SoundedPlum Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) We were together for two years, and we broke up 2.5 weeks ago. He really wanted to go somewhere for our birthdays coming up, but we never got around to booking it because we suddenly broke up. A week after the break up, he asked if I wanted to go on a trip. So, he ended up booking the vacation and...here I am. I'm getting anxious and wondering if I'm just an idiot. Very brief overview: We began fighting and after sulking for two days after one explosive argument, he said we need to talk. He broke up with me and said he's sick of fighting and feels like nothing has changed since the last break or two we had (none lasted for more than 24-48 hours). Each break was due to us bickering and stressing each other out. He said we got into a cycle of automatically thinking we'll get back together, so we never truly changed and solved our issues. He said if he doesn't put his foot down, we'll just take each other for granted and continue fighting. He mentioned that ultimately, he wants to get back together and be stronger than before, and the "best outcome" would be that we are able to work things out, but the only way to do so is if we have space and are apart for a little bit (is this contradicting?). He felt like the road we were going down was toxic and if we didn't slam the brakes on, we would end up hating each other instead of working on our issues. A little more information: We are still listed as "In a relationship" on Facebook and his profile picture is still of us (OK, maybe social media doesn't really mean much), I kept his house key (he told me to keep it and I am welcome over any time), he said he wouldn't tell his mom we broke up (she lives with him), he has suggested some date ideas in the future, we hung out around our mutual friends and he orders all my favorite food/drinks for me (I always thought this was cute) and made it a point for us to show up together and leave together (taking the same car, with him driving). This all feels like an effort on his part to take things slowly... Or maybe I'm grasping at straws or looking for signs that don't exist. Since it's only been 2 weeks apart, I don't expect him to explicitly say: "Let's get back together". To me, that's adding pressure to a delicate situation, but I could be wrong. I'm making a conscious effort to be patient and distance myself from him in the meantime. We both hurt each other in different ways, and right now, we are in limited contact. Would any of you even consider going on a vacation with an ex, much less a birthday vacation? Is this considered "working things out"? I guess I just wanted some input and an unbiased sounding board. Trying to prepare myself for the worst, but all this must mean something...right? Or am I BLINDLY trying to convince myself that all these signs point to him wanting me back? Edited March 12, 2014 by SoundedPlum
pickflicker Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 If he wanted to be with you, why did he break up with you? Why are you sitting around waiting for him to call all the shots? 1
Author SoundedPlum Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 If he wanted to be with you, why did he break up with you? Why are you sitting around waiting for him to call all the shots? Not sure if it's just me, but I don't think it's as easy as, "If they loved you, they wouldn't break up with you". Sometimes it is a necessary step, which I believe is the case here (or I could just be making excuses for him). But I appreciate your input. I don't know why I'm sitting around waiting for him to call the shots. I guess I am still in love with him and want us to work things out.
KaliLove Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Did it. Got completely boned afterwards. Don't go.
Author SoundedPlum Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 Did it. Got completely boned afterwards. Don't go. Could you elaborate? What happened?
pickflicker Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Not sure if it's just me, but I don't think it's as easy as, "If they loved you, they wouldn't break up with you". Sometimes it is a necessary step, which I believe is the case here (or I could just be making excuses for him). But I appreciate your input. I don't know why I'm sitting around waiting for him to call the shots. I guess I am still in love with him and want us to work things out. Hehe...yes it is. I'm sorry. But "breaking up" should not be used as a motivator to get your sh*t together in a relationship and that is exactly what your ex appears to be doing. So no, I think getting back with your ex and going on vacation with him is not a good idea. "Necessary" breakups happen because of affairs. Not just a case of the relationship going sour. 1
KaliLove Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Could you elaborate? What happened? Went on vacation with the ex. We had a good time but he wasn't interested in sex no matter how hard I tried. Then he dumped me again a week after we got back. Made me feel even worse than I did before we went. It was wretched. I felt a zillion times worse afterwards.
Author SoundedPlum Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 Hehe...yes it is. I'm sorry. But "breaking up" should not be used as a motivator to get your sh*t together in a relationship and that is exactly what your ex appears to be doing. So no, I think getting back with your ex and going on vacation with him is not a good idea. "Necessary" breakups happen because of affairs. Not just a case of the relationship going sour. Perhaps you're right.
Author SoundedPlum Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 Went on vacation with the ex. We had a good time but he wasn't interested in sex no matter how hard I tried. Then he dumped me again a week after we got back. Made me feel even worse than I did before we went. It was wretched. I felt a zillion times worse afterwards. Yikes My outlook on our reconciliation is getting bleaker and bleaker. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm taking all of this into consideration. I have a week or two to decide if I'm going on the trip, and as of right now, I'm still conflicted because anything can happen during the meantime. But the logical side of me is telling me "don't go".
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