Author Mommame2 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 So.... What should I tell him? I will be spoiling his bday etc. I'm not a cold hearted person, but this just seems like a lot of pressure. I don't want to mislead him and he keeps texting asking me to call so "he can hear my beautiful voice".
hasaquestion Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 So.... What should I tell him? I will be spoiling his bday etc. I'm not a cold hearted person, but this just seems like a lot of pressure. I don't want to mislead him and he keeps texting asking me to call so "he can hear my beautiful voice". Should have nipped this in the bud a while ago friend. All you're doing if you don't tell him is kicking the can farther down the road. Stand up for yourself. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Now you owe me a cup of coffee to replace what just came out of my nose! Me too. I rarely laugh out loud at something on LS but this was :lmao: 1
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Based on the religiosity and the planning your future already, he sounds like a nut job. No third date lol 1
deathandtaxes Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 So.... What should I tell him? I will be spoiling his bday etc. I'm not a cold hearted person, but this just seems like a lot of pressure. I don't want to mislead him and he keeps texting asking me to call so "he can hear my beautiful voice". You tell him 'I don't see this going anywhere.' and then ignore everything he sends you.
RedRobin Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Based on your recent experiences, I'd say you need to do more work screening these guys before a meeting. Spend a couple of weeks chatting on email, follow up with a phone call or two... then and only then do you consider meeting them. You'll have far fewer problems with this kind of thing... either the Mr. Sexy Talk kind of guy you just ditched, or the over-eager type like the current one. Sure, you'll come across guys who have lied about their age or pictures doing it this way... but you'll come across a lot fewer strange or mean ones... 3
GoreSP Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Yeah for once I agree with RedRobin. It's the third guy in less than 2 weeks? ...take a little more time to get to know them....
Stay Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 This is the thing with OLD, there are a lot of people who have issues getting dates in person so they resort to online. I don't know the statistics behind it but I personally think there are a lot of weird or people who have issues dating online. However there are also a lot of great people to just doesn't have time. So you just gotta weed them out.
MissBee Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 So I have had some bizarre luck with OLD Met a guy last week who seemed so kind .. Christian. Said I didn't want to get physical right away. Etc. def used caution considering last guy. So he lives an hour away. He has driven here twice to meet me for only an hour. I told him I didn't want him to drive all this way... Considering I only had short time due to my son and work schedule. He keeps texting me about how he is giving thanks to God for meeting me. That I am the answer to his prayers. Sending me bible verses and implying that I am his gift from God. Bottom line he's a very nice man. But he keeps talking about possibly getting remarried and where we will live in 1 year etc. I have met him for dinner once and drinks the second time. He is SO into me. And I feel bad that all this texting about how he's falling for me and he sees us having a house with white picket fence...is panicking me. How of I deal with this? He's very sweet and means well. But it's just too much too soon. I would say tell him it's too much but usually people like this don't listen. I would probably have to end it. Clearly, I want someone into me but not someone who is overzealous and clingy and planning our lives when we've been on two dates. Being "sweet" or "nice" doesn't mean someone is right for you. I get not wanting to hurt people. I too care about that, but also I know dating if finding a good match for me and sometimes a man may be sweet and nice but not what I need/am looking for and it's best to be true about that than have it drag on and on making it even harder to end things. 2
Sunfire73 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Agree with everyone to screen these guys out before meeting. I've had guys like that and weird ones (clingy, overzealous, sugardaddies etc) too, and I'm afraid to meet them, so the more you get to know them before you meet (with emails and phone calls) the better. 1
Babolat Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 So I have had some bizarre luck with OLD Met a guy last week who seemed so kind .. Christian. Said I didn't want to get physical right away. Etc. def used caution considering last guy. So he lives an hour away. He has driven here twice to meet me for only an hour. I told him I didn't want him to drive all this way... Considering I only had short time due to my son and work schedule. He keeps texting me about how he is giving thanks to God for meeting me. That I am the answer to his prayers. Sending me bible verses and implying that I am his gift from God. Bottom line he's a very nice man. But he keeps talking about possibly getting remarried and where we will live in 1 year etc. I have met him for dinner once and drinks the second time. He is SO into me. And I feel bad that all this texting about how he's falling for me and he sees us having a house with white picket fence...is panicking me. How of I deal with this? He's very sweet and means well. But it's just too much too soon. Man here, and I have dated "this type of girl" before, or at least tried to. End it now, it will only get worse, he will get more clingy, more needy, and in my case she started to stalk me.
