was with no longer lives here. I am so sad I delayed NC for so long. 1
StubbornSam Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I agree 100% on NC. I think there can be small exceptions, like if you ended it on a really bad note and want to apologize, or give them your blessing. After all you don't want to be bitter at them, that doesn't help you heal. After that though, back to NC, and on to the road of recovery and self improvement.
Highlight888 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 You are so right about this! I struggle all the time and think to myself "THIS is the day I'm going to break down and contact him!! Please give me strength not to!!" But I force myself to sit through the moment and let it pass..... Even if that moment takes a good crying spell to get through. But I DO get through it. I just keep telling myself "You are better than that. Better than the transparent tex message or phone call. If he wants to be with you, you will know it. Don't think for a second that reminding him that you are here, will change anything". I've been told he needs time... to figure out his life. Then that's all I can do.. is give him the time. He knows I'm here. He knows I'm waiting. Contacting him will do nothing to help my cause. It stinks being the one in waiting but it's the only way I'm going to heal... with, or without him. Good luck with your cause as well!!!
YouUsedtobemelclark Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 You are so right about this! I struggle all the time and think to myself "THIS is the day I'm going to break down and contact him!! Please give me strength not to!!" But I force myself to sit through the moment and let it pass..... Even if that moment takes a good crying spell to get through. But I DO get through it. I just keep telling myself "You are better than that. Better than the transparent tex message or phone call. If he wants to be with you, you will know it. Don't think for a second that reminding him that you are here, will change anything". I've been told he needs time... to figure out his life. Then that's all I can do.. is give him the time. He knows I'm here. He knows I'm waiting. Contacting him will do nothing to help my cause. It stinks being the one in waiting but it's the only way I'm going to heal... with, or without him. Good luck with your cause as well!!! You shouldn't be waiting on him to decide what he wants. Move on with your life start to see new people and be happy, if he wants you he will show it someday if not it wasn't meant to be. Just never sit around waiting for them to come back 4
Highlight888 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Good response Youusedtobe.... I needed to read that as well. What is not waiting though? I am keeping myself busy....gym...friends...vacation. I guess it's just hoping. That's what I'm doing. I suppose I can't do that either because it's a potential set up for failure. "Moving on..." That's a tough phrase to actually...physically do. Pain is still there. The loss still bites at every corner. I just look very forward to the day where I'm not thinking about it. ...wishing life had a tiny fast forward button for just times like these. I know I know....this too shall pass.....sigh... 1
robtmufc Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Since my experience is kinda of coming to a point where i can feel myself moving forward.. I just wanted to write a few words for anyone feeling terrible. No Contact is the best way. Keep saying that to yourself. When i started on here i was in so much denial about everything that happened in my relationship and what was going to follow. My thoughts then - Shes made a mistake, i hate this, shes confused, shes not in the right frame of mind. NC is stupid, keep her around, stay friends, i dont want to lose her. The reason i write that is because its completely changed in a months gap. My thoughts now - NC is the right thing, it sucks to begin but its the best thing. A weight was lifted off my shoulders. I said what i wanted to say in a calm but forceful way, and thats all she needs to know. If she comes back then whatever.. if she doesn't then whatever. I'm prepared. People are going to say "my situation is different" but a breakup is a breakup. They're with you or they aren't. Im writing this because i wish i had gone to NC sooner. The reason being.. he/she will then know they've lost you. It gives you the perfect platform to rebuild and mend. And then its up to him/her if they contact you. At which point the ball is in your court. If they don't come back, you're already a good amount of time down the road to recovery. ---- I understand the denial phase. Its shocking. Someone that was in your life has just gone. Well now its time for you to go from theirs. Do whatever you need to do... Change your look etc whatever you need to feel positive. Personally for me.. I started reading the books that i had read before i was with the girl. I was reading all things to boost my confidence. When i was dumped and its the same for others.. my confidence was torn, i felt like Sh*t. You have to do whatever you can to get back to the happy go lucky person you were before this sh*t storm happened. And then make changes to improve. Aim for better. I understand i am just repeating what has been said so many times by everyone on here. But I was not a believer of NC and honestly i didnt want to believe anything i read on here. But everyone is right.. NC is key! I actually couldn't agree more with what you've written I was in the exact same boat as you we first broke up and I wanted to fix it and dragged out the process for a month but then I let it rest and she kept contacting me to 'be friends' not anything more. I found myself in a really bad place but 3 and abit weeks ago after her latest 'lets be friends' went sour I left her a voicemail saying "let me go if you dont want to be with me" and to be honest I wish I'd done NC sooner I feel alot better in myself, like you say a weight is off my shoulders now I'm concentrating on my university again and enjoying things again that a few months ago I couldnt be bothered to do. I do have the odd day where I just find myself upset about her but I was with her for 4 and a half years but hopefully I'm that bit closer to moving on from it all!
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