Zahara Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Very unfortunate that at 21 you're already framing your life to tolerate abuse. You're breaking your self-esteem down to nothing at such an early point in your life, conditioning yourself for more destructive relationships. And if you are afraid to unfriend him because he may forget you, wouldn't that be your answer. If you have to remind someone you exist, what does that tell you. Losing him forever? What did you really have with him? A recirpocal loving relationship? No. All you had was you chasing and giving and him taking. What's so great about having that in your life? You are romanticizing what you had. The reality is that he didn't value you the way you did. We all miss talking to the ex, it was comfortable to us but it doesn't justify engaging what's unhealthy for us. 2
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 He "made" you dye your hair from brown to black? You sound very weak and pitiful, sorry to say. I'm sure you are a very nice person but you let this guy treat you like dirt and still want him back. Sounds like battered woman syndrome even if no physical abuse was involved, psychologically he's managed to turn a fragile young woman into a damaged one. You need to get some help, imo. Get some self-esteem. You won't listen to anyone here, you just keep saying you want him back and everyone here is saying why, when he doesn't value you at all and even IF you were to get him back, I am 100% sure he will continue to hurt you and do this same thing to you again. I for one am done with your thread. If you want to be self-destructive then fine but I was there long enough to have a zero tolerance to see others do it to themselves too. Let him go, get some help for your low self-worth and stop obsessing over this loser. Good luck. you know what, you are totally right about me. i am weak and i have zero selfesteem. Ive been dealing with depression since I was 13, got bullied from 7-10th grade and I have been struggling with selfharm since I was 17. So yes. I am a weak person, I know that. And I think part of the reason why it is so hard for me to let go of him even though he did not treat me right is because he knew all that about me but still loved and accepted me for who I am. He hurt me a lot, never physically even though he is into some kinky stuff but I would not count that as abuse. Anyways I guess I just see things from a different view and dont want to accept whats really going on. I dont know, sometimes I feel like Life isnt for me.
KaliLove Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 you know what, you are totally right about me. i am weak and i have zero selfesteem. Ive been dealing with depression since I was 13, got bullied from 7-10th grade and I have been struggling with selfharm since I was 17. So yes. I am a weak person, I know that. And I think part of the reason why it is so hard for me to let go of him even though he did not treat me right is because he knew all that about me but still loved and accepted me for who I am. He hurt me a lot, never physically even though he is into some kinky stuff but I would not count that as abuse. Anyways I guess I just see things from a different view and dont want to accept whats really going on. I dont know, sometimes I feel like Life isnt for me. Oh stop being so dramatic. You're not going to kill yourself and you know it. You're fishing for sympathy and attention and you're doing it in a very negative way. Quit it..you're better than that. Are you in therapy? If not, you desperately need to be. Please talk to your parents about that ASAP. It will help. Forget about this loser. He's probably already cheating on the new girl. He sounds very immature. You're a kid, you have plenty of time to meet non-abusive men, but you need to fix what's broken in you first. The image of someone 'making' someone else dye their hair makes me giggle. Did he hold a gun and a box of Clairol 34 to your head?
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 Oh stop being so dramatic. You're not going to kill yourself and you know it. You're fishing for sympathy and attention and you're doing it in a very negative way. Quit it..you're better than that. Are you in therapy? If not, you desperately need to be. Please talk to your parents about that ASAP. It will help. Forget about this loser. He's probably already cheating on the new girl. He sounds very immature. You're a kid, you have plenty of time to meet non-abusive men, but you need to fix what's broken in you first. The image of someone 'making' someone else dye their hair makes me giggle. Did he hold a gun and a box of Clairol 34 to your head? I am not fishing for sympathy and I don't remember writing something about going to kill myself. So stop judging me please. I came here for advice It's funny that you think he is immature because he would always call me out on being 8 years younger than him and not acting like an adult. The hair dyeing process wasn't as entertaining as you make it sound. I wanted to dye my hair medium brown and he took me to the store and just talked me into getting black instead of the brown color. But I like your version more lol
KaliLove Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) I am not fishing for sympathy and I don't remember writing something about going to kill myself. So stop judging me please. I came here for advice It's funny that you think he is immature because he would always call me out on being 8 years younger than him and not acting like an adult. The hair dyeing process wasn't as entertaining as you make it sound. I wanted to dye my hair medium brown and he took me to the store and just talked me into getting black instead of the brown color. But I like your version more lol Then what did you mean by "I dont know, sometimes I feel like Life isnt for me" if you weren't referring to killing yourself? Because it sure sounded like a suicide reference to me... Who's judging? I told you I think you're better than that. I also think you desperately need therapy (this is not an insult, I'm in therapy and it's been very helpful to me). Have you considered it? I think you're both immature. This is not an insult even though it might sound like one..you're 21, you're supposed to be immature..he is not. He should be past this behavior by now. He's an @ss. Edited March 12, 2014 by KaliLove