Allumere Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Lights flashing..."Extreme Caution!" Listen to your gut/conscience: "This is just a little too much, too fast." Agreed While we can't make a conslusive decision on what is doing on, since it's only been two dates, we can certainly say that this is too much, too fast. I have also seen patterns like this that don't end well. It doesn't mean that it's all like this, but you will quickly find out. As you're wanting to slow down, once you take a step back and communicate your need to slow down, you will find out some important things about him depending on his response. Whether it's with this guy or another, it is vitally important to see their character in various settings and through all four seasons before becoming serious. It is essential to find out from family, friends, and coworkers what they think of the guy, both his and yours. As you're Christian, and so am I, I will be praying for God to grant you wisdom and discretion. Remember, a Christian man that is following the Lord, will put you before himself and will respect your needs and wishes and will be patient in waiting for you. Please send updates; I wish you all the best I'd also say that an over-zealous Christian is a red-flag as well. I'd question whether he was "new" or I would start taking the constant references as being TOO much of a show. Why not try doing something "christian" together where those conversations would be appropriate...meet for services at church or a bible study group...then offset that with a fun activity date to get a gauge of his intentions.
Babolat Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) A little OT, but I'm curious to hear what others think. I re-enabled my OLD profile Monday not to look, but so someone could look at it. I left it enabled out of curiosity. Not sure why, but I am getting a lot of activity/messages from when it was enabled in the Fall. One, in particular said she is more of a face to face person, do I want to meet for coffee. Great profile, very attractive. Another one Instant Messaged me last night, same thing, great profile, said she noticed me and wanted to say Hi, and maybe meet. Then there are the ones who want to chat forever. I have one who has sent me pages and pages every night. Well written, well spoken, but it almost feels like too much. I don't think we can say one shoe size fits all. So, how does one filter based on "how much time to chat before we meet". I usually give it a couple of weeks, but, thinking on it, why pass on a potential great match if they ask to meet, sooner? Or, maybe they opt out because you are taking too long? I met my ex gf on Match; we messaged for about 2 weeks before I asked to meet her. Once dating, we talked about this; she said she was wondering when I was going to ask, and waiting for me to. Edited March 12, 2014 by Babolat
Author Mommame2 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 I told him that I just wasn't ready to go that fast in a relationship. He was pretty upset ... Saying I was the girl he was really excited about and he thought he had lost those feelings for someone. He said that he could try to take things slower but that he could easily fall in love with me and if that scares me... And I'm not ready for it... He thinks it's best to part ways now. I haven't responded to that message yet. He appears to be a really great guy.. So I'm feeling really bad about kicking him to the curb all together. But it sounds like fast is his only speed... Thoughts? I'd also say that an over-zealous Christian is a red-flag as well. I'd question whether he was "new" or I would start taking the constant references as being TOO much of a show. Why not try doing something "christian" together where those conversations would be appropriate...meet for services at church or a bible study group...then offset that with a fun activity date to get a gauge of his intentions.
FitChick Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Offer to spend the DAY with him at a place halfway between your two places. Ask him to research things to do in the area -- historical site, museum, local festival, tourist spot, etc. That way you won't be at either of your houses where Satan will tempt you to commit a mortal sin. 1
FitChick Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 how does one filter based on "how much time to chat before we meet". The farther away, the longer you should chat. It saves time and money in the long run.
GemmaUK Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Run quickly. What he said! I'm not kidding! I dated a guy who was all into moving in within weeks and he had ideas of the house and location and a dog and my job and my clothes and my earrings and my company seminars...long story! He was a controller. Get away from this guy.
Gaeta Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I told him that I just wasn't ready to go that fast in a relationship. He was pretty upset ... Saying I was the girl he was really excited about and he thought he had lost those feelings for someone. He said that he could try to take things slower but that he could easily fall in love with me and if that scares me... And I'm not ready for it... He thinks it's best to part ways now. I haven't responded to that message yet. He appears to be a really great guy.. So I'm feeling really bad about kicking him to the curb all together. But it sounds like fast is his only speed... Thoughts? He's just confirmed to you he's a TOTAL nut case!!A controller and manipulator !! Do not respond to him ever again. Listen, whats the one common denominator with serial killers? ALL their neighbors said they looked like really great guys. THIS is NOT a sweet guy! You wast too much times on those crackpots ! You need to kick them to the curb much much faster!
HappyLove Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 A little OT, but I'm curious to hear what others think. I re-enabled my OLD profile Monday not to look, but so someone could look at it. I left it enabled out of curiosity. Not sure why, but I am getting a lot of activity/messages from when it was enabled in the Fall. One, in particular said she is more of a face to face person, do I want to meet for coffee. Great profile, very attractive. Another one Instant Messaged me last night, same thing, great profile, said she noticed me and wanted to say Hi, and maybe meet. Then there are the ones who want to chat forever. I have one who has sent me pages and pages every night. Well written, well spoken, but it almost feels like too much. I don't think we can say one shoe size fits all. So, how does one filter based on "how much time to chat before we meet". I usually give it a couple of weeks, but, thinking on it, why pass on a potential great match if they ask to meet, sooner? Or, maybe they opt out because you are taking too long? I met my ex gf on Match; we messaged for about 2 weeks before I asked to meet her. Once dating, we talked about this; she said she was wondering when I was going to ask, and waiting for me to. I think as soon as your comfortable enough with that person you should meet for coffee. If you have to put it in numbers I'd say a week of emails then a phone call, because trust me once you hear the voice that could be a turnoff. And if all went well meet for only coffee nothing longer or too committed if you like them and they look and act like what they say then invite out for a date.
HappyLove Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 He's just confirmed to you he's a TOTAL nut case!!A controller and manipulator !! Do not respond to him ever again. Listen, whats the one common denominator with serial killers? ALL their neighbors said they looked like really great guys. THIS is NOT a sweet guy! You wast too much times on those crackpots ! You need to kick them to the curb much much faster! You hit the nail in the head again. His response was very manipulative. 1
Author Mommame2 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 Yeah and he just texted me asking for an "honest answer". Saying who are you always messaging on FB? He said I text you and you don't respond right away but then I see you on FB in active status. Ummmm. Now it's just crazy. Dinner and one drink. And now he wants to know what I'm doing on FB?!
MidwestUSA Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Yeah and he just texted me asking for an "honest answer". Saying who are you always messaging on FB? He said I text you and you don't respond right away but then I see you on FB in active status. Ummmm. Now it's just crazy. Dinner and one drink. And now he wants to know what I'm doing on FB?! He's WAY out of line with this. He has NO need to know what you're doing or who you're talking to. And you should tell him exactly this. Block him. You don't owe him any explanation.
GoreSP Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Yeah and he just texted me asking for an "honest answer". Saying who are you always messaging on FB? He said I text you and you don't respond right away but then I see you on FB in active status. Ummmm. Now it's just crazy. Dinner and one drink. And now he wants to know what I'm doing on FB?! Wow. Run. far. now. 2
TAV Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Yeah and he just texted me asking for an "honest answer". Saying who are you always messaging on FB? He said I text you and you don't respond right away but then I see you on FB in active status. Ummmm. Now it's just crazy. Dinner and one drink. And now he wants to know what I'm doing on FB?! Get away from this man and DO NOT let him know where you live. I expect him to be a pain to get rid of but please try even if you have to change phone numbers etc. Has nacist and control freak written all over him.
Gaeta Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Yeah and he just texted me asking for an "honest answer". Saying who are you always messaging on FB? He said I text you and you don't respond right away but then I see you on FB in active status. Ummmm. Now it's just crazy. Dinner and one drink. And now he wants to know what I'm doing on FB?! wow! just wow! I would have SO MUCH fun with this man! He wouldn't know what hit him!! 1
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