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 Then what did you mean by "I dont know, sometimes I feel like Life isnt for me" if you weren't referring to killing yourself? Because it sure sounded like a suicide reference to me... Who's judging? I told you I think you're better than that. I also think you desperately need therapy (this is not an insult, I'm in therapy and it's been very helpful to me). Have you considered it? I think you're both immature. This is not an insult even though it might sound like one..you're 21, you're supposed to be immature..he is not. He should be past this behavior by now. Ok sorry, I took your answer the wrong way. I am not in therapy, I didnt even tell my parents that he dumped me yet. I guess I am scared of what they will say to me once I tell them. Stuff like "you should have listened to us a long time ago blah blah" My parents do not like him very much, especially now that he did not send me anything for my birthday (which was a week before he dumped me) like not even a card. Yea he expected me to be on his maturity level like he wanted me to move out and live by myself and already have my degree which wouldnt even be possible because it takes four years lol stuff like that. Sometimes I wonder why he is turning 29 this year and still living his bachelor life. When I am his age I want to be married and have a family. I also think part of the reason he did not treat me right is because his dad left him and his mom when he was 2 and came back when he was 17. So maybe that has something to do with it
KaliLove Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Ok sorry, I took your answer the wrong way. I am not in therapy, I didnt even tell my parents that he dumped me yet. I guess I am scared of what they will say to me once I tell them. Stuff like "you should have listened to us a long time ago blah blah" My parents do not like him very much, especially now that he did not send me anything for my birthday (which was a week before he dumped me) like not even a card. Yea he expected me to be on his maturity level like he wanted me to move out and live by myself and already have my degree which wouldnt even be possible because it takes four years lol stuff like that. Sometimes I wonder why he is turning 29 this year and still living his bachelor life. When I am his age I want to be married and have a family. I also think part of the reason he did not treat me right is because his dad left him and his mom when he was 2 and came back when he was 17. So maybe that has something to do with it No, don't make excuses for him treating you poorly. He's just an @ss, no two ways about it. I'm sure you will be married with a family by his age..if you walk away from him, get some therapy, and find yourself a decent man (not a boy, like he is). Living by yourself doesn't make you mature, it just makes you poorer. He is acting like a horny teenager. Trust me, let him go. And get into therapy. 2
thinkingofhim Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I also think part of the reason he did not treat me right is because his dad left him and his mom when he was 2 and came back when he was 17. So maybe that has something to do with it Don't make excuses for him! He didn't treat you right because he's a loser and an ass that doesn't deserve you. Long distance relationships are hard and you did everything you could to make it work. You have a lot to give to a good guy. This guy is not a good guy, not worth any more effort or tears from you! 1
sleeplessinslc Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 He "made" you dye your hair from brown to black? You sound very weak and pitiful, sorry to say. I'm sure you are a very nice person but you let this guy treat you like dirt and still want him back. Sounds like battered woman syndrome even if no physical abuse was involved, psychologically he's managed to turn a fragile young woman into a damaged one. You need to get some help, imo. Get some self-esteem. You won't listen to anyone here, you just keep saying you want him back and everyone here is saying why, when he doesn't value you at all and even IF you were to get him back, I am 100% sure he will continue to hurt you and do this same thing to you again. I for one am done with your thread. If you want to be self-destructive then fine but I was there long enough to have a zero tolerance to see others do it to themselves too. Let him go, get some help for your low self-worth and stop obsessing over this loser. Good luck. It is funny how someone asks for advice but won't take it. Sounds like an Alanis Morisette song. I regret the time I posted in here, and did not take the advice when I said I would. I thought- why would I listen to strangers who do not know the entire story. But what I like about the advice here , even if it's from strangers - is that it's objective. They're not emotionally involved, they show no mercy but see things as is. A lot of those who comment on these threads are also much older and experienced in relationships than I am. And I'm 30ish. So please, please. We are here to help you. It's not easy to follow what's been said in here, but it is for your own good. First step is to block him off Facebook. I promise you it will be liberating and empowering. You said it yourself, this is your first relationship - not your only. So keep moving on. 1
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 It is funny how someone asks for advice but won't take it. Sounds like an Alanis Morisette song. I regret the time I posted in here, and did not take the advice when I said I would. I thought- why would I listen to strangers who do not know the entire story. But what I like about the advice here , even if it's from strangers - is that it's objective. They're not emotionally involved, they show no mercy but see things as is. A lot of those who comment on these threads are also much older and experienced in relationships than I am. And I'm 30ish. So please, please. We are here to help you. It's not easy to follow what's been said in here, but it is for your own good. First step is to block him off Facebook. I promise you it will be liberating and empowering. You said it yourself, this is your first relationship - not your only. So keep moving on. Thank you. I unfollowed him on Instagram. I'm waiting to unfriend him on Facebook. I found his new girls profile the other day and I gotta say she doesn't look pretty. The thing that bothers me is he told me he thinks tattoos and piercings are trashy on girls yet this girl is covered in both. Ugh. At least he downgraded I'm gonna unfriend him soon though
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Do it now. What are you waiting for? I wanna know what he's up to. I know it sounds psycho stalkerish but I feel like unfriending him is a big step. And I'm not sure if I'm ready to let go of him completely just yet.
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 It's immaterial whether you're ready or not. He has. His actions speak louder than words. Cut him off at the knees, and have done with it.... 1
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 It's immaterial whether you're ready or not. He has. His actions speak louder than words. Cut him off at the knees, and have done with it.... But once I unfriend him it becomes more real to me. Like what if I regret it? Then what? I'm still hoping that he's gonna come around and we can work things out so nahh unfriending him would be a little too extreme?
Survivor12 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 To answer the question in your title: No, he didnt break NC--you did by allowing him to feed you a breadcrumb by refusing to block him. Beyond that, I have nothing to offer since it doesn't seem that you're looking for advice. When you do decide that you want more for yourself than wasting precious time pining for a guy who doesn't value or care for you, we'll be here to help. 3
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 But once I unfriend him it becomes more real to me. Like what if I regret it? Then what? I'm still hoping that he's gonna come around and we can work things out so nahh unfriending him would be a little too extreme? Read Survivor12's post. You keep blocking advice and ignoring it, and making excuses. Try to get this through your head: IT'S OVER. Finished. Done. he's a jackass, and you're wasting your own precious time on this loser. Delete, block and de-facebook him completely. Other than this, it seems pointless trying to explain anything else to you.
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 But once I unfriend him it becomes more real to me. Like what if I regret it? Then what? I'm still hoping that he's gonna come around and we can work things out so nahh unfriending him would be a little too extreme? You do need to unfriend him for many many reasons. The first and the most important one is your bloody sanity!!!! You know I remember being where you are. I remember checking his Facebook every hour and although he wasn't dating anyone else, he was happy and it made me so damn angry that I was in bits crying all the time and he was happy. I didn't delete him - when the people on here told me too... I didn't listen. I regretted it. If you can't delete him personally delete your whole Facebook which is what I did. I created a new one and still use that one now. Do not sit waiting for him. Not only has he made himself VERY clear he doesn't want you Why would you want him? He's mean, cruel, a cheat, liar and a coward!! It's a shame you can't buy lady balls and confidence so were just going to have to give you some. You are worth more than that!!!!!
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 You do need to unfriend him for many many reasons. The first and the most important one is your bloody sanity!!!! ...... If you can't delete him personally delete your whole Facebook which is what I did. I created a new one and still use that one now. Do not sit waiting for him. Not only has he made himself VERY clear he doesn't want you Why would you want him? He's mean, cruel, a cheat, liar and a coward!! I'll second that.... It's a shame you can't buy lady balls and confidence so were just going to have to give you some. You are worth more than that!!!!! “Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.” ― Betty White 'The Golden Girls'. 2
KaliLove Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Tara, that Golden Girls quote made me spit water on my keyboard. Cheerbabe, have you looked into getting yourself into therapy yet? 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I know, it's so cool, isn't it? How many guys could we say that to, though? "Oh fer chrissakes, man up and grow a vagina, why doncha?!" Hmmmm..... 2
KaliLove Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I would say it to my ex..if I was speaking to him. 2
sooshi Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 He broke up with you through a text message and told you he had someone else now. That is so heartless! I know you care about him, but you don't deserve to be treated like that. Also remember that you said you put in all of the effort into the relationship. You were a giver, and he was a taker. According to what you said, there wasn't a balance in that. You need to be with someone who doesn't just take, and who CARES about you. Nobody who truly cared or respected you would break up with you the way he did.
BC1980 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 But once I unfriend him it becomes more real to me. See, even you know it's about you having to accept it, not him. He has already removed you from his life, so don't keep him in yours. It's natural to want to delay the grief and acceptance, but you've got to at some point.
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 So... I broke NC last night and I gotta say I was really surprised that he texted me back. He texted me back whitin one minute and then we talked for a little. But now I feel so confused about everything. Ugh. Should have not texted him
